Not in persuasive words of wisdom

2009-02-23T12:37:00.001-06:00

Father, this is all about You. You must increase and I must decrease. You are not my opium. You are not my servant to do my bidding – to meet my needs and wants. Sometimes I cling to You more out of my fear of failure than my love for You. I am more egocentric than Christocentric. It is only by Your Spirit that I can see this. Don’t let me stay here peering into but never entering the land. Holy Spirit, enable me to lose myself in Jesus. Give me the motivation and the ability in the intensity of the specific moment to be the Light of my world – to be Jesus with those I’m interacting with. May I not live like it’s all about me.

Book Review: All Ahead Full by John Mann

2009-01-31T14:17:00.003-06:00

A couple of weeks ago I was in Sam’s and a kid came up to greet me. I vaguely recognized him from years back. It was probably 10 years ago that he came up to me in Wal-Mart. Before that I couldn’t tell you how long it had been. He was a boy that I knew from church whose family were friends. He’s very friendly and inviting. It’s rare to run into kids (20 something) like that now days – refreshing. He brought me up to date on everyone in his family. His mother is a few years older (metaphorically speaking) who I didn’t know as well. His uncles I knew pretty well. One of his uncles was practically considered a son in my house. He was my dad’s service man and after I went to college it was not unusual to get a report as to how Jim was doing. We spent quite a bit of time together at one time in our lives. His other uncle, John, was a few years older than me (literally) and left for the Navy early while I was still in high school. I didn’t have much contact with him after that but got occasional reports from other family members. John’s dad would substitute teach high school and would talk about him from time to time. Mr. Mann was hilarious (not for talking about John but because he had a great sense of humor).

During our conversation Ryan said that John had written a book. He gave me the wrong title and so when I googled it and found that it was written by someone else I thought how sad that John would pass off someone else’s work to impress his family. After getting everything straightened out, his sister gave me the book.

All Ahead Full is the record of life principles learned from John’s training in the Navy. The chapters are brief with a summary of the main points. The points bring you back to basics spoken in a simplistic way that even someone that doesn’t read much would enjoy and benefit from. Years ago I assigned my students Life’s Greatest Lessons by Hal Urban for extra credit. This book is in the same vein which if I were still teaching would give out.

It’s easy to overlook the basics; it’s easy for them to become routine. Reminders are crucial for our development. For me, there were some points that particularly piqued my interest. The chapter, Runaway Torpedo pages 25-31 spoke directly to my wanderlust. I have a tendency to look for greener pastures or think of what is the next big thing. Instead of pausing and in quietness ask, “Is this You, Lord?” I will have the business plan developed and dream of how great things will be. What I really need is Him. He sets my priorities.

Page 47 from Point Bravo also illustrates having a specific point I’m heading to instead of letting the drift take me where it is going. For me it is Father that is my point bravo. “But how often do we allow the rivers of life to control our personal and professional journeys?”

Page 57 from Set and Drift carries the theme I seem to be on. The currents of life inevitably take you off course. It is unavoidable. Therefore, “we need to make regular personal and professional course corrections.” Page 58 discusses the need for a “personal development plan.” We must take inventory and re-evaluate our goals. This is done by “taking fixes” as to your position. You triangulate your co ordinance with fixed and sure landmarks and then reposition yourself. The fixed and sure land marks are the goal, date, and feedback from others, specifically a mentor.

Page 113 from Steady as She Goes gave me new insight in being mindful of momentum. I don’t have to start from scratch. I need to let things build on what has already occurred, from what I’ve already learned and experienced. In relation to others, I don’t have to do a 360 but just make small adjustments.

It was a good experience reading this book mainly because John wrote it. The book had depth because I knew the author. (There’s a lesson in that I’m sure.) It was a satisfying experience because he’s doing well. That pleases me. It also gives me hope for myself because if John can do it certainly there is hope for me. (Really, that’s not a slam.)

Being Known

2009-01-31T12:55:00.001-06:00

It’s been three years now since my first post. I haven’t posted every month but pretty close to it. It’s been a good personal discipline. I guess I’ve averaged a little better than 1000 visitors per year. That’s not why I do it, however it is gratifying to know people stop by and sometimes comment. The main reason is personal process – seed thoughts that have been stirred in me. I write them so not to lose them. The secondary purpose is to leave something of myself for my kids. They might read these words someday and know me a little better and hopefully themselves. They will be able to pick up the tone in a way no one else would be able to. I am valued when someone else considers my thoughts. But more importantly is that my kids will have more of an awareness of me in them. They will know how proud I am of them and how much I love them.

Proverbs 31

2009-01-31T12:35:00.002-06:00

It is amazing how fast the month has gone. I’ve allowed busyness keep me from posting as much as would have liked. Today’s passage is the familiar virtuous woman passage. Reading this always gives me appreciation for my wife. No one is perfect but my wife strives for the principles in this passage. I could get frustrated if I allowed myself with things I would like or need her to do differently. However, when I focus on her attributes it is easier for me to accept her faults. She puts up with mine so it is the least I could do. We tend to look at the attributes of the virtuous woman as all or nothing when more likely they are in varying degrees that ebb and flow, hopefully with steady growth.

Another verse that came alive for me is verses 8-9: Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy. Be aware of those that can’t speak for themselves. Stand for what is right.

Another verse I like is verse 25: Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. This should be spoken of more than just the virtuous woman. Our future is bright; we have something to smile about.

I hope that you have renewed awareness and sensitivity of the fear of the Lord. It is my hope that this year would produce in us a demonstration that He is our wisdom that all would see Christ in us. May the reading and meditation of Proverbs be more than just an increase in our intellects.

Peace.

I’m feeling compelled to take a closer look at the disciple Jesus loved.

Proverbs 3

2009-01-03T09:43:00.005-06:00

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute [literally understanding; the idea is be held in high regard] in the sight of God and man. Proverbs 3:3-4

Kindness and truth balance each other. Kindness without truth is too soft without boundaries; truth without kindness is too hard and rigid.

Peace.

Proverbs 2

2009-01-02T13:09:00.000-06:00

When I seek wisdom, understanding, and discernment – Truth – without my agendas, it will lead me to the fear of the Lord. I am a seeker. I want Truth, the Man. In this process of seeking I gain Him above all else. The residual effect is protection (from my self and others and from not benefiting from my experiences), awareness of what is right, and peace for the soul.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Matthew 5:6

Proverbs 1

2009-01-01T13:09:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year! May this be a year of increased knowledge and revelation of our Lord. May you experience His presence and overwhelming love in ways that are undeniable. May you know Jesus, the man who loves you.

When I read Proverbs 1, Matthew 11:19 came to mind: “Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds.” I like how the KJV translated deeds, “children.” We can’t help but reproduce what is really in us. Our deeds are our children – good, bad, and ugly. We will show the degree of wisdom we possess. We will eat the fruit of all our labor.

The other thing that impressed me was verse 32, “the complacency of fools will destroy them.” To what degree have I become complacent? I define complacency as being satisfied with the accomplishments of the past with minimal or no motivation for the present while having an expectation that the future will remain prosperous. Along with complacency comes a sense of entitlement – an unhealthy pride-laziness. The question I must ask myself is, “What does complacency look like in me?” No one sets out to be complacent. How do I discern it when I’m on the step at the house of complacency? Then, what do I do about it? According to Proverbs 1 is to heed Wisdom’s call. This is easier said than done. It is only as I trust Holy Spirit moment by moment to reveal, motivate, and empower can I have any hope of not being lulled asleep by Complacency’s voice.

So this is what I will be meditating on today. I’m not looking for intellectual stimulation. I want Truth to be internalized in me.

Peace.

The January Challenge

2008-12-28T08:52:00.001-06:00

Almost 30 years ago a friend challenged me to read through the book of Proverbs each month. I read through it for several months and then at least once every year since. The last several years I at least read through the book in January, a chapter for each day. I figure that it starts my year out with my focus on wisdom from the Lord.

This year it occurred to me to open the challenge to others. So if you feel impressed to do so, read a chapter for each day of the month of January. Read the chapter with the corresponding day and then ask Father to increase in you His wisdom. Write down any impressions you receive and memorize the related verse or passage. Finally, occasionally leave a post here with your insights.

Be Thou My Vision

2008-10-08T11:16:00.003-05:00

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Dallan Forgaill, 8th Century
translated into English by Mary E. Byrne

You can find anything on YouTube

2008-08-31T14:37:00.002-05:00

My kids like to frequently kung fu me which reminds me of a song from growing up. So I sing it as I counter attack. It's amazing how alls you need is a few words and you can find it on the web. I wonder if this is what Jesus was thinking when He said "everything will be made known?"

Enjoy

Before the Throne of God Above

2008-08-24T17:22:00.003-05:00

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!

Charitie L. Bancroft
June 21, 1841 – June 20, 1923

Listen

2008-07-19T08:47:00.001-05:00

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

Bill Vaughan (1915-1977) Journalist

Light Arising

2008-07-12T09:31:00.000-05:00

Light arises in the darkness for the upright; He is gracious and compassionate and righteous.

Psalm 112:4

Sometimes circumstances seem dark and confusing. However, Father is never in the dark. It’s funny how He is secure enough in us to leave us there sometimes. As we depend on Him the light comes. It is this process of struggling in the darkness and finding our answers in Him that produce substance in us. We experience his graciousness and compassion and righteousness through these circumstances. We can hear His voice and be secure in Him.

Playgrounds

2008-06-21T13:46:00.001-05:00

Some times I feel as a deaf mute being able to take in the world but unable to adequately communicate my thoughts and feelings. The analogy breaks down as I can hear clearly what is going on around me. It’s just hard to put into words what is bothering me. To speak would only jumble things up and make matters worse. So I silently carry on with tidbits of understanding crumbling away from this mass of confusion. Relationships are so difficult. Why can’t everything be as easy and complete as mowing my yard? I can see and articulate what needs to be done, do it, and then reap the satisfaction of a job well done. I wish for the blessing of Jack H but not his curse. I could fluently and skillfully articulate my feelings and the nuances of how and why. I could see something wrong and be able to instantly verbalize the detail of its wrongness. Then since I wouldn’t have his curse I could confront it and address those involved in such a skillful fashion that they would be awakened to change – to repent from their error. And the world would once again be right and well and good.

So, here I am, struggling to make sense of a senseless situation. I’m struggling to put it together in my mind while keeping my integrity in tact. I harbor no bitterness or resentment although the situation makes me angry and frustrated and hurt. I want to take my toys and go play somewhere else. But don’t all the playgrounds have their difficulties? Am I not placed in this playground to face difficulties such as these, to make my playground a better place? It reminds me of dealing with a really hard case that I can’t get my mind around. It takes a great amount of energy and time like traversing a difficult path on a journey before finally arriving at my destination. What I do know is that Father is faithful to get me there. He will show me the path of life. However, it’s rarely easy and it will require me to grow.

On Being A Sheep

2008-06-10T09:01:00.001-05:00

Know that the Lord Himself is God; it is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; we are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Psalm 100:3

It is easy to get caught up in my own thing, building my own kingdom. It is easy to forget that all that I have is because of Him. How comforting to know that Father is in control and intimately involved in my life. He is my rock and refuge. He is in the business of making me. My job is to allow Him to complete His work in me – to not resist what He is doing in me. My job is to follow Jesus.

Growth Spurt

2008-06-06T09:39:00.002-05:00

As I was meditating this morning it dawned on me that all the difficult experiences I’ve faced in life have led to bigger and better things. Father has orchestrated my circumstances to bless and grow me up. I’m currently going through some shattered assumptions that are on par with losing my father five years ago. And although I would never choose to go through these experiences, I can see how they are producing His fruit in me. Easy words to type but in actual experience there is blood, sweat, and tears. In fact as I reread them I think it sounds trite in comparison to the actual experiences. One of the verses Father impressed on me when Dad died was II Cor. 1:3-4, Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions. He stopped me there and made very real to me that He is my comfort. He comforts me. His focus was on me at the moment of my crisis. Even now as I think back on that time it is one of my special memories of Father. I haven’t journaled a lot this year because of an assortment of things that I won’t detail now. However, a lot has been going on in me. It’s sort of like a developmental shift, a growth spurt. As the circumstances started unfolding two things Father has strongly impressed on me: He is my rock and I must pursue Him in the midst of the distractions. I’m sure there will be more revelation as time goes on but this is the foundation that will support me through the whelming flood.

2008-05-17T20:57:00.000-05:00

Listening is not the same as waiting to speak.

Opening Day – April 21, 2008

2008-04-26T18:16:00.003-05:00

Opening day of turkey season is always an exciting time for me. My night's sleep is restless where I’ll wake up several times in the night before my alarm goes off at 3:10 a.m. We were out the door by 4:57 a.m. It takes an hour to get from my house to the gate at the bottom of the hill then another 30 minutes to the back of the property line. I walk for ½ mile from where I park my truck. In the dark it is sometimes difficult to follow the trail but this morning there were burns on both sides. In some places you could still see the glow of embers still burning and smell smoke from distant fires.

It was a little before 6 a.m. before I got to my spot and quickly set my decoys and my cover. I sat down at 6:05 a.m. and gave about 6 or 7 tree yelps on my box call. It was still kind of dark and I figured that the turkeys hadn’t flown down yet. The toms were quiet up to this point so I thought I might get a response . . . nothing.

I saw something move about 50 – 60 yards away on a little ridge directly in front of me at about 20 degrees NE. At first I thought it was some kind of varmint but was able to see it was a tom the closer he got. He was moving laterally near the top of the ridge. When he dropped down out of sight as he came in my direction, I switched the shotgun to my right. (I shoot left handed.) He came up about 345 degrees NW from me at about 25 to 30 paces. I lifted my gun when he was behind a big oak and pulled the trigger as he came out the other side. He flopped several times for what seemed several minutes and then lay still. The time was 6:10 a.m. Five minutes and my first week of turkey season was over. You can only take one turkey the first week. He was 22 lbs. with an 11 inch beard and 7/8 inch spurs. I heard no gobbling and I didn’t even have time to pull down my mask or put on my gloves. I barely had time to switch hands to shoot from the right. All in all, it was a good hunt. Apparently, he was tired of fighting so he was sneaking in for some turkey-love.

Fruit

2008-04-14T09:26:00.000-05:00

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Gal. 5:22-23

I used to think of the fruit in categories of growth, one building on the other. But it occurs to me that they are personality traits of the Holy Spirit that demonstrate who He is. They are His outworking in our lives as we yield to Him. One does not come easier than the other – love is not demonstrated more than self-control. They are not legislated into our lives or willed into our lives but gifted and permeated as a “natural” emanation of Him because He resides in us. May the Holy Spirit (and His personality traits) so invade your personality that others can’t tell where you stop and He begins.

Unserenity Prayer

2008-03-04T09:55:00.001-06:00

(How To Stay Distressed)

God, grant me the stubbornness to try to change the things I cannot change thus avoiding the things I could change; and the illusion that I do not know the difference. This allows me to be angry, frustrated and upset and feeling that it is all their fault.

Dr. Clayton Pettipiece, M.D.

Several years ago Dr. P passed out cards with this saying on it – a spoof of the serenity prayer. He died last Friday and I went to his funeral yesterday. He was a quiet man that never showed much emotion. His humor was dry and monotone. I thought he was hilarious. He loved his patients and did everything he could for them. He had a big heart. I had the opportunity to play poker with him on occasion. He always won. We played nickel, dime, quarter poker but if he had a good hand he would drive up the bidding. I’m pretty cheap and would get frustrated at him. Because of his common flat demeanor I would figure he was bluffing. He’d just shrug his shoulders and say in his emotionless way, “Well, just fold then.” I usually didn’t and he’d win the pot. I never caught him in a bluff. He was a man of responsibility. He totally owned everything he was involved in. I never, ever heard him directly or indirectly blame anyone for anything he was involved with. He took responsibility for himself and worked hard because of it. I think what I learned from him is to work hard and don’t make excuses – do what I believe is right and don’t cry about the results.

The Victim

2008-02-21T21:50:00.003-06:00

There was a girl named Stephanie,

She desperately needed an epiphany;

But she would drown

In sorrows frown

And continue on in her misery.

I’m working with a girl who is stuck in a vicious cycle and won’t get out of it. She likes to write poetry so I gave an assignment for her to write in prose what she really believes she needs and wants. While driving home I thought of this limerick to give her tomorrow.

2008-01-30T09:00:00.000-06:00

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. John F. Kennedy

My Boys

2008-01-26T10:13:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I found out that the neighbors had to put one of their dogs down. It was an older golden retriever that had been a part of the neighborhood since they moved in 5-6 years ago. They have a grand-daughter that lives with them. She’s experienced a lot of loss in her life and I called C to give some unsolicited advice. I work with kids who have experienced trauma and thought this may be a retriggering of such experiences. Shelby was her favorite and when the girl was sick this dog would always be by her side. L has some serious health issues and has been in the hospital several times with the real possibility she wouldn’t be coming home. So, it gripped me and I felt sadness for L. It struck me odd that I was as moved as I was given I deal with these issues every day.

It is a common prayer of mine that my boys would have a heart that loves Father and others. We pray for our neighbors during our evening prayers before bed. “Bless them and help us to love them, Father.” When I got home last night, J showed me the golden retriever bead craft he had made to give to L to remember Shelby by. It touched me that he was being thoughtful and cared his friend. Recently, he had bought a Webkin for another friend. My sister got the boys these stuffed animals that you adopt online and then take care of them. It’s an educational, interactive game on the web. He enjoys it so much that he wanted his friend to be blessed. So my wife took them to the store and they bought the webkins for E and B.

Last night my younger son was playing on the Webkin site and told that he had bought B a doll house for her webkin because she wanted one. You can give gifts to other webkins and he was excited about the next time she gets on that she will have a gift to open. It was touching to see the thoughtfulness and compassion of a five year old.

It sounds kind of sissy for two little boys playing webkins on the computer. I’d much rather that they would beat each other up or something. You know, something to prepare them for adulthood. But it pleases me to see their heart. I am very satisfied and hopeful for their future. I pray all the time that Father would give me and H wisdom on how to raise them.

My son, if your heart is wise, my own heart also will be glad; and my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right.
Proverbs 23:15-16

2007-12-31T20:22:00.000-06:00

I think in terms of the day’s resolutions, not the year’s.

Henry Moore (1898-1986) Sculptor

2007-12-24T09:56:00.000-06:00

Gates, lift up your heads! Stand erect, ancient doors, and let in the King of glory. The appointed time has come; the Father has sent His Son into the world to redeem it from sin and death.

May your Christmas and new year be filled with an increased awareness of His presence and love. May the Holy Spirit motivate and empower you to do great things.

Gratitude

2007-12-20T10:51:00.001-06:00

“The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude.'' Thornton Wilder

I’ve been working with several kids that have lost a loved one. One in fact regained her father after 15 min. of death. Completely restored, he was. She tells of cleaning up his blood while he was taken to the hospital. She suffers as if he really died because now she knows someday he will. Another lost her cousin/best friend in a car accident – yesterday was the two week anniversary of her death. So much death. It mocks us as we cling to life. Adam had no idea what God was talking about. He learned of trauma and flashbacks and grief as he stumbled onto his dead son. I wonder if he cleaned up the blood. We all die, this is for certain.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

It’s God way of justice. Not, “I told you so” justice. But a heart wrenching desire to protect from the heart of a loving Father who understands everything has consequences. So much suffering. He provided the way for healing. Jesus is the solution. It is not always clean or noble or choreographed but death is not the end. It is not the end for those who have died nor is it for those who continue on but are left with a head of memories and a heart of gratitude.

2007-12-12T22:31:00.001-06:00

What are you giving Jesus for His birthday?

The Suffering God

2007-12-10T11:20:00.000-06:00

It’s possible that the reason for suffering in the world is to reveal the heart of God. We complain about what we have faced but isn’t it only a small measure of what He experiences every day? Is He not the Father of us all? How His heart must ache with the rejection of His creation. He must weep daily when He sees the injustice and suffering of people across the planet. I doubt he has grown accustomed to it because of familiarity and just excuses it. But we are too self-absorbed to see. Only our own heart-ache in view of another’s suffering has the power to deliver us from this to see the heart of God.

Consider the girl taken captive (II Kings 5). Her family most likely dead, she is taken from her familiar place, her secure place, and placed with people not her own. Think of her father’s last thoughts as he was being slain. Being a father myself, I’m sure he was not thinking of his own life. What senseless ruin. For what purpose could a person’s God allow such atrocity? I wonder if in those last seconds he cursed his God? And worse yet, what if he lived? Every day would be a reminder of what he lost.

We may try to console ourselves by reasoning that this man had it coming. He must have rejected God and therefore received his just compensation. But what about the girl, what did she do? The sins of the father are indeed passed on to the children. They suffer for our hard heartedness. We must slay our dragons lest they have to face them. However, the story doesn’t give us those details so we are left to speculate and rationalize.

How did God view the occurrence as it took place? God’s obvious purpose in this tragedy was to glorify Himself. He is outside of creation and His purposes are perfect beyond our understanding. Who are we to question the Creator? Especially since it doesn’t appear that this little girl did. She expressed faith in spite of her trauma and maybe because of it. A faith extended on behalf of her abductors. “I wish that my master were with the prophet who is in Samaria! Then he would cure him of his leprosy.” A faith her master honored with the culmination, “Behold now, I know that there is no God in all the earth, but in Israel.” How this little girl must have been esteemed more than she would have received in her father’s house. God has a way of taking care of His own even in the midst of tragedy if we’ll receive what He is doing in us.

But how does this show our suffering God? Recently, my youngest son was sick – the same sickness that I had several days before. I must likely gave him his sickness. There is a certain helplessness one feels when they look at their sick child. The aching in the pit of my stomach prompts me to consider how Father must experience similar feelings when His children suffer – when I suffer. While doing a group with adolescents the topic turned to religion and one girl commented that what kind of God gives his child and not himself. Her implied point was that He was not committed so He sent someone else. I simply responded, “You don’t have any children, do you?” Based on my experience as a father, I believe that the Father suffered more than Jesus.

We don’t always see the culmination of our faith. Sometimes it is so slow in coming we think it won’t come at all. However, He is faithful. And He hurts with us. We must live today in dependence upon Him and leave the results with Him.

It seems that our suffering culminates with an awareness of God’s presence. Only He can walk with us through the valley of the shadow of death. Only He can identify with us. God alone can know our innermost hurts. He experiences them with us. The only true purpose for suffering is so we can experience what God experiences. Why is the gate narrow and the way hard? Who made up these rules? What purpose can they possibly serve except to reveal the heart of God.

The Greater Gift

2007-11-26T11:34:00.000-06:00

And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised

Hebrews 11:39

As is my habit, I review the outline of my pastor’s message from Sunday morning in my quiet time through the week. I figure he’s heard from the Lord and I need to hear what the Lord’s point is. I generally read through the context of the passage. This Sunday Bishop preached through the greater part of Hebrews 12 with the emphasis on our discipline from the Lord. The text was Hebrews 12:3-17.

It is not uncommon that Holy Spirit will hook me into the first verse I read. That happened today. How many people receive a promise from the Lord and never see the fulfillment while in the body. Isn’t odd that the Lord would give someone a promise and then not let them see the fulfillment of it? It almost seems cruel. What is He doing?

The context would suggest that Father is giving them a greater gift then the original promise. His word is true and it will be fulfilled. Nothing returns to Him void. But He doesn’t necessarily promise that we will see it in our life times. The greater gift is the refinement of their souls. Father is more concerned about my development than He is about giving me all the goodies. That doesn’t mean He doesn’t want to bless us. I am tremendously blessed. I was reading recently how Father told Abraham that He was going to make his name great so that he could be a blessing. I believe it is an entire package. With that said, sometimes we go without in the immediate so that we don’t have to go without when it counts the most.

These models of faith spoken of in Hebrews 11 longed to see the promise (and they did), but gained something far greater in the approval from their Father and God. Then, in us, they gained the promise: but God had provided something better for us, so that apart from us, they would not be made perfect. Hebrews 11:40

We are the fulfillment of what Father promised them. Not just us, but our relationship with Father through Jesus and all that entails. We exist and experience Jesus because of their faith. It is a perpetual faith passed on from one to the next. We will pass it on to our children of faith. Who will in turn perfect our faith. They will validate our faith in the living God. Some will scoff and excuse us as foolish but He has the last word. It doesn’t matter if we see it in our time frame or not. Our only expectation is Jesus. We give Him our hearts.

Opening Day

2007-11-13T11:22:00.000-06:00

It was a rush early opening day. I had misjudged how long it would take to get in my spot deep into the woods before light. This was the first time I didn’t set up in a tree stand. It’s funny that I had not thought of this before since I hunt turkeys sitting on the ground. Indians didn’t sit in a tree to hunt deer. So I set up on top of a ridge with my face to the wind, which blew along at about a 10 mph clip. The ridge behind me was pretty steep and I didn’t figure a deer would come up that way. The passage way to my left was more natural and figured I could ambush a deer passing top of the ridge. The temperature was a bit chilly early in the morning but warmed up as the day progressed. At one point, I considered breaking out my hand warmers.

Once positioned, I settled into a relaxed state. There is nothing like the woods that can quiet my soul. It’s God’s way of speaking to me through nature. I can sit still for quite a long time drinking it in. Similar to a cow chewing its cud, I turn over and over in my mind the solitude and peace of the place and moment. My favorite moment of the morning is when the night animals retire for the day and the diurnal creatures awaken.

There were not as many squirrels out opening morning so when I heard a rustling in the leaves coming up the ridge in front of me my heart started to race a bit and I clicked off the safety on my gun. It didn’t sound like the rustling of a squirrel. It was too heavy and consistent for that. Then I heard a cluck and knew it was a turkey. With my gun back on safety, I listened to a number of turkeys scratch and cluck approximately 30 feet in front of me. I couldn’t see them because they were just over the ridge behind some brush. It would have been fun to listen to them if I weren’t so frustrated that I had hunted several times during turkey season the month before and never saw one turkey. Actually, I grew quite frustrated thinking that I wouldn’t see a deer yet see 13 turkeys by 8:10 a.m. And they were noisy. If it had been a turkey hunter calling I would have told him that he was calling way too much. They seemed to go on forever, clucking and cackling and even gobbling. Had it been turkey season I could have got my limit with one shot.

After the turkeys passed and a few more passed and then in the distance three more passed I was feeling a little restless having sat in the same position with little movement for a couple of hours. I decided to move over the ridge about a quarter the way down. That way, I could see the whole bottom area. I hadn’t been set up for 15 to 20 minutes when a good sized buck came meandering along near the bottom at about 100 yards away. My heart was racing as I clicked off the safety and raised my gun. You could see my heart beating while looking through the sites as it jumped with each beat.

I’m familiar with buck fever having experienced it several times with each resulting in a deer prancing hurriedly along mocking me as he went. I console myself with lies: “That’s ok. I’ll get one next time.” and “I just love being in the woods.” Too many times have I offered lead sacrifices to mother earth.

I took a deep breathe and steadied myself. Just then I lost the deer in a thicket. Restlessly I scanned the area for sight of this monster buck. A sigh of relief was released when he appeared on the other side coming up the ridge about 75 to 80 yards away. I calmly sited in his vital organ area and squeezed the trigger.

My gun is a 30/30 Winchester. The perfect deer rifle for the kind of terrain I like to hunt in. I’ve hunted over bean and corn fields but feel kind of naked without a lot of trees and rougher terrain around. My rifle has a bit of a creep when you pull the trigger. Initially, I thought it was me bracing for the recoil but as I dry fired to get used to the trigger pull, I noticed that it naturally does this. Sited in at 35 yards it pulls over and up about and inch or so. Something I hadn’t considered is that the farther the bullet goes the wider the creep. Opening day, I was so excited that I forgot about the creep all together and didn’t adjust for it. Recoil wasn’t a problem for the excitement takes care of that too.

I sat quietly for a minute after I shot watching for the deer. It had gone down once I shot but I couldn’t see it from where I was sitting. I reset the safety and engaged the lever action. The empty cartridge was a little warm as I placed it in my pocket. Slowly I got up and started moving toward the downed buck. Once in view of the deer, I could see his back legs kicking like he was trying to run, but this didn’t last long and he was still. I approached him from behind and poked his back with my gun. He was still and no movement from his lung cavity. It was then I counted the tines – 12 points. This is the largest deer I’ve ever taken. But then it occurred to me that I had to pull him up out of the ravine.

He felt like he weighed 400 pounds as I pulled him 20 yards at a time to the top of the hill. Then once on the top, I had to clear the road which was victim to last year’s ice storm. I hadn’t cleared it during spring turkey season because I knew my buddy Kevin wasn’t coming and there was no need. Now it was necessary in order to drive my truck down the lane to pick up the deer. The deer was so heavy and I was so tuckered out that I had to field dress him on the spot before I could get him into the back of the truck.

I’ve enjoyed telling the story of opening day several times. It adds to the experience. When I relayed the story to a friend at church he gave me a hug. So many experiences we have privately. At best we tell them to others, recalling the details years later with the same excitement as if it happened a few days ago. But I write it as a gift to my children and grandchildren so that they may recall me who will be a part of them and they won’t have to wonder.

Happy Halloween

2007-10-31T10:30:00.000-05:00

Didn’t the month fly by? I haven’t posted much because typically October is one of my busier months in every area. For whatever reason it seems that people seek out help more in the fall than other times of the year. This presents a dilemma for me since it is also the start of hunting season. I love to be in the woods in the fall. Turkey season is all month long and can you believe that the only time I saw turkey was while deer hunting in Arkansas. The only time I saw a legal buck was while turkey hunting. I hope this isn’t how the rest of the season will go.

My primary meditation was Philippians 4 early in the month during muzzle loader season in Arkansas. I may spend some time detailing my meditations but lately I’ve revisited a common theme of how to raise kids successfully. I believe that there are some common principles that must be maintained throughout the developmental cycles our children go through. Each developmental cycle is important in its own right and must be pursued with diligence. Simply put, we must give our all as if we would have our children in no other stage of their development.

Here’s what I was thinking the other day while sitting in the woods.

1. Presence. This means not only being there for you child but they must have your undivided attention. You must play with them and do things that they want to do on a regular basis. They must have your energy and heart as you play with them. If you placate them during any developmental stage they will know it and mirror that in future interactions. What you teach them is that it is ok to be selfish and people aren’t important. How they internalize this is that you don’t care and they are not important.

2. Respect. This means that you have genuine value for your child. You listen to their thoughts and opinions without the need to correct. This doe not mean that you don’t instruct but you give them freedom to express their opinion and help them come to appropriate conclusions. There is a reason the truth is the truth. We don’t need to worry that they will miss it. If we force our anxieties onto them by requiring them to parrot what we believe we convey the message that they are untrustworthy and incompetent.

3. Value. We subtly devalue others in our verbal and nonverbal conveyances. It starts with an overwhelming belief of our child’s value and importance to us. The rest will take care of itself.
Moments. This is a moment by moment investment. Each experience is packed with meaning and instruction. We teach what we believe but we reproduce who we are. Because this is a brick at a time project we must rely on Holy Spirit in the moment. There are no cookie-cutter, one size fits all answers in raising our children. I believe that we will have a knowing in the moment as the Holy Spirit gives us grace to raise our children.

4. Intimacy. We must connect with our children. We must give them our hearts. We must push past our uncomfortableness in a proactive way. We must stare into our children’s eyes and give them our heart. We must put fear aside and talk and spend time with and laugh and love.

5. Example. If we do not face our dragons then they most certainly will have to. We pass on those things that are not conquered in us. We pass on our victories as well. We must work on ourselves if we want them to be successful.

6. Time. This is a long term process. A lifetime process. We must face the intensity. We must meet the challenge. Our children’s lives rest in the balance.

2007-10-05T10:03:00.000-05:00

Here is an image that will invoke a thousand thoughts and feelings.

2007-10-05T08:54:00.000-05:00

Circumstances may shout that the Father in heaven is emotionally aloof or even negligent. But, as Paul discovered, the One who opened blind eyes, sent demons running, and bore our sins in His own body deserves far more trust than our circumstances. Mart De Haan

Is that not beautiful? How many times have I placed my trust in the circumstances? This is a great post titled, “The love of God.”

Birthday Wishes

2007-09-28T00:14:00.001-05:00

Dear Brent,

As you rise in the morning may the day greet you with peace, contentment, and health. Be blessed with the joy of living and giving of your self to others. Know that you have done enough. Live free from the weight of regret. Cast off guilt. Today, focus on all that you have instead of all you have failed to attain. You are truly blessed. God has shined His face upon you. Live like it, today. You are His child. He loves you. He loves you. Live in the awareness of His love. Be as He intends you to be. Stare intently into His face, into His eyes. Slow down and look at Him. Receive His love. Be blessed with the faith to hear your Father say, “Well done!” Happy Birthday.

That which is profitable

2007-09-26T10:32:00.000-05:00

While driving home last night, I read Proverbs 14:23 on a church billboard. It struck me because of my recent rumination of what I will do in the future. I can talk something to death and never complete the thought with action. My problem is that I have too much time before I need to do something. However, I need to take the time I do have and start planting now so I will reap when I need to.

I few thoughts come to me:

1. Drop insurance altogether and have people give what they think the service is worth. This would require me to market myself in a different direction then I have previously. I would want to focus from an overtly Christian standpoint. I would come from a holistic perspective with minimal medications. If you treat the whole person – body, soul, and spirit – then balance and wholeness will be achieved. Medications are too often a salve for the symptoms and not the cure for the core issue. I’m not totally anti-medication, however, I think they are prescribed way too much. Our society has developed a sense of entitlement regarding the immediate. There are no quick fixes.

2. Going a completely new direction, unrelated to counseling (at least directly). I’ve been researching franchises and thinking what does Spfd need next. Also while driving home I realized a new hotel going up next to several other hotels. That takes guts. What impressed me is that I don’t need to focus primarily on what others are doing but to just do it better. My problem with franchises is that if someone could start it up to begin with then I wouldn’t need to pay them for having their name, I could start up my own thing. That is what I did with my counseling practice. There were several that asked me to be a part of their practice. It didn’t make sense for me to give them a cut of what I make and still have to develop my own caseload.

3. I want to work with people. I want to develop people, especially young people. I want to have something bigger then just my own plot of land. I want to help others develop their plot as well. I want to contribute to the economy of Spfd. I want to make others successful. I receive a great sense of satisfaction in knowing I had a part in another’s success.

So, where to start? What do I need to be doing now? How do I get my rear end in gear? Three things come to me as I write:

1. In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Proverbs 14: 23
This tells me that I need to get moving and make the most of my time.

2. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. John 12:26
There is so much to focus on that I can become overwhelmed with the stimuli. The only One I need to focus on is Jesus and trust that He will lead me each step of the way. Priorities.

3. On Thursday I have lunch with my pastor. I need to utilize his wisdom and his emotional detachment from the situation to see clearly.

On being responsible

2007-09-19T22:40:00.000-05:00

Recently I finished Deep Economy by Bill McKibben. It was recommended by a blog I read. The blogger is strong on community which is probably what drew him to this book - the one redeeming point. He focuses too much on green. I'm not against green but his seems to come from a humanistic standpoint. It strikes me as funny how the green folks only focus on the fatalistic part of science as it serves them. It seems an emotional response.

The book has redeeming qualities but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. Mr. McKibben starts from the wrong premise so his outcome is wrong. I'm not here to *argue* about global warming or the demonization of America. These are emotional issues and they get us no where, certainly not toward solution.

The bottom line for me is that God is in charge and we are responsible. Period. We have been giving a stewardship as humans (take dominion) and as Christians (personal and corporate obedience to God). I don’t drive a vehicle that saves gas because earth is going to hell. I don't shut my water off in the shower when I lather up because I'm afraid we will run out of water. I don't buy local because I'm against corporate America. I don't manage my money responsibly out of fear. All I do is because of faith. It is not kingdom standard to be or live wastefully.

I had a youth pastor once who picked up pieces of trash and took extra care of living creatures. (It really was sickening as he would catch flies in his house and release them out doors.) He didn't talk about this much but demonstrated a stewardship. He cared for things like God cares for things. He is his Father's child. So are we. All that we do must be out of a life of faith and not of fear. I heard a lot of fear while reading this book.

The community part was on target for the most part. We have lost that sense of community in our culture and sadly in the culture of our churches. We are disconnected and are suffering for it. The more I read Scripture, and especially Paul, the more I get the sense Father thinks more of us as a body than as individuals. As a group. As a church. As part of or an extension of Him. We are all a part of Him.

We are His care-takers of the earth. Just as the body cannot continuously take in garbage and not suffer, I expect the earth to be the same way. The earth is very resilient because it is by Him that all things consist and hold together. This book sets out seemingly with the premise that we are both in charge and responsible. We are responsible, yes, but He is in charge. Our responsibility lies with being obedient to Him and modeling a kingdom lifestyle.

2007-09-19T20:59:00.000-05:00

This may not be his best, but close.

Rain

2007-09-05T10:20:00.000-05:00

There is something stirred in me with the Fall rains that no other season provides. Maybe it’s because of the relief that latter rains give after the hot, weighty summer. The pressure is relieved and you feel like you can breathe again. Although it is still summer here in the Ozarks (90*+ temps isn’t exactly Fall) but the heat doesn’t have the bite it once had. It is hard to describe how the gentle rains refresh the soul.

I have been irritable lately, probably by a combination of things. It looks as if in a year from now I won’t be doing the same thing because of changes by the state. The summer heat has drug on thanks to global warming. I haven’t had as much Chad time as I usually get due to the projects he’s had this summer. Then there is the restlessness of pre-deer season. It all adds up to a sort of melancholy. However, there is a peace in this experience as I know this is Father’s way to stir me on to growth. He’s making some changes to continue my development process. This is really the source of my irritability. I’m not in control. I don’t know what is around the bend. I have to trust Him. Last week He impressed on me that He was my greatest need.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:33

I believe it’s starting to rain.

2007-09-03T09:53:00.000-05:00

To do great and important tasks, two things are necessary: a plan and not quite enough time.

Author unknown

I Bless You

2007-09-02T17:35:00.000-05:00

I bless you with joy and peace
And love that won’t let go
I bless you with grace and faith
And fire in your soul

I bless you with dreams and visions
Most men don’t know of
I bless you with deeper knowledge
Of our Father’s Love

I bless you with joy and laughter!
I bless you with a steadfast faith!
I bless you with the hopes and the dreams
that your heart goes after!
I bless you with amazing grace!

I bless you with strength and power,
Grace through any trial
I bless you with wisdom
And with comfort in your smile

I bless you with great adventures,
Journeys yet unknown
I bless you with a heart gone wild
Because you are His own

I bless you with the heart of a warrior,
Grace to stand and fight
I bless you with brothers
Who will stand right by your side

I bless you with courage
Till your battles have been won
I bless you with the faith to hear your Father say,
“Well done!”

I bless you with joy and laughter!
I bless you with a steadfast faith!
I bless you with the hopes and the dreams
That your heart goes after!
I bless you with amazing grace!

by Dennis Jernigan

I heard this song last night and really liked it. There is a genuineness, a substance about Mr. Jernigan that is refreshing. Mr. Jernigan has written over 2200 songs. I did a search and found the lyrics. It was sad that between the title and the lyrics was an advertisement to see Jessica Simpson “exposed.” I’m sure Mr. Jernigan can’t wait to spin in his grave about that one.

Yes

2007-08-28T09:47:00.000-05:00

“Do you want to play mancala?” asked J. “Yes,” came my reply. Yes is such a simple word. With it comes release of tension. Say it now, yes. Can’t you feel the tension dissipate? The other day at church while talking with a friend I commented how I felt I was telling J “no” all the time. “Don’t run your hands down the walls while walking next to them.” “Don’t hold the door open, the air’s on.” “Raise the toilet seat.” And the list goes on. I like to have things I can say yes to and tell him he’s doing a good job.

It nice to hear, “yes” when it is being addressed to me. If I think the answer is always no, I’ll stop asking and stop trying. If I think that it should be “no” then it will color my understanding and affect my behavior. I don’t want my son developing those kinds of beliefs. This is not alleviating his responsibility to learn the proper way to do things but that he is not devalued in the process.

I think Father had this in mind when He inspired II Corinthians 1:20. His ultimate yes is Jesus.

For as many as are the promises of God, in Him they are yes; therefore also through Him is our Amen to the glory of God through us.

When I think a promise doesn’t really apply to me, the truth is it does. It is as I respond, “so be it” does it apply to me. It is in Him that I can receive the ability to say “yes” back to Father’s “yes.”

Armor

2007-08-27T09:43:00.001-05:00

It is better to be wounded than always to walk in armor.

Margaret Fuller (1810-1850)

Yes, our armor protects us from wounds sometimes, but it keeps us from human contact. It’s funny how it is human contact that both wounds and heals. By wearing our armor we are separated from the very cure for our wounds. Our wounds make us who we are either to our betterment or our detriment. It is the healing of our wounds that make us stronger.

I look for the conflict in group process so that it can be worked through. It is only by working through it that cohesion and healing can be accomplished.

The problem is that we grow so accustomed to the armor that we forget about the wounding and thereby miss the healing. We forget that we are clanking along and suppose that this is the way one walks. We avoid contact but have little awareness as to why. It becomes a pattern. The armor becomes comfortable. The belief is that we should never be wounded, or pain is to be avoided at all costs. We shrink back when we should push forward into growth. If we are stuck we should develop a new paradigm that allows us to move. A paradigm that says, “Wounds bring growth.” So let’s cast off the every weight and turn our faces to the wind. Let’s shrink not in the face of adversity but receive the full cup knowing that there is a reward for our labor.

The Ear Speaks

2007-08-25T10:15:00.001-05:00

The ear is an incredible entity – a perfect combination of art and engineering. It’s hard to fathom how anyone can seriously consider evolution after examining the ear. It is perfectly fashioned to capture sound waves and funnel them into the waiting drum of the middle ear to make sense out of life. We have two of them, you know, working in perfect harmony to create meaning and balance. Just because every vertebrate has the similar system does not denote common ancestry.

The ear has been adorned with diamonds and gold to enhance the beauty of its owner. Some people don’t like their ears. I have a friend who thinks his are too big. I’ve never noticed. He tells of his embarrassment and agitation on his first date with his someday-to-be-wife that a carnival vender kept pointing out how large they were. The point is as a society we acknowledge the esthetic value of the ear. It has been as such from the foundations of the world.

It was not uncommon during Old Testament times to see a man walking around with a hole in his ear lobe – an opened ear. The significance thereof was that this man was owned by another. This man willingly placed himself a slave of another for the rest of his life. A Hebrew man by law could only be a slave for six years and then released in the seventh. If he wished to remain a slave he could request to stay with his master. His master would take him before the council where the slave would make his wishes known. The master would take an awl and pierce the slave’s ear to indicate the transaction.

The very first readers of Isaiah 50:5 would have understood this as would have the readers of Psalm 40:6. My pastor has been teaching on the Tongue of the Learned on Wednesday nights out of Isaiah 50. The duel meaning Father conveys in this passage is a work of art how He intertwines the tongue and the ear and ultimately the heart. We must hear before we can speak. We must listen before we can understand. We must submit as a disciple before we can be entrusted with revelation. We must give our heart. It is Father that awakens me to hear as a disciple – to have a heart to listen. He has opened my ear.

Embracing the Word

2007-08-24T09:57:00.000-05:00

Our family has reestablished the family devotional time. At bedtime we gather in my oldest son’s bed and read Scripture and pray before we turn in for the night. I bought a Message Paraphrase of the Bible to read through the book of Mark. I’ve been reading the passage in the morning to meditate on prior to our time together in the evening. Today, I read about the different soils that the Word is sown into. The thing that struck me was the difference between the Word sown into the weeds and that which is sown into the fertile soil.

The seed cast in the weeds represents the ones who hear the kingdom news but are overwhelmed with worries about all the things they have to do and all the things they want to get. The stress strangles what they heard, and nothing comes of it.

Mark 4:18-19 (Message)

How much of the Word is diminished by my over-focus on the things I have to do and what I want? These things are natural. Every garden has weeds. It’s when you don’t tend to them properly that they become a problem. However, I find myself focused on weeds entirely too much.

But the seed planted in the good earth represents those who hear the Word, embrace it, and produce a harvest beyond their wildest dreams.

Mark 4:20 (Message)

If I spend my energy focusing on the Word instead of the weeds, I will reap an abundant harvest. I must hear the Word, receive it, embrace it, and produce it. Acting on what the Word says always produces results. So what does it mean to “embrace the Word?” How do I do this? How do I maintain my attention on not just hearing it but embracing it and allowing it to change me? He who has ears, let him hear, let him receive, let him embrace, let him do.

Here

2007-08-22T11:28:00.001-05:00

He knows that everything past has moved to bring him here.

It is amazing how we are really not in control but live under the cloud of delusion that says we are. We are ants that squirm under the magnifying glass of a child, frantically trying to get away before we burn up.

Is there any hope? Is there any peace? Are we mindless insects going busily about our day with blinders? I think not. I think the purpose we have is that which Father gives us. We are only complete when we find our completeness in Him and acknowledge Him. And He, being the Author and Finisher of our faith, orchestrates our paths to bring us to Him. We somehow know this deep in our souls. We have some kind of God-programming that acknowledges our Maker. Even the atheist shows his belief by what he argues against – he exposes himself by opening his mouth.

Deep down we recognize that there is purpose and direction in our lives. Everything happens for a reason. And we are not required to figure it out but rather to live it out – to overcome – to grow.

We are but jars of clay that crack and break and fade away. Who are we to say to the Potter, “Why did you make me like this?” He knows what we need to accomplish His purposes in us. He wastes nothing. Even the hounds of Hell chase us to Him.

I have a bad habit of focusing on the negative. This morning in my quiet time I was discussing my failures with the Lord. I can be gruff in presentation. I can say things the wrong way that doesn’t really convey my heart. The Lord says, “Look how far you’ve come.” But I reply, “But look how far I have to go.” And again I hear the faint voice of Elder John, “Yard by yard life is hard; inch by inch life’s a synch.” And my heart says to Jesus, “I must follow you.”

Inching Along

2007-08-20T10:42:00.001-05:00

Yard by yard life is hard; inch by inch life is a cinch. One of the elders at church has been saying this lately. It resonates because it completely hits the bulls-eye for me. I look at the big picture and wonder what I’m supposed to be doing. I get tied up – froze up – like a possum in the road looking at oncoming headlights. Then I run frantically back and forth until I lose sight of the lights and jump up into the bottom of the passing vehicle. The point is that all I have to do is follow his leading today – right now. I don’t have to have the completed plans before I take the first step.

If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him. John 12:26

Implied in this verse is that I can serve, follow, know, and be with Jesus today. I must surrender my will, desires, and wants to Him. This is not a one-way relationship. Jesus said that His sheep know Him and follow Him. We make it more difficult than it is.

So today, since I hear His voice, I will follow. I’m not going to worry about screwing up because He is the Shepherd and it is His responsibility to lead. As much as is in me, I will follow. My only concern is this step. I will be willing to take this step as much as I understand what this step is.

I believe Father is communicating with us. I believe we can hear if we’re willing to listen. He is in charge and I am responsible.

The Voice of Truth

2007-08-17T23:00:00.000-05:00

Artist(Band):Casting Crowns

Oh, what I would do
To have the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

but the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
will soar with the wings of eagles
when i stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says do not be afraid
And the voice of truth says this is for my glory
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Causes Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you........

Terry reminded me of this song after reading the allegory. The second verse is my favorite. The warriors shaking in their armor were on his side.

Walking

2007-08-17T09:52:00.000-05:00

This morning I went for a walk prior to my quiet time. My inconsistency bothers me and brings back internal debating about my lack of discipline and will power. That is some of the motivation of a few past posts. It irritates me that I fight some of the same battles over again. It makes me feel weak. I hate my divided heart and unfocused mind. These were the things on my heart as I walked.

The normal routine in the morning for me is to make a cup of coffee and sit on the deck with the Lord. I usually review a recent outline of my pastor’s sermon – reading the context, thinking about the point he’s trying to make, etc. It is quite common that I get stuck in a passage that Holy Spirit doesn’t give me peace to move on. Today, after my walk, I started out in Jeremiah 10:6-10:

There is none like you, O LORD; you are great, and your name is great in
might. Who would not fear you, O King of the nations? For this is your due; for among all the wise ones of the nations and in all their kingdoms there is none like you. They are both stupid and foolish; the instruction of idols is but wood! Beaten silver is brought from Tarshish, and gold from Uphaz. They are the work of the craftsman and of the hands of the goldsmith; their clothing is violet and purple; they are all the work of skilled men. But the LORD is the true God; he is the living God and the everlasting King. At his wrath the earth quakes, and the nations cannot endure his indignation.

I have been reviewing this passage since Monday morning. I followed the cross-reference to Psalm 86:8-11:

There is none like you among the gods, O Lord, nor are there any works like
yours. All the nations you have made shall come and worship before you, O
Lord, and shall glorify your name. For you are great and do wondrous things; you alone are God. Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.

Verse 11 snagged me and I meditated and prayed through this passage. My hearts desire is that Father teach me His ways so that I will walk in His truth. This will then unite my heart to fear His name. Father, unite my heart to fear Your name. Thank You, Father, for uniting my heart. It is Your doing. There is nothing in me that can do this. I want to know His ways. I want to walk in His ways.

So I followed the cross-reference once again to Jeremiah 32:38-44:

And they shall be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me. I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul. "For thus says the LORD: Just as I have brought all this great disaster upon this people, so I will bring upon them all the good that I promise them. Fields shall be bought in this land of which you are saying, 'It is a desolation, without man or beast; it is given into the hand of the Chaldeans.' Fields shall be bought for money, and deeds shall be signed and sealed and witnessed, in the land of Benjamin, in the places about Jerusalem, and in the cities of Judah, in the cities of the hill country, in the cities of the Shephelah, and in the cities of the Negeb; for I will restore their
fortunes, declares the LORD."

Notice the focus. It is what Father is doing and our response to His purposes. It is God that unites our heart to fear His name. Left to ourselves we would wonder off into a ditch. I work with these people all the time. My tone here does not convey contempt but a humbling to know “but for the grace of God go I.” I don’t have to micromanage myself. I don’t have to fret over my decisions or beat myself up for my failures. Father has his purposes in my life that He will carry out. I make myself receptive to His working.

This is only a sliver of the process of my mind before the Lord. It is difficult to articulate my meditations.

An Allegory Revised

2007-08-15T09:38:00.000-05:00

by brent

edited by Jack H

Inspired by:

Dedicated to:

the Jack H in all of us

I’ve heard there was a distant land, that’s not so far away, called Mire. The land rested in a deep valley behind a high mountain, and sunlight rarely reached to the valley floor, and when it did it went unnoticed. The people of Mire could leave their valley if they so desired, but if they did they never could return.

Deep at the furthest reach of the valley was the village, Dim. In the village lived a man by the name of Solo. Solo lived with his father, Nay; his mother, No; his brother, Me; and his sisters, Whuh and Whah. They are the Selfish family.

Solo had a beautiful voice and late into the night he would sing a beautiful song that all the inhabitants of Mire could hear. They wondered at the sweetness of his voice and praised God for giving him such a gift. His songs would lull them to sleep at night and give them peace. However, Solo had a pain inside him that so twisted his meaning that all could hear his song but could not understand his words.

Solo’s friend, Duo, understood something of the pain within Solo, and advised him to seek out Seer, who lived by the spring in the woods outside the village. It was said that Seer welcomed all who came to see him, but rarely did anyone come. The next morning Solo and Duo inquired of Seer. Seer listened intently as Lonely described his plight. Seer went to his cabinet to retrieve his Bottle of Salve, and applying the Salve to Solo’s eyes he said, “This is made from the blossoms of Revelation which grows in the Garden of Love tended by the Great King. Go now to the spring which flows behind my hut and wash your eyes.” Solo did so at once, and his heart leapt at the brightness of the world, seen for the first time. Then Seer gave Solo some Bread of Knowledge to eat. It was rich and full and as he ate warmth filled his soul. “What shall I do?” pleaded Solo. “You must travel to the city, Change, that covers the peak of the tall mountain,” replied Seer. “There you must request help from two strong men you will find there. Their names are Might and Able. They will take you to the Great King.” “How shall I find this city,” replied Solo. “You must stay on the Way called Truth,” Seer advised. “I will go,” stated Solo.

That night at supper Lonely spoke with his family of his plans. They mocked him and tried to dissuade him from attempting such a preposterous journey. “Why, you can’t go there; no one has ever traveled to Change and came back. I hear that there is a great beast there that swallows the seeker whole, and no good will come of that,” Father Nay said. “I’m afraid it’s so,” replied Mother No, “there are dangers that will beset you and you will die.” “Why would you want to leave here, brother Solo,” exclaimed Sister Whuh. “This is such a beautiful and such a happy place.” Whah added, slowly, “And you are all alone. You cannot do it.” Me just sneered and laughed, “We all think you’re crazy.” No amount of explaining changed his family’s mind as to the importance of the journey. They pleaded and plotted but could not discourage Solo, for Dou encouraged him. Lonely asked his family to come with him but they had closed their ears and went to bed. Solo’s friends got wind of his journey and came to encourage him. “You can do it,” they responded, and gave advice on how to be successful though none of them had traveled the Way of Truth before. Secretly, they didn’t want him to leave Mire, for they loved his enchanting music.

Early the next morning, Solo and Dou started their journey to the City of Change. Mother No made his breakfast and packed him a lunch. “You don’t know what awaits you,” she fretted, “It won’t be anything like here.” “Yes, and what if you fail?” exclaimed Me. “Why do you listen to that crazy old man, Seer, anyway?” Father Nay said, “He’s delusional and doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Sister Whah just kept insisting her brother Solo go back to bed. But with all that Solo and Duo started on their way.

As they were going on the Way of Truth to the City of Change, Solo’s friend, Habit met him. “Solo!” he called out, “Wait for me! You don’t want to go just yet. You promised that we would play a game today. You can go on this journey anytime.” “Well, I did promise,” thought Solo. “No, we must go now,” exclaimed Duo. “You must not harden your heart today.” “Please, come with me,” Habit said as he pulled on Solo’s arm. Solo started to follow but Duo gently nudged him onto the Way of Truth and they were off. Habit called after Solo for what seemed a very long time. Several times Solo turned to chase after him but each time Duo took hold of his hand. Solo considered shaking his hand free but thought better and allowed Duo to lead him.

The first village they came to was called Difficulty. It rested on what seemed a cliff that went straight up. At the entrance of the city Lazy and Procrastination met him and inquired about his journey. They went with them as they climbed through the city. Several times they slipped and fell but Lazy and Procrastination were no help. They just kept insisting they stop and rest. “We don’t have to move so fast,” cried Procrastination. “Yes, we can stop here and partake of the sweet wine of lethargy,” stated Lazy. Solo was tempted to stop for he was very tired and recalled his family’s words. But he felt hands pull him up by his shoulder. “Ho, it seems you could use some help,” the stranger said. Two men had pulled him up and were now standing before him. “I’m Perseverance and this is my brother Patience,” explained the man. “Thank you,” replied Solo. “I could not have done it without you.” “Where are you going?” asked Patience. “We are on the Way of Truth to the City of Change,” replied Solo. “May we come with you?” asked Perseverance. “You don’t want to take them,” Lazy and Procrastination exclaimed, “they will hold you back and slow you down.” That is when Duo said, “I think we can trust these men, let’s not listen to Lazy and Procrastination.” So Perseverance and Patience traveled with Solo and Duo on their journey.

The Way of Truth wound through the countryside and came up to the dark hamlet of Discouragement. The clouds were particularly ominous and overshadowed the village. Everyone they came to was quiet and their heads were bowed. No one spoke or made eye contact. They tried to talk with the inhabitants but none would listen or say a word. As they walked, each step became harder than the one before. With every step a weight seemed to drop onto their shoulders. They came to an old lady and asked her for a drink of water. She gave them all a drink but the water was too bitter to swallow. She said her name was Despair and warned the travelers to turn back. Even Perseverance and Patience were faltering when two young, bright girls beckoned them to follow. Duo prompted all to go on. As they weaved their way through the dark town in silence each step became easier than the one before. However, if they turned from the young girls they felt the pressure and the silence from the city more fiercely. As they came out from under the dark cloud they were under, Solo thanked them for leading them out. He introduced himself and his fellows and asked, “What are your names?” They spoke together, “We are Hope and Faith. We were sent by the Great King to help you on your way.” So they traveled with them and never left their side.

The journey seemed long but at last they were encouraged by the sight of a great peak ahead of them. They commented to each other, “Surely this in the peak that leads to the City of Change.” The climb was hard, but finally they reached to summit. Before their eyes sprawled a great expanse filled with green pastures and flowing rivers. Little cottages dotted the landscape. The people were friendly and welcoming. They inquired of one family as they stopped to refresh themselves. “Oh, the City of Change, it is a beautiful city not too far from this place. But our village has so much to offer that none of us desire to go there. You have come to the Plateau of Complacency in the region of Good Enough. My name is Ease and my wife is Settled. Our children are Apathy and Deception” “Aren’t you curious about the City of Change? Don’t you wish to see the Great King?” asked Solo. “We like it here; even if we don’t always have exactly what we want it still is good enough. Doesn’t the Great King tell us to bear our burden without complaining? We believe the Great King wants us to stay here.” And at that, all the family started insisting that they stay. Seeing the commotion, three other travelers approached. They were Heart, Desire, and Vision. Heart commented first, “If you do not wish to go, do not prevent others from going to the City of Change!” “I know the way,” Vision added. “Yes, come with us,” Desire encouraged. So they all made haste on the Way of Truth to the City of Change, rejoicing as they went, each one encouraging the other.

The city was near, on the very border of the Plateau of Complacency. Solo thought it strange that so many lived so close yet never entered the city. At the entrance of the city sat two old men who discouraged travelers from entering. They were Arrogance and False-humility. “Don’t come here;” called Arrogance, “it’s not what you think it will be.” The other cried out, “You will have to die to enter the city! Turn back!” “If you stay on this side of the gate you can return to your family someday. You have come far enough to prove yourself worthy of entering in,” exclaimed False-humility. The travelers tried to enter the gate but the old men stood in the way. For all their frailty they had amazing strength – so much that Solo could not enter in even with the help of his friends. It was then that Duo whispered in Solo’s ear to call for the strong men. At once, Solo called out, “Might! Able! Are you here? Help me!” But the old men growled, “They will not help you.” Perseverance, Hope, and Faith together encouraged Solo to keep calling out. Solo cried out even more intently for help from the strong men as the battle raged. He felt like giving up as he remembered the words of his family but Duo prompted Heart to support Solo and he gained strength and called out all the more. The battle with the old men seemed like it would go on forever. “He will not send the strong men,” said one. “The Great King does not care about you,” said the other. “You wasted your trip! You are a fool!” they exclaimed.

Suddenly the strong men were there, and struck the old men silent and carried Solo through the gates to the palace of the Great King. In the throne room, the Great King sat arrayed in His royal garments. His face shone with light, and his eyes inspired all who looked with joy, so full of love they seemed. His presence was laughter and His voice peace. All self-consciousness melted away in the memory of the Great King.

“What do you request, my son,” asked the King. “I have a pain inside of me that will not heal,” replied Solo. “Seer told me you could heal it and make me whole.” “Seer is correct,” stated the King, “but I’ve already healed the wound that caused your pain.” With that, Solo realized that his pain was truly gone. He had been so used to it that he acted as if it were still there. “But how has this happened?” Solo asked in wonder. “I sent you friends, and you received them,” replied the King. “You have been alone, and your name was Solo. This is your name no more, for I give you a new name. You will be called Harmony.”

I’ve heard there was a distant land, called Mire. Shadows draped its vales and all its paths were heavy with mud. Sunlight hardly fell. But one dull morning in the grim town of Dim, which rested in the deepest shadows of the highest peak of the mountains that surrounded the valley, the villagers were stirred from their labors by a sound that gripped their hearts. Soaring like a flock of songbirds there rose a song so sweet with joy and sadness that the grim gray cliffs echoed like cathedral walls and the clouds parted to flood the land with light. Every man and woman and child searched the high horizon for the source of such a sound, but slowly within their own souls there stirred the notes of their own songs, which welled up and flowed off their tongues until the whole of the land was washed in a symphony of music that rolled like thunder and rang like laughter. I’ve heard that valley still resounds with fresh echoes of that first new day when the sun came at last to visit and to stay, and from the tall mountains Harmony came down again into the valley, and brought with him a new name for that place -- that Mire might ever after be called by the name of Friendship.

An Allegory

2007-08-14T22:33:00.000-05:00

by brent

Inspired by:

Dedicated to:

the Jack H in all of us

There is a distant land that isn’t that far away called the Land of Stuck. The sun rarely shines there though it does but hardly anyone notices. It rests in a deep valley beyond a high mountain. The occupants of Stuck can see the world from there if they so desire but they can never leave as long as they remain citizens of Stuck.

Deep at the furthest reach of the valley is the village, Clueless. In the village lives a man by the name, Lonely. Lonely lives with his father, Unbelief; his mother, Fear; his brother, Prideful; and his sisters, Ignorance and Melancholy. They are the Selfish family.

Lonely has a beautiful voice and late in the night he would sing a beautiful song that all the inhabitants of Clueless could hear. They marveled at the sound of his voice and credited God for giving him such a gift. His songs would lull them to sleep at night and give them peace. However, Lonely had a wound inside of him that although all could hear none could understand his words.

Lonely’s friend, Companion, advised him to inquire of Seer who lived outside of the city. Seer was a wise man who lived by the spring in the woods. Seer had invited all to come and visit him but rarely did anyone take him up on his offer. The next morning Lonely and Companion inquired of Seer. Seer listened intently as Lonely described his plight. Seer went to his cabinet to retrieve a bottle of salve. As he applied the salve to Lonely’s eyes he said, “This is the salve, Revelation, made in love by the Great King.” Once applied, Seer had Lonely go to the spring and wash his eyes. It was as if scales fell to the ground and Lonely could see the sunshine for the first time. Then Seer gave Lonely some Bread of Knowledge to eat. It was rich and full and warmth filled his soul as he ate. “What shall I do?” pleaded Lonely. “You must travel to the city, Change, at the top of the mountain,” replied Seer. “It is there that you must request help from two strong men of the city. Their names are Power and Ability. They will take you to the Great King.” “But how do I find this city,” replied Lonely. “You must stay on the road called the Way of Truth,” Seer advised. “I will go,” stated Lonely.

That night at supper Lonely began to speak of his journey with his family. They ridiculed him and tried to dissuade him from attempting such a preposterous journey. “Why, you can’t go there; no one has ever traveled to Change and come back. I hear that there is a great beast there that swallows the seeker whole,” Father Unbelief said. “Oh, yes,” replied Mother Fear, “there will be dangers that will befall you and you might die.” “Why would you want to leave here, brother Lonely,” exclaimed Sister Ignorance, “this is such a beautiful and happy place.” Melancholy slowly added, “But you are all alone and can’t do it.” Prideful just sneered and laughed, “Everyone thinks you’re crazy.” They pleaded and plotted but could not discourage Lonely for Companion kept encouraging him. No amount of explaining changed his family’s mind as to the importance of the journey. Lonely asked his family to come with him but they just made excuses as to why they couldn’t and went to bed. Lonely’s friends got wind of his journey and came to encourage him. “You can do it,” they responded, and gave advice on how to be successful, though none of them had gone the Way of Truth before. Secretly, they didn’t want him to leave Stuck for they loved his enchanted music.

Early the next morning, Lonely and Companion started their journey to the City of Change. Mother Fear made his breakfast and packed him a lunch. “You don’t know what awaits you,” she fretted, “It won’t be anything like here.” “Yes, what if you fail,” exclaimed Prideful. “Why do you listen to that crazy old man, Seer, anyway?” Father Unbelief said, “He’s delusional and doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Sister Melancholy just kept insisting her brother Lonely go back to bed. But with all that Lonely and Companion started on their way.

As they were going on the Way of Truth to the City of Change, Lonely’s friend, Habit met him. “Lonely,” he called out, “wait up! You don’t want to go just yet. You promised that we would play a game today. You can go on this journey anytime.” “Well, I did promise,” thought Lonely. “No, we must go now,” exclaimed Companion. “You must not harden your heart today.” “Please, come with me,” Habit said as he pulled on Lonely. Lonely started to follow but Companion gently nudged him onto the Way of Truth and they were off. Habit persistently called after Lonely for what seemed a very long time. Several times Lonely turned to chase after him but each time Companion took hold of his hand. Lonely thought of shaking his hand free then thought better and allowed Companion to lead him.

The first village they came to was called Difficulty. The city rested on what seemed a cliff that went straight up. At the entrance of the city Lazy and Procrastination met him and inquired about his journey. They went with them as they climbed through the city. Several times they slipped and fell but Lazy and Procrastination were no help. They just kept insisting they stop and rest. “We don’t have to move so fast,” cried Procrastination. “Yes, we can stop here and partake of the drink, Lethargy,” stated Lazy. Lonely was tempted to stop for he was very tired and recalled his family’s words. But he felt hands pull him up by his shoulder. “Hi, it looks like you can use some help,” the stranger said. Two men had helped him up and were now standing before him. “I’m Perseverance and this is my brother Patience,” explained the man. “Thank you,” replied Lonely. “I could not have done it without you.” “Where are you going?” asked Patience. “We are on the Way of Truth to the City of Change,” replied Lonely. “May we come with you?” asked Perseverance. “You don’t want to take them,” Lazy and Procrastination exclaimed, “they will hold you back and slow you down.” That is when Companion said, “I think we can trust these men, let’s not listen to Lazy and Procrastination.’ So Perseverance and Patience traveled with Lonely and Companion on their journey.

The Way of Truth winded through the country side and came up to a dark hamlet called Discouragement. The clouds were particularly dark and ominous that overshadowed the village. Everyone they came to was quiet with their head bowed. No one spoke or made eye contact. They tried to talk with the inhabitants but none would listen or say a word. As they walked, each step became harder than the one before. It was if gravity had taken on a new weight such that it was barely possible to hold your head up and not slump as you walked. They came to an old lady to request a drink of water. She gave them all a drink but the water was too bitter to swallow. She said her name was Despair and warned the travelers to turn back. Even Perseverance and Patience were faltering when two young, bright girls beckoned them to follow. Companion prompted all to go on. As they winded through the dark town in silence each step was easier than the one before. However, if they turned from the young girls they felt the pressure and the silence from the city more fiercely. As they came out from under the dark cloud, Lonely thanked them for leading them out. He introduced himself and his co-journeymen and asked, “What are your names?” They spoke simultaneously, “We are Hope and Faith. We were sent by the Great King to help you on your way.” So they traveled with them and never left their side.

The journey seemed long but they were encouraged by seeing a great peak ahead of them. They commented with each other, “Surely this in the peak that leads to the City of Change.” Once climbing over the peak they could see the great plateau before them. It was full of green pastures and flowing lakes. Little cottages dotted the landscape. The people were friendly and welcoming. They inquired of one family as they stopped to refresh themselves. “Oh, the City of Change, it is a beautiful city not too far from this place. But our village has so much to offer that none of us desire to go there. You have come to the Plateau of Complacency in the region of Good Enough. My name is Ease and my wife is Settled. Our children are Apathy and Deception” “Aren’t you curious about the City of Change? Don’t you wish to see the Great King?” replied Lonely. “We like it here; even if we don’t always have what we need it still is good enough. Doesn’t the Great King tell us to bear our cross without complaining? We believe the Great King wants us to stay here.” And at that, all the family started insisting that they stay. Seeing the commotion, three other travelers approached to inquire the reasoning. They were Heart, Desire, and Vision. Heart commented first, “If you do not wish to go, do not prevent others from going to the City of Change!” “I know the way,” Vision added. “Yes, come with us,” Desire encouraged. So they all made haste on the Way of Truth to the City of Change rejoicing as they went, each one encouraging the other.

Ease was right as they could see the city in the distance. It was not far at all. As a matter of fact, it bordered the Plateau of Complacency. Lonely thought it strange that so many lived so close yet never entered the city. At the entrance of the city sat two old men who discouraged travelers from entering. They were Arrogance and False-humility. “Don’t come here;” called Arrogance, “it’s not what you think it will be.” The other cried out, “You will have to die to enter the city! Turn back!” “You can live on this side of the gate in case you decide to return to your family someday. You have come far enough to prove yourself worthy of entering in,” exclaimed False-humility. The travelers tried to enter the gate but the old men stood in the way. And for all their frailty they had amazing strength in that Lonely could not enter in even with the help of his friends. It was then that Companion whispered in Lonely’s ear to call for the strong men. At once, Lonely called out, “Power! Ability! Are you there? Help me!” But the old men told him to be quiet. “They will not help you,” they growled. Perseverance, Hope, and Faith together encouraged Lonely to keep calling out. Lonely cried out the more intently for help from the strong men as the battle raged. Lonely felt like giving up as he remembered the words of his family but Companion prompted Heart to support Lonely and Lonely gained strength and called out all the more. The battle with the old men seemed like it would go on forever. “He will not send the strong men,” said one. “The Great King does not care about you,” said the other. “You wasted your trip! You are a fool!” they exclaimed.

At once the strong men were upon the old men and carried Lonely through the gates to the palace of the Great King. In the throne room, the Great King sat arrayed in His royal garments. To look into His eyes was pure joy. They flowed like great springs into the soul of another beckoning to come. His presence was laughter and His voice peace. All self-consciousness melted away in the memory of the Great King.

“What do you request, my son,” asked the King. “I have a wound inside of me that will not heal,” replied Lonely. “Seer told me you could heal it and make me whole.” “Seer is correct in his judgment,” stated the King, “but I’ve already healed your wound.” With that, Lonely realized that his wound was truly gone. He had been so used to it that he acted as if it was still there. “But how has this happened?” Lonely asked. “You received the friends I sent to you,” replied the King.

Idols

2007-08-13T10:39:00.001-05:00

Every goldsmith is put to shame by his idols.

Jeremiah 10:14

In reviewing my pastor’s message from yesterday, I came across this verse while looking at the context of his passage. What struck me about it is that we are all goldsmiths producing something. We all have what is important to us which will produce either shame or honor. Often the product is the same, but only the intent of our heart makes the difference. The irony here is that the goldsmith manipulates heat and pressure to make his product. It is heat and pressure that makes both the shameful or honorable goldsmith. The other point that struck me was that the product of our work will expose our heart. Our labors project our character.

Politics

2007-08-13T10:21:00.000-05:00

The political game sickens me. Politics and government are not the answer to anything. You cannot spend your way out of problems but must have the wisdom to address issues effectively. We cannot police thoughts or motives. That is the business of God and conscience. I cannot control what others say because it hurts my feelings. This silly bantering and positioning for power troubles me. We ignore the issues while we strain at swallowing knats.

I came across Newt Gingrich on TV yesterday and found what he said refreshing. He has grown as a person and politician it seems. There was a maturity about his approach that had substance. I believe he has a grasp on the situation and presents it as optimistically yet realistically as possible. It is more than sound bites to stir the emotion or provoke fear but substance that focuses on solutions. The status quo is not good enough and will not resolve the issues of today. Name calling and devaluing others are not effective in solving today’s problems.

I tend to stay away from political conversations because they are really not conversations. One has to listen to another and strive for mutual understanding for the conversation to be complete. Politics are not the answer. Christian activism will not bring in the Kingdom of God. I am not saying Christians shouldn’t be involved. It is only as we rely on the Holy Spirit in each specific situation can we demonstrate what it is to be Christ-like. He has the solutions for every situation we face. As I recall, Christ was a draw to the sinner because He had solutions to their questions. We seem to bring judgment and condemnation to the table and require others to be like us before we accept them. Jesus accepted others before He required change. As a matter of fact, it seems His love and acceptance of others provoked change. Acceptance does not mean agreement. Tolerance does not mean acceptance. We must value each other as God values us.

Capturing the Heart

2007-08-07T09:27:00.000-05:00

We are involved in a fierce conflict where victory is hard to define. All around us is uncertainty and trepidation. It is so vast it seems impossible to get our minds around it and coherently process and articulate. There are those around us that say it can’t be won. The cost is too great. We must avoid conflict at all costs. The ideas and opinions are so numerous it is difficult to settle on the right path – the path to victory. What shall be done? Will our fear paralyze us, bind us to inaction? Will the enemy overwhelm like a flood? Or will we turn and face the challenge, raising within our selves the courage to stand and fight, to look at the enemy and say, “You will advance no further.” The war I speak of are the battles for our children and the battleground is their hearts.

It is an ever present concern of mine – a worry if you will – that my children will have to go through a rebellious state as they grow and I’ll loose their hearts. I study families as to how they interact with their children and watch for the outcomes. I wonder what the missing component is of those who have lost the hearts of their children. Why do seemingly good families have these kids that wonder away into poor, hurtful choices? I could name several cases where there have been health issues involved and the child still with a determined, I-did-it-my-way attitude walks off the edge of the cliff. Does this have to be? Do some kids just need to be stupid?

It is necessary to first weigh out my own anxieties and need to be perfect. To what degree am I uncomfortable because the before mentioned stupid behavior reflects on me? You know, my child’s stupidity somehow demonstrates that there is something wrong with me. I need them to be perfect for me. Kids pick up on this and it produces resentment. If this is the case we will soon join Job in saying, “That which I most feared has come upon me.” It cannot be about us, even a residual “I don’t want them to hurt” or “I want them to be successful.” Rather, “You are o.k.”

I know enough to know that this war is not won in a day but one bloody battle after another. There will be advances and retreats. Several wounds will result from the fighting. We must bind up the wounds and keep fighting. It is absolutely essential to keep in mind that my child is not the enemy. This unseen, mysterious entity that would steal my child’s heart from me is the enemy. I can’t blame this on the devil. I’ve descended into the mysterious recess of the earth and find that I am the greatest challenge for my child’s heart. (We have seen the enemy and the enemy is us.) They want me to have their heart. It is their greatest desire – their greatest need. They are calling out for it in ways that seem strange and unnatural and contrary to reason. They lie and fight and defy and run but what they are saying is, “Do you really want my heart? Prove it!” So it is of utmost importance that we value them more than their behavior. Then, only then, does the process start of gaining their heart – when we give them ours.

I feel as if I’m a blind man groping about in the darkness until I stumble upon that for which I am looking. Can anyone help me see?

The Rightness of God

2007-08-06T10:22:00.001-05:00

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; steadfast love and faithfulness go before You.

Psalm 89:14

This verse provides comfort as injustices are around us. This justice does not have to be blind as it is right from the righteous Judge of the universe. It is easy to focus on the injustice of others in our self-righteous indignation. However, we hear the master say, “Cast out the mote in your own eye so you can see to help your brother.”

My agenda burns away from the gaze of His eyes – no wood, hay, or stubble here. Those things we cling to that are of our own insecurities will burn away. There is no getting around it. The only security is in Him. It is only as we bring our hearts before Him can we know His will and be exposed to His light.

Our cause will be justified or be exposed as false. Will we receive from His judgment or will we out of pride turn away and rationalize that we have not heard or seen the Truth. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

But there is no need to fear because His steadfast love and faithfulness goes before Him and a bruised reed he will not break and a smoldering wick He will not quench. His justice and righteousness is balanced by His love and faithfulness. He is perfect in all His ways and right in all His dealings. His intentions toward us are good. He alone is exalted. His name alone reigns supreme.

Emotional Responsibility

2007-08-05T17:22:00.000-05:00

Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves.

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

When I admit to a wrong I am taking personal responsibility. When I own the behavior I am taking emotional responsibility. If I become defensive and blame others or circumstances I am not taking emotional responsibility even if I accept the consequences for my behavior or admit I was wrong. When I admit wrong doing but give rationalization or become defensive, this is not taking emotional responsibility. If I only admit wrong when I am exposed, I am not being emotionally responsible. Emotional responsibility is not only admitting wrong doing and making amends but accepting internally the fact of the disharmony a particular event has caused and only considering the individual’s part in the harmonization process without any regard of the responsibility of others.

Emotional responsibility at its root is about personal growth in the whole person – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. It completely and thoroughly owns oneself. It is more than focusing on what is wrong but striving for what is right regardless of who is watching or what the consequences.

The Belly God

2007-08-04T12:53:00.000-05:00

Why is it, that we crave what isn’t good for us and even harmful? The body will naturally crave what it is allergic to. For instance, alcoholics are often hypoglycemic. Personally, I love night shades but they don’t sit well on my stomach. It seems there is something in human nature that wants what it shouldn’t have. Could the Fall have effected us on a molecular level?

I have learned that you can develop cravings over time and with exposure. It seems that our cravings are pliable. We can produce positive or negative cravings by time and exposure. While changing our eating habits a few years ago, my wife and I learned that we could change what our kids found tasteful. My son craves a salad everyday for at least a couple of his meals. Raw cheese is preferred over the chemical laden non-organic variety. I have found that I can expand my taste in music by spending time listening to a variety of styles. Rap isn’t music, right? I could also address cravings and preference from a sexual nature if I were not so modest. But you get the idea.

It seems that to crave what is good, wholesome, and right takes work. Preferences are not set in stone. However, that doesn’t mean they are easily changed. The question remains then is why change them at all if that is how we are naturally inclined? Why would God make us this way? What purpose would He have in putting in us natural desires that He would want us to change? Could it be that He wants us to grow and develop by facing challenges to our thinking and habits? Is there something beneficial in surrendering our wills to the Father? Could it be that He established fasting and a Sabbath rest for this very purpose – to bring our wills in line with His? You shall have no other gods before Me.

Peace.

b

The Art of Valuing Others

2007-08-03T12:32:00.000-05:00

“Look at me, Mommy!” “Daddy, watch me!” Our children have an insatiable need for validation. Every second of the day they are constantly watching us for our approval. They feed off of it – nourishment that feeds their soul.

In the daily grind of life it is easy to overlook and take for granted those who are important to us. It is not uncommon for me to think something positive about another and never convey the thought. On the contrary, it is not uncommon for me to represent an opposite thought by my silence. Or worse, by a tone of voice or a preoccupied look that doesn’t truly represent what I intend.

This is particularly important when it comes to family relations. My desire is to convey value to my wife and sons. Too often I am preoccupied or in a hurry and convey a message that they are not important. They will then personalize the message to, “I’m not important” or “There’s something wrong with me.” This works out into their belief system about themselves and God which, in turn, effects what they do and their future success.

Message sent is not always message intended. We must be diligent to let others know we value them. What I think conveys value is not necessarily what others need at that moment. The message may get lost if I don’t present it in a way that they can receive it.

Our example, of course, is the Father. He validates perfectly. Consider Luke 3:22. After Jesus is baptized the Spirit descends upon Him and the Father says, “You are My beloved Son, in You I am well pleased.” The Father’s focus was on Jesus as He validated Him. It was not primarily what You do for Me but, “You are valuable therefore I value You.” It’s perfect because it takes nothing away from the value comment. It is not weighted with ulterior motives or desires. The result being Jesus was valued and felt valued.

The other example is Jesus Himself. Isaiah 42:3: “A bruised reed He will not break and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish; He will faithfully bring forth justice.” The premise to Jesus’ actions is that He valued others. It was out of this deep sense of value that He recognized what others needed. He paid attention to the details. He was not so caught up with His mission that He forgot about what He was there for. He didn’t see people as commodities to His goal. I wonder if this is not why people were drawn to Him. He was approachable. He did not cast a judgmental eye toward others and require them to meet His needs. They did not feel that they had to be a certain way to be accepted by Him. It was out of this that people found the power to change. Remember the woman brought before Him by the religious leaders that wanted to stone her. She was shamed before Him; publicly humiliated. He didn’t feed into their public disgust at her expense. The one who could truly and rightly cast the first stone responded by validating her. Think of the woman at the well. She was a public disgrace that had to come in the middle of the day to get water. He started a conversation with her. I suppose He looked her in the eye and spoke her name. She felt shame by the scores who shamed her. Funny isn’t it, how we who have no ground to shame another get some since of self-validation from our judgments? How we attempt to validate ourselves by devaluing others.

Father God empowers us by always believing in us. I wonder what would happen in our lives if we acted on this in our relationships with others.

Performing His Word

2007-08-02T08:59:00.000-05:00

The LORD has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all. Bless the LORD, O you His angels, you mighty ones who perform His word, obeying the voice of His word! Psalm 103:19-20

It all boils down to being a demonstration of the Spirit. Faith without the resulting works is dead. The question I must ask myself is “Am I performing God’s word?” Am I a demonstration of His love and being? Do I have such a relationship with Father that people are stirred to ask about the hope that is in me?

The quandary that I often find myself in which puzzles me is the tendency to wane in my intensity toward the pursuit of God. It seems that I get distracted and allow myself to fall back into a commonplace business-as-usual attitude. It disturbs me when I realize that I’ve been in that state for sometime without being aware. How can a child of God maintain his intensity and desire? This is the real issue over sin. Sinning is the surface while motivation and priority is the core. Jesus focused on a man’s heart over his actions. As a human, my tendency is to structure things in my mind in a manageable set of ideas and rules so that I can have a sense of control. This isn’t all bad because it gives society a set of mores and values that we live by to get along. However, the problem is we cannot live up to these values or rules within ourselves. It is only by God’s grace, His enabling, through our relationship with Jesus that this can be done.

God has not equipped us to be perfect. Some will read this and say, “Amen, we are sinners saved by grace,” with the emphasis on “sinners.” Others will say that this is wrong because it diminishes what Jesus has completed in us. It tarnishes His sacrifice. What God has equipped us for is intimacy with Him and out of that intimacy flows perfection. The deeper my revelation of who He is and who I am in Him the greater the practical outworking in my life will be. My experience is in direct proportion to my revelation. My revelation is in direct proportion to my intimacy with Him.

Until the time that His word came to pass, the word of the Lord refined him.
Psalm 105:19

The refining process of the Word will bring the Word to pass. This uncomfortable striving with myself to maintain the pursuit of those I love is the process that brings it about. It is in this striving that the word of the Lord is performed – demonstrated – manifested. And He is glorified.

Somewhere in the night. . .

2007-08-01T11:15:00.000-05:00

this blog has had over a 1000 different readers. Thanks for the looksee. I hope that there might be something found here that is encouraging to someone. It has been my process. Seed thoughts that I meditate on through the mode of writing. Lately, I haven't written much but I do journal. It's funny how I have been having difficulty completing my thoughts in a coherent form. I've got a couple of things I'm working on that I hope to have completed soon. Thanks for reading.

Scripture Prayer

2007-07-18T23:29:00.000-05:00

Praise the Lord, all nations; Laud Him, all peoples! I praise You, O Lord! I thank You that Your lovingkindness has prevailed over me and Your faithfulness is perfect and everlasting. Praise the Lord.[1]

Father I present to You my body, soul, and spirit (the totality of my being) as a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to You, which is my spiritual act of worship.[2] I recognize that I belong to You. I am Your bond-slave – a slave to live righteously[3] and I make a conscious decision of faith to not be conformed to this world, but I choose to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. And I believe that I will demonstrate Your good, acceptable, and perfect will.[4] I recognize that I am a new creation in Christ with my old ways passed away and His new ways have come into my experience.[5] I acknowledge that You chose me before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before You and have blessed me with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ.[6]

I thank You, Father, for making Him who no sin to be sin on my behalf that I might become the righteousness of God in Jesus. Thank You for giving me your righteousness.[7] Thank You for multiplying to me grace and peace in the knowledge of God and Jesus my Lord. Thank You for giving me Your divine power which empowers me to live a godly life through the revelation of Him who called me. I thank You that you have made me a partaker of Your divine nature through Your precious and magnificent promises.[8] Thank You that I am no longer a slave to sin, that sin no longer reigns in my mortal body.[9] I acknowledge and appropriate by faith the crucifixion of Christ – I have been crucified with Christ; and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me; and the life I live in this body I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.[10]

Father grant me a spirit of wisdom and revelation that I might know Jesus better. Open the eyes of my heart so that I will know what is the hope of Your calling, the riches of the glory of Your inheritance in the saints, and the surpassing greatness of Your power toward me as I believe.[11] Father I thank You that I am Your workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which You have prepared for me to walk in today.[12] May Your kingdom come. Your will be done, in my life as it is in heaven.[13] Father, I recognize that this is the day You have made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.[14] Appoint lovingkindness and truth that they may preserve me.[15] Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You. So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.[16] Be glorified in me and demonstrate Your kingdom through me. You have established Your throne in the heavens, and Your kingdom rules over all.[17]
[1] Ps. 117
[2] Rom. 12: 1
[3] Rom. 6: 18 & 22
[4] Rom. 12:2
[5] II Cor. 5:17
[6] Eph. 1:3-4
[7] II Cor. 5:21
[8] II Pet. 1:2-4
[9] Rom. 6: 6 & 12
[10] Gal. 2:20
[11] Eph. 1:17-19
[12] Eph. 2:10
[13] Matt. 6:10
[14] Ps. 118:24
[15] Ps. 61:7
[16] Ps. 63:3-4
[17] Ps. 103:19

I am filled with power and energy!

2007-07-17T09:31:00.000-05:00

Acts 17:28 – For in Him we live and move and have our being. . .

I thank You, Father, for filling me with Your power and energy.
You give me strength to fulfill Your will today.
I have life! I have energy! I have strength!
I have the ability to accomplish God’s will!

The Laws of Mancala

2007-07-03T23:37:00.000-05:00

1. Slow down
2. Look at your options
3. Consider the consequences
4. Protect yourself
5. Learn from your mistakes

Me and J have been playing mancala quite a bit lately. He’s really good. I’ve been teaching him the laws of mancala as application to regular daily life. Maybe if I instill these in him now, he will be able to apply them more effectively as he grows.

Recently, I’ve been teaching him how to play chess. He’s not bad for a 7 year old. I’m teaching him on the chess set my dad taught me on.

Return

2007-07-02T10:43:00.000-05:00

Our Father which art in heaven, we Thy children are often troubled in mind, hearing within us at once the affirmations of faith and the accusations of conscience. We are sure that there is in us nothing that could attract the love of One as holy and as just as Thou art. Yet Thou hast declared Thine unchanging love for us in Christ Jesus. If nothing in us can win Thy love, nothing in the universe can prevent Thee from loving us. Thy love is uncaused and undeserved. Thou art Thyself the reason for the love wherewith we are loved. Help us to believe the intensity, the eternity of the love that has found us. Then love will cast out fear; and our troubled hearts will be at peace, trusting not in what we are but in what Thou hast declared Thyself to be. Amen.

A.W. Tozer

Return, O wanderer, now return,
And seek thy Father’s face;
Those new desires which in thee burn
Were kindled by His grace.

Return, O wanderer, now return,
And wipe the falling tear:
Thy Father calls,-no longer mourn;
‘Tis love invites thee near.

William Benco Collyer

I stumbled over these quotes in A.W. Tozer’s book “The Knowledge of the Holy.” What impressed me was the phrase, “Help us to believe the intensity, the eternity of the love that has found us.” It reminds me of Psalm 117:2, “For His lovingkindness is great toward us.” It literally means, that His love prevails over us. Father is constantly pursuing us. It is His grace that causes us to hear His calling voice. It is His love that removes the fear that causes us to hide from God and others. It is fear that prevents us from being intimate, being real with God and others. His love is in the process of eliminating this fear from us. Perfect love casts out fears. God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear but of power (ability), of love, and of a sound mind.

Being busy is an insufficient excuse for my long absence. So much has happened and so much has passed through my mind that I’ve thought of writing about. I’ve journaled but not here. It’s been like watching a merry-go-round spinning and wanting to jump on but not sure where, when, and how. So I just jumped on. I don’t have a lot of time to write but do enjoy the process. My apologies to the masses that hang on my every word.

I have wanted to write more, but particularly, I’ve wanted to write letters to my sons and wife on a regular basis. I would like to have regular family devotions. I would like to exercise regularly. I would like to improve my eating habits. I would like to pursue those I love with a passion. I would like to validate those closest to me as to how important they are to me. I would like to value what God values. I would like to be perfect. Acts 1:8 says, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you.” I believe this to mean that I will receive the ability to do all and be all that Father has in mind for me. I need to be at peace with that. I need to allow the process and time that the Spirit uses to take effect and be content with where I am all the while craving more of Him.

Peace.

b

Blessed Assurance

2007-04-27T11:37:00.000-05:00

A friend emailed me this today. This is my favorite hymn.

Short history of the best song of all.... and a story related to the song Blessed Assurance Words: Fanny Crosby, 1873: My friend, Mrs. Joseph F. Knapp, composed a melody and played it over to me two or three times on the piano. She then asked what it said. I replied, “Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!”

Story... “During the recent war in the Transvaal,” said a gentleman at my meeting in Exeter Hall, London, in 1900, “when the soldiers going to the front were passing another body of soldiers whom they recognized, their greetings used to be, ‘Four-nine-four, boys; four-nine-four;’ and the salute would invariably be answered with ‘Six further on, boys; six further on.’ The significance of this was that, in ‘Sacred Songs and Solos,’ a number of copies of the small edition of which had been sent to the front, number 494 was ‘God be with you until we meet again;’ and six further on than 494, or number 500, was ‘Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine.’”

I haven't posted in a while. A lot has happened since my last post. One of my best friends mom died. It's turkey season so my friends, minus one, came up. The toms were not responding to the call so nothing remarkable to tell there. They are coming back up this Sunday for another run at it. Hopefully the toms will be chasing hens by then and I'll have something better to report. Work has been stressful. I've learned that I truly hate conflict. Funny since I'm in the business of conflict. Things are looking brighter on this front.

Peace.

b

The Wonderful Cross By Isaac Watts

2007-04-09T11:25:00.000-05:00

When I survey the wondrous cross
on which the Prince of glory died,
my richest gain I count but loss,
and pour contempt on all my pride.

See, from his head,
his hands, his feet
sorrow and love flow mingled down
did e'er such love and sorrow meet,
or thorns compose so rich a crown?

O wonderful cross!
O the wonderful cross
bids me come and die and find that I may truly live.
O wonderful cross! O the wonderful cross!
All who gather here by grace
draw near and bless your name.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
that were an offer far too small;
love so amazing, so divine,
demands my soul, my life, my all.

O wonderful cross!
O the wonderful cross
bids me come and die and find that I may truly live.
O wonderful cross!
O the wonderful cross!
All who gather here by grace
draw near and bless your name.

O wonderful cross!
O the wonderful cross
bids me come and die and find that I may truly live.

Identity

2007-03-31T11:12:00.001-05:00

When I was a boy baseball was my favorite sport. My dad coached me through childhood teams. The message I received through my baseball career was that I didn’t measure up. I wasn’t the worst (I didn’t play right field) but I was nominal at best. An honest assessment would reveal that I had a good eye, was fast but was fearful and didn’t hit well because of it, and I didn’t have a strong arm. So at season end each year I would anxiously wait to see the All-Star roster and each year I would leave gravely disappointed and heart broken for not being selected on the team. My season always ended with the last game of regular season. Dad tried to encourage me but I’m sure my disappointment eclipsed all comments of encouragement. I only focused on my failure. One time, my last year of baseball, when I played in Jr. League at age 13 I was selected for the All-Star team because it was an all 13 year old team and there were not enough 13 year olds to comprise the team. The coach called me at home and tried to encourage me to play but I said that all those years being rejected put a bitter taste in my mouth for the All-Stars. I was a No-Star and wasn’t going to be on the team now. I did not want to be wanted out of default. The belief was established that I didn’t measure up. Failure had become my identity. The Peanuts cartoon was my favorite because I could identify with Charlie Brown. There is a great story by Raymond Lovett in Bringing Up Boys by Dr. Dobson that captures this superbly (pp. 152-158).

So all these years later there has been an undercurrent of this negative belief about myself that has tainted my every experience. These are extremely deep roots. Several years ago, Father started working this out of me. Through my church body, the leadership, and several books Father started revealing to me that my identity is Jesus. Everything else is not failure it is only a mirage of the real and a reminder that only a relationship with Jesus can meet that deep need of measuring up and belonging – intimacy. The solution has been and will continue to be renewing my mind to the truth of who I am in Christ.

I woke up this morning with this story and others like it on my mind. I’ve been experiencing a lot of stress lately and have found myself trying to measure up but feel as if I’m lacking. My unconscious solution has been to work harder. I need something to work on to prove my worth – to prove myself successful. Even good things are bad when they lead us away from the awareness of Jesus our identity. But what happens is that the busyness of mind only reveals that life with Jesus is the real thing, the only thing. Everything else is only a pursuit of our heart’s cry which is intimacy with Jesus and others we are in relationship with. This is where “happiness” is found. This is where peace and contentment reside.

The true message that I didn’t get back then was that only valuing intimacy with Jesus counts, everything else doesn’t matter. Everything else only demonstrates our need for it.

2007-03-24T10:16:00.000-05:00

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Virginia, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :

1. The season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus. 5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday .

Knitting

2007-03-22T10:34:00.001-05:00

We received a gift when me and H were married 13 years ago of three rugs that were hand knitted. (At least I would call it knitting.) I have one still in regular use on the back deck. It’s a little frayed but still in pretty good shape, especially being outside under a covered deck year round. I don’t think that machines knit that good. A Wal-Mart comparison wouldn’t have made it three years. This rug is a testimony for the one who made it. I don’t believe she is still alive but her rug lives on. What a craftsman!

I finished with my casual reading of Psalms last week and now feel my attention turning toward the Psalmist. Today while reading, I Samuel 18:1ff jumped out at me. It says, “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.” Wow! That strikes me. It appears to be love at first sight. The story of David and Jonathan is a story of best friends that extended to their heritage. It really is a beautiful story. It reminds of the song, “I want to be loved like that.”

The One who knit their souls together was God. And we know of His craftsmanship. I believe that we are all spools of material waiting to be knitted with each other. Let me correct myself. We are all being knitted to one another by the hands of time and the tools of common experience. Each interaction is a stitch. We sometimes become frayed and look all a mess but the skillful hands of the Master continues to work. The yarn has no say in what the Master Craftsman does. We think we can resist and get knotted up but He’s more skillful than the most tangled knot.

Who has Father knit you with? Why do you act as if you are knit with no one? This story is not on a different level reserved for only the special people. It is currently taking place with us all. It’s fascinating when you think about it. All the interactions we have is a great fabric that blankets the world. We are all connected through this knitting. This is especially true in the Spirit. It is absolutely true in the Spirit. And really all other human knitting is just an imitation of what the Spirit does with those who are connected in Christ.

Striving to Finish the Work

2007-03-21T17:55:00.000-05:00

With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan - to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations.

This struck me as I read it today. Do you know who said these words? Do you know the context?

The Great Global Warming Swindle

2007-03-21T12:52:00.000-05:00

Here is an interesting piece on global warming that you won't see on PBS.

Eating the Bread

2007-03-19T14:06:00.000-05:00

I work with a lot of parents who feel their attempt at parenting is vain. They fear that they will not see the fruit of their labor. Funny. The fruit that they are cultivating is not for themselves but for their children. The fruit is their children. They are not laboring so that they will have a great harvest but that their children will reap a great harvest. That their children will be a great harvest unto themselves.

We are not perfect but we do the best we can. We are learning as we go. We make mistakes but our heart is right. Hopefully, the years that the locusts have eaten will be restored. And one day we will see the fruit of our labor. We cast the bread of parenting – striving, sweating, worrying, playing, giving, sacrificing, loving – on the water and it will return to us at a later time.

The fact is that whatever we cast on the water will return to us – all that we cast will return. This is why it is important to cast love and commitment – all of yourself. Sometimes we cast impatience, frustration, and ignorance. My theory is that if your heart is right and you do the best you can there will be some positive return. If you’re striving unselfishly, pursuing your children then your efforts will not be in vain. I like to hear stories of the bread returning. What a satisfying meal to taste the sweet success of mature, responsible, respectable children who return to demonstrate thanks.

My waters are calm now. I’m on this side of the storm when my children see me as God. I can do no wrong in their sight. I must make the most of these calm waters to prepare for the tumultuous waves ahead. The more I prepare now the easier the waves will seem. And many years after the storms have passed and the waters grow calm again will my bread return unto me. How do I prepare, you ask? I must give them myself daily. Nothing less will do.

The Touch of the Master's Hand

2007-03-17T17:59:00.000-05:00

It was battered and scarred,
And the auctioneer thought it
Hardly worth his while
To waste his time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile.
"What am I bid, good people", he cried,
"Who starts the bidding for me?"
"One dollar, one dollar, Do I hear two?"
"Two dollars, who makes it three?"
"Three dollars once, three dollars twice, going for three",

But, No,
From the room far back a grey haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow,
Then wiping the dust from the old violin
And tightening up the strings,
He played a melody, pure and sweet,
As sweet as the angel sings.

The music ceased and the auctioneer
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said "What now am I bid for this old violin?"
As he held it aloft with its' bow.
"One thousand, one thousand, Do I hear two?"
"Two thousand, Who makes it three?"
"Three thousand once, three thousand twice,
Going and gone", said he.

The audience cheered,
But some of them cried,
"We just don't understand."
"What changed its' worth?"
Swift came the reply.
"The Touch of the Masters Hand."

And many a man with life out of tune,
All battered with bourbon and gin,
Is auctioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd
Much like that old violin.
A mess of pottage, a glass of wine,
A game and he travels on.
He is going once, he is going twice,
He is going and almost gone.
But the Master comes,
And the foolish crowd never can quite understand,
The worth of a soul and the change that is wrought
By the Touch of the Master's Hand.

Preparing To Succeed

2007-03-16T11:16:00.000-05:00

I don’t think fear of failure is a great way to motivate, because your emphasis is on failure. We need to prepare to be successful. Coach Bill Self

I found this quote today while reading the Jayhawk’s preview for the game tonight. Kansas has lost in the first round in the tournament the last two years and Self was frustrated by all the questions that wasn’t related to this years team. The point is universal. If I continually watch the ditch then I’ll eventually drive into it. It reminds me of a movie I watched as kid where a famous tight-rope walker was going to walk across some tall buildings. It was a true story. This was a routine event but he was overly concerned about falling and as the story goes he fell to his death.

It is important to consider all angles to an issue with a mindset of success. You think about it. You plan for it. I work with kids a lot that have dealt with extreme, gargantuan disappointment. They expect to fail. They don’t believe that things will work out for them so they give up trying. They are paralyzed and cannot face their fears. So I encourage them to be mindful of the challenges and then throw out their exit strategy. The Roman Empire was great because Alexander would redesign his armor when he got injured. But he never put any armor on his back.

I am not talking about unrealistic and idealistic mish-mash. Wisely preparing for success is the key. It is an attitude – a shift in focus that makes all the difference.

Asking For Stones

2007-03-11T11:27:00.000-05:00

May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace; may our granaries be full, providing all kinds of produce; may our sheep bring forth thousands and ten thousands in our fields; may our cattle be heavy with young, suffering no mishap or failure in bearing; may there be no cry of distress in our streets! Blessed are the people to whom such blessings fall! Blessed are the people whose God is the LORD! Psalm 144:12-15

Sometimes when I’m reading Scripture in the mornings I get stuck on a passage and can’t move on. It’s like Jacob holding onto the Lord until He blessed him. I’ve been on this passage for several days now and it won’t let me go until I give it my blessing of understanding. It’s hard to describe. I don’t have a peace to move on. So I meditate on this before the Lord while waiting for the revelation of the passage for me.

Psalms 139 and 143 affected me the same way. I wrote them in my journal but didn’t process here. Even with those passages I felt I moved on too early.

The passage struck me because of how David was asking for prosperity. It seems he wasn’t shy about it. You know, beating upon his chest, piously explaining how unworthy he is and asking that God would somehow see fit to grant this one measly request, like he was putting God out. Remember when you would interrupt your dad while he was doing something and he would gruffly respond, “What do you want!” Or worse yet, when you have done this to your children.

I find that I approach Father this way. Maybe that is the bit of revelation I’m waiting to sink in. Father doesn’t respond in frustration or exasperation. He wants to bless us. He wants to love on us. But we in our attitude of “unworthiness” won’t allow it. I think one day in the future we’ll look back over our lives and realize just how much we missed out on. Not because of a stingy god but because of our own unwillingness to believe in a loving Father.

My wife has been sick and wanted me to pick some things up from the store last night after work. It was so that I would get there right at closing time. Therefore, she called and asked if they would collect the items and allow me to come and pick them up. When I got there I found out what clerk did the collecting and tried to give her a tip. She refused it. She missed the blessing I wished to bestow upon her. How many times have I done this to Father? I can remember occasions where someone tried to bless me and I refused. “When you’ve done it unto the least of these…” I refused because of my pious feeling of unworthiness, like it wasn’t right to receive a blessing from another. It was an insult to them. I wonder if Father is insulted when we refuse His gifts.

So what have I learned? Pray up! Don’t be shy in asking! The offense is not believing Father would grant such a prayer – not trusting and believing He is a loving Father who would not give a stone when we ask for bread. But why take the chance? So I continue to ask for stones thinking that bread is too much of a request.

Father, help me to take the limits off my thinking. Help me to see You and myself as You do and receive all that You want for me.

Richard Alexander

2007-03-09T20:28:00.000-06:00

Occasionally when bored, I like to go surfing. I will look for blog names that jump out at me in hopes to find a good read. I've looked at 100s of them since finding the world of blog. I even bookmark some of them to visit occasionally. One such blog was from an 80 year old conservative who fought in WWII. He started blogging because his local newspaper would only run a letter to the editor once every thirty days. He felt that he had more to say than that.

His son made the last post a few days ago. He died March 4th. March 5th would have been two years to the day when he started blogging. Now he belongs to the ages.

I was saddened by this news when I surfed by his site today. I didn't know him and for the several months I've been reading I only made two or three comments. But I admired him and told him as much in one of my comments. It feels as if we have all lost something. You know how it was when we were kids and something of significance happened yet we were too immature to realize it. There has been a great disturbance in the force. The sad thing is that I'm not sure what it was we lost. His dignity and character? His presence? His contribution to life? His contribution to the country he loved? I feel like a little boy next to him and can't quite grasp the significance of the moment. We have lost a part of a treasure that is slowly slipping away. And before long it will all be gone.

A Psalm of Life

2007-03-06T10:24:00.000-06:00

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream! –
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, – act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time.

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
(February 27, 1807 - March 27, 1882)

On the Eclipse of the Moon July 30, 1776

2007-03-05T10:24:00.000-06:00

The moon in silver glory shone,
And not a cloud in sight;
When suddenly a shade begun
To intercept her light.

How fast across her orb it spread,
How fast her light withdrew!
A circle, ting'd with languid red,
Was all appear'd in view.

While many with unmeaning eye
Gaze on thy works in vain;
Assist me, LORD, that I may try
Instruction to obtain.

Fain would my thankful heart and lips
Unite in praise to thee;
And meditate on thy eclipse,
In sad Gethsemane.

Thy people's guilt, a heavy load!
(When standing in their room)
Depriv'd thee of the light of GOD,
And fill'd thy soul with gloom.

How punctually eclipses move,
Obedient to thy will!
Thus shall thy faithfulness and love,
Thy promises fulfil.

Dark, like the moon without the sun,
I mourn thine absence, LORD!
For light or comfort have I none,
But what thy beams afford.

But lo! the hour draws near apace,
When changes shall be o'er;
Then shall I see thee face to face,
And be eclips'd no more.

John Newton.

I saw this here and thought it pretty good. I liked the third stansa. My eyes will be "unmeaning" if I don't allow Father to assist me to understand. The initial thought on the last stansa is that he is talking about death. But after futher thought, I believe that it is the passing of what seems like seperation from God. He always beholds our face even when we cannot see his. The eclipse it seems is of our own perception. The moon has not moved. We have only gotten in the way of its light.

Wilberforce

2007-03-03T22:36:00.001-06:00

Tonight H and I went to see Amazing Grace, the story of William Wilberforce. It was entertaining. There were some historical misrepresentations but the movie was not bad overall. It is amazing how Hollywood has to get their digs in about the war and other social issues. The one thing I don’t like is how they will portray the story from our eyes today instead of telling the story of history in its historical context. They did portray him as a religious man and a man of faith. I tend to want more of the spiritual side of the story but was impressed with how they didn’t downplay the role his relationship with God on his convictions. This is pretty impressive for Hollywood.

Overall, the most impressive thing about the story to me was that Wilberforce obviously had a calling on his life and the conviction to carry it out. It kind of made me feel small but everyone isn’t called to be the point man. For almost 20 years he submitted bill after bill to abolish the slave trade. He stuck to his convictions even when others were telling him not to. He lived to see the abolishment of the slave trade and saw the beginnings of the abolishment of slavery which occurred shortly after his death. The man was an inspiration. It causes me to consider my own life and what purpose God has for me. One line that I liked was when Wilberforce was consulting with his mentor, John Newton. Newton said that God doesn’t always speak with the mighty thunder storm but with slow, light drizzle, one drop at a time. What I take from this that I need to listen and be obedient daily. And out of this my purpose and calling will be manifest. Another thought I had was that my greatest purpose is that of being a father. As I invest in my children, they will in turn invest in the people God puts in their lives, as well as their children. The investment will grow and the stone will become a mountain. When it comes down to it, the only thing that really matters is what does Father think and is He pleased.

My Hope

2007-03-01T08:50:00.000-06:00

My hope as a parent is that my children grow up. (I was going to add "to be..." here but I feel that this captures it.) I want them to mature as responsible adults. That means they are not emotionally reactive to the winds of our fickle society. It means that they stand for what is right in spite of who is telling them to sit down. May they lead by word and example. I hope they will have a heart for the Truth regardless of the glamour of the lie. They will raise their families in selfless dedication. They will be men of substance. They will love Jesus, their family, and their country. They will be students of the Word. I hope they demonstrate what it means to be citizens in the Kingdom of our Lord. I want them to have compassion on the needy yet help the needy learn responsibility and self-sufficiency. I want them to be happy but not at the price of their soul. I hope they experience and maintain true joy. May they never waste their sorrows. May they never shrink back from their responsibility of being men. I want them to know love and friendship as I have. I don’t want them to be afraid of intimacy. I don’t want them to be afraid of risk or challenges. May they grow up to be men of God, having Him as their hearts desire. May they seek first His kingdom and righteousness. May they learn to trust Jesus in every circumstance of life – living by faith and not by sight. To sum it all up, may they learn to fear the Lord and allow His wisdom to rule their life. If they can do this, can grow in this, they will have a full, successful life. I want them to have it better than me in everyway. May they stand on my shoulders and reach new heights.

Developing Our Thought Life

2007-02-27T10:06:00.000-06:00

This was the topic my pastor spoke on last Sunday. It is crucial that we think right if we are going to be successful in any endeavor we undertake. It is absolutely essential to think like Father thinks if we are going to be like Him. Father is changing our mind day by day. Father, help us to think Your thoughts after You. The following are some notes I took as Bishop was speaking.

1. We are shaping our children’s life with words – good and bad.
2. God created man in His image and likeness in order that man could think like He does. This implies communion.
3. Christ came to remedy the Isaiah 55:8 problem. We can train and develop our thoughts to think as Father thinks. We use this verse to focus on the negative that we can’t think like God thinks. However, this is not true in Christ. Jesus came to reveal God’s thoughts in order to restore man to think as He does.
4. I am only going to learn God’s ways by developing my thought life.
5. I live beneath my privileges when I don’t think like Father thinks. Thinking carnally robs me of my spiritual privileges. If I’m not responsible in my thinking then I lose the privileges and blessings that are mine in Christ.
6. If I don’t have a proper judgment about my value, I won’t live up to my potential.
7. Spiritual thoughts are more powerful than carnal thoughts. The light that is within us is more powerful than the darkness that surrounds us. Truth is stronger than error. There is more grace in God’s heart than sin in man’s heart. There is more power in one drop of the blood of Jesus than the accumulative sin of man.
8. We grow up/mature by training our minds to think positively as He does.
9. Some thoughts I think, I shouldn’t say. Sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut! Some thoughts are contrary to the truth.
10. Our life is in our thinking – positively or negatively.
11. Fill your mind with whatever is true.
12. The Righteous Judge of the earth is going to do the right thing.
13. In order to glorify God in my spirit and body I have to think positively.

Psalm 138

2007-02-23T12:37:00.000-06:00

I will give You thanks with all my heart;

O how my heart can be divided! And how this man can be double-minded. I love David. He knew how to give his heart to Father. He knew how to be intimate. It becomes common-place to only give a portion of my heart, all the while thinking I’m giving my all. Giving the whole heart is a choice that we can make. We don’t have to wait until the wind or season is right before we sail.

I have lunch with my pastor on Thursdays. Often we don’t have an agenda in our conversation but just enjoying each other’s presence in the presence of Father. He gives his heart more than anyone I’ve ever known. He demonstrates this and I’m learning. I used to think I was intimate until I got married and realized what intimacy really was. I am just in kindergarten.

I will sing praises to You before the gods.

At first reading I skimmed over this thinking that we really don’t believe in other gods to praise God before. But after a closer thought, I realized the other gods are my idols that I’ve set up. These are things that I worship by giving my time and energy – things that I place before God. I will stand in allegiance before these things as I worship the one true God.

I will bow down toward Your holy temple
And give thanks to Your name for Your lovingkindness and Your faithfulness;
For You have magnified Your promise together with all Your name.

“For You have magnified (enlarged) Your word according to all (in the same measure) Your name.” “Be it unto you according to your faith.” Father’s name and word are the same which is demonstrated in lovingkindness and faithfulness.

On the day I called, You answered me;
You made me bold with strength in my soul.

I like that, “On the day.” How many times have I called and thought God didn’t answer, at least not in what I would consider was a timely fashion. However, I could have missed it. Looking back, did I not have strength of soul to address the concern? Faith is action. I move out with boldness and the strength of soul is there with each step. My part is moving. His part is giving strength of soul. I just need to be concerned with my part.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will keep me alive;
You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
And Your right hand will save me.
The Lord will accomplish what concerns me;
Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

There is a comfort in knowing that the Lord will accomplish what concerns me. I often think of the Lord as a silent by-stander, passively watching but rarely involved. The truth is that He is intricately involved in my circumstances and will bring about His purposes.

Finally Home

2007-02-23T12:35:00.000-06:00

We're finally home. Actually, we arrived late Wednesday afternoon. I had work responsibilities that kept me from giving you an update. C is doing great, better than expected. We give Father praise for this and trust Him for C's recovery and development. Thank you all for praying.

Canaan Update

2007-02-18T10:53:00.000-06:00

H called this morning and said that C had a very good night. He slept several hours and was up watching a movie laughing his belly wrenching laugh while waiting on his french fries. How can you say, no?

Yesterday, he seemed to be in a lot of pain with a head ache and spasms. There have been no spasms since last night but he still has a head ache. We should be out of the PICU today. Pray that C's recovery will be speedy with no difficulty with leaking spinal fluid. Thank you for your prayers.

Peace.

b

Successful Surgery

2007-02-16T22:21:00.000-06:00

Canaan's surgery went very well. He is currently recovering in the PICU at St. Louis Children's Hospital with his mother by his side. Me, J, and Grandma are at the hotel for the night. Dr. Park believes that the issue was resolved in a way that will help prevent a recurrence - at least in the short term. There is always the possibility that as C grows the scar tissue will adhere to the spinal column and stretch the nerves. This is what causes the loss in mobility and the leg spasms. The issue at hand now is ensuring that spinal fluid is not leaking from the incision. The goal is that in a few days he will be moved to a regular room and then after another three days of recovery we'll be home. Thank you all for your prayers. Continue to pray that Father will oversee C's recovery and development. C seems more responsive and looks better this time compared to last year's surgery. H figured out that he will sleep better if she leaves him alone a little more than attending to him every time he moves.

Great Peace

2007-02-15T10:18:00.000-06:00

Those who love Your law have great peace [שׁלם שׁלום],
And nothing causes them to stumble.
Psalm 119:165

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace [שׁלם שׁלום], whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Isaiah 26:3

Shaw-lome’ Shaw-lome’, Peace Peace, Great Peace, Perfect Peace

Peace, Peace, Wonderful Peace,
Coming down from the Father above.
Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray,
In fathomless billows of love.

This chorus came to mind when I read Ps. 119:165 today. We have a perfect peace. We have a great peace – a peace that passes all understanding. This is our promise from Father. We lose our peace when we don’t trust Him to give us the energy, understanding, and ability to face our difficult circumstances. Sometimes He overwhelms us with His presence and peace. Sometimes we have to consciously roll our cares onto Him. Sometimes we want to sit in our unrest and we refuse His peace.

What a promise! “Nothing causes them to stumble” who love the law of God; who want to do His will. I can’t cause myself to stumble when I have an earnest desire and willingness to do God’s will. I, after all, am my biggest stumbling block.

The feeling I initially had when I got the news that my youngest son would have surgery tomorrow like the after effects of being punched in the stomach is replaced with His peace. There is still some irritability and weariness of soul but there is an unexplainable peace that overrides it all.

Puritan Prayer for Morning

2007-02-15T10:09:00.000-06:00

Compassionate Lord, Thy mercies have brought me to the dawn of another day. Vain will be its gift unless I grow in grace, increase in knowledge, ripen for spiritual harvest. Let me this day know Thee as Thou art, love Thee supremely, serve Thee wholly, admire Thee fully. Through grace let my will respond to Thee, knowing that power to obey is not in me, but that Thy free love alone enables me to serve Thee. Here then is my empty heart, overflow it with Thy choicest gifts; here is my blind understanding, chase away its mists of ignorance.O ever watchful Shepherd, lead, guide, tend me this day; without Thy restraining rod I err and stray. Hedge up my path lest I wander into unwholesome pleasure, and drink its poisonous streams; direct my feet that I be not entangled in Satan's secret snares, nor fall into his hidden traps. Defend me from assailing foes, from evil circumstances, from myself. My adversaries are part and parcel of my nature; they cling to me as my very skin; I cannot escape their contact. In my rising up and sitting down they barnacle me; they entice with constant baits; my enemy is within the citadel. Come with almighty power and cast him out, pierce him to death, and abolish in me every particle of carnal life this day.

Help-Mate

2007-02-14T11:10:00.000-06:00

Dear Father,

Thank You for giving me such a help-mate. She is more than a help-mate because that sounds so business-like. She does more than help me do but she helps me be. Maybe this is what You had in mind. Thank You for giving me such a Help-Mate. She so touches that part of me that is out of reach to everyone else including myself. I would continue on in ignorance thinking there is no need for growth but she exposes – our relationship exposes – my need to continue to grow in intimacy. Even our relationship doesn’t really expose this like mine and Holly’s. Intimacy is not stagnant. It is not a place you arrive at or an achievement to be attained. She has taught me this. I do so poorly at being intimate. I allow the pressure of the unknown to force me back into the comfortable known and thus miss the riches afforded those who venture out in spite of their fear.

I guess intimacy is more than doing but it is being. It is not so much as a work but a way. How would I have ever known this if You had not given me Holly. As I look at the vastness of the expanse before me my heart is tempted to faint; to give up. But I know that this is what intimacy is. It is enjoying the vastness – exploring the regions beyond – hill and dale, wood and stream, highest mountain and lowest valley. It is enjoying this vastness with Holly. I’m tempted to give up – on intimacy that is – to retreat into business as usual – to retreat into the comfortable ease of being responsible and fulfilling my duty as a husband and father. This is risk free and safe. But to do this is to forfeit the cry of my soul. It is to die. So I will press on and we will press on to explore this mysterious and scary and amazingly wondrous land. And somewhere in the depths of this land we will discover that we were exploring Eden all along. I don’t want to hide in the security of the masses for it appears not many go there. I want to press on. I will not be afraid. I will lean into the cold wind of my fears and press on to see a brighter day – the freedom of heart and satisfaction of soul that only this vast wilderness of intimacy with Holly can provide. And only after all this will I find true intimacy with You.

It is amazing how (I find it bafflingly true.) the level of intimacy I have with Holly is directly and absolutely proportional to the level of intimacy I have with You and visa versa. It’s hard for me to capture in words this mishmash of raw thoughts and emotion. I feel that I’m seriously lacking in intimacy with both of you. I feel there is something missing. That I’m lacking like when in school I was just starting to grasp a math equation but not quite. I could feel something beyond but I couldn’t see it. I am a blind man groping about and stumbling in the darkness when it comes to truly loving You and Holly. Like every other part of my life I’m trying to arrive to where there is no destination and thus missing the journey along the way. I don’t think there are any right answers per se but to continue striving to find the answers. It is the exercise of love – of intimacy that is the goal. I believe I already know what to do; it’s just letting go and doing it. Help me to do it. Help me to be intimate. Amen.

Surety

2007-02-12T13:02:00.000-06:00

Be surety for Your servant for good;
Do not let the arrogant oppress me.
Psalm 119:122

Like Judah pledging surety for Benjamin (Gen. 43:9) so God pledges surety for us through Jesus Christ. In fact, He demonstrated surety for us through Jesus Christ on the cross but especially in Gethsemane. It was there that the decision was finalized. It was there that Jesus felt the emotional toll of the price he would pay in a few short hours. If Father would pay such a price for us then, would that not prove out in every circumstance now? We belong to Him and He is responsible for us. Just because we cannot see Him does not mean that He cannot see us. And if He sees then He hears our cries. And if He hears our cries, will He not be moved? He has His purposes. We can trust that they are good regardless of our experiences. Jesus has become our surety for good. We can do nothing but depend upon His word.

Establish my footsteps in Your word,
And do not let any iniquity have dominion over me.
Psalm 119:133

Removing the Dross

2007-02-12T12:46:00.000-06:00

You have removed the wicked of the earth like dross;
Therefore I love Your testimonies.
Psalm 119:119

Dross is the scum formed on the surface of molten metal. Key term is “molten metal.” The dross doesn’t come out until the heat is applied. It is a certainty of life that we all experience heat. Not just uncomfortably warm but molten heat burns the flesh away. Our flesh is the fat that drips over the flames of an altar. We want the wicked to be removed but we don’t want to experience the heat so that it can happen. The heat removes the wickedness in us. If we refuse to allow this process to happen, we will be the dross that is removed. What profit is ours if we gain the world but lose our soul? What benefit do we derive from wasting our sorrows?

There are some like Pharaoh who refuse to bend and lose it all. There are some like Moses who must spend forty years tending sheep in the wilderness of Midian to gain his soul. There are some like the Children of Israel who see His works but never learn His ways so they perish in the desert. There are some who are rebellious and wicked of heart and will never understand the purpose of the heat and will thus burn away.

Where does this heat come from? Where does the answer lie? I think the key is in His testimonies.

Grieving Well

2007-02-12T12:19:00.000-06:00

One day my sons will be walking down the street and something will remind them of me. They will have that sudden melancholy that overtakes those who have loved and lost to never regain again. They will have regrets mingled with joy, a precious treasure that none can take away.

I want my sons to grieve well. They won’t know how to do it until the time comes and will stumble at it. Father will come along side and teach how to rely on His grace that will carry them through that experience and replace me with Him.

It is a very common prayer of mine that asks to survive my kids’ developmental years. I consider grief and trauma specialties and have worked with a lot of kids experiencing loss. You never do it well. Our minds are programmed to believe that our parents will be there forever in spite of our rational understanding and knowledge that they won’t. I have come to believe that it is only by God’s grace that we can endure such reprogramming that reality hands us.

I often go to the cemetery alone to stand over Dad’s grave, somehow trying to feel his presence that I haven’t experienced in the 3 ½ years since he’s died. There is a solace there standing in the presence of his grave. I like to do this alone but often, Mom, when finding out where I’m going wants to come along. It’s not the same. I drive slowly through the small town of my upbringing. (For those of you who know me this speaks volumes.) The streets are familiar with me. They knew me from of old when I traveled them on my bicycle. The buildings are dilapidated. Many of them do not seem to have changed from those many years ago. What am I looking for? I think I’m drinking in the nostalgia that included my dad. I’m searching for his presence. This too is a part of the grieving process. I am learning to let go and be reprogrammed.

2007-02-09T23:34:00.001-06:00

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman		90%
The Flash		70%
Supergirl		60%
Wonder Woman		60%
Robin		60%
Green Lantern		60%
Spider-Man		55%
Iron Man		50%
Hulk		45%
Catwoman		35%
Batman		25%

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

The Faithfulness of God

2007-02-09T11:53:00.000-06:00

Your hand made me and fashioned me;
Give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments.
I know, O Lord, that Your judgments are righteous,
And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
O may Your lovingkindness comfort me,
According to Your word to Your servant.
May Your compassion come to me that I may live,
For Your law is my delight.
Psalm 119:73, 75-77

His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.
Psalm 91:4

Not long ago I was feeling external pressure from conflict at work. I know, that’s my business but this pressure was from someone I supervise. Pressure is my co-therapist when I’m working with clients. But I like things to flow with people I work with. And for all the conflict I deal with, I really don’t like it in my personal life. This was the first time that I can recall having an enemy without cause simply because of the position of authority I was in. I like to get along. I’m easy to get along with…as long as you are walking in integrity.

So I had to address this personal attack. It was a very humbling experience not because I felt threatened but because for the first time I looked into an arrogant, intentional rebellion that was evil – evil in the since of total unwillingness to humble himself. (I don’t consider this person “evil” but deceived and building a total paradigm on that deception.) I struggle to articulate this because it is still a very raw experience. It caused me to see myself and be broken before an awesome and holy God. I had done nothing wrong. I was confronting wrong in others. But it shook me to see how a person could get so far off as to call evil good and good evil. And “but for the grace of God go I.”

The passage that came to mind is Ps. 91:4. Father’s faithfulness is my protection regardless of what I face. It is something completely outside of myself. I cannot conjure it up or speak some incantation to summon it. It is totally His doing and it is marvelous in our sight.

Currently I am experiencing an internal pressure. Father is equally involved with internal pressures. My experience with Father is that He is not wasteful. He uses every smidgen of time, energy, and resources to complete the circumstance for His glory. His word does not return to Him void. What is working in those around me is equally working in me to burn away the flesh. Some are vessels of wrath prepared for destruction and some are vessels of mercy prepared for glory. Pharaoh was raised up to demonstrate the power and Name of God. So was Moses. Each felt the affliction of God equally. Each had a choice to make. Each made their choice. Each ate of the fruit of their choice.

We all have choices. I’m looking from this side of the mosaic and not addressing the sovereignty of God in our choices. This is not a theological debate. The point is that affliction is a raw commodity that we all have. We all go to the mines of personal experience and work. Some work out of drudge and regret wasting their sorrows, while others recognize the precious ore they are mining. David was able to say, “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes.” I doubt he said this while mining the ore. On second thought, being familiar with his writings and his heart, he probably did say it while in the depths of the mine. These comments were made in context of feeling the pressure of a personal attack and external circumstances. Yet in Ps. 119:75 he identifies the faithfulness of God in his affliction. He is faithful to inflict affliction. But for what purpose? Maybe it’s because we are the ore.

Remembering

2007-02-07T11:06:00.000-06:00

The previous two posts were borne out of my opportunity to face the circumstance in faith. While reading Psalm 119 and contemplating my youngest son's upcoming surgery, the words of vv. 49-50 came leaping from the page.

Remember the word to Your servant,
In which You have made me hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction,
That Your word has revived me.

I remembered when shortly after hearing that our youngest son had spina bifida Father impressed on me John 9. We were in shock. The next day while reading Scripture I came across John 9:3

It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

That word took me and is still taking me a long way. It gives purpose to a difficult situation. I feel a sense from Holy Spirit that this entire situation is and will be a demonstration of the covenant. Early in the pregnancy we came to the name "Canaan" because we felt he would be a demonstration of the covenant. When we found out, our thoughts were, "How can this be?" "How can this situation demonstrate the covenant?" It hasn't been clean nor easy. There is no name-it-and-claim-it here. There is a listening and walking out of our relationship with Jesus that demonstrate the benefits of the covenant. More than benefits. Benefits are the by-product of a life lived with Jesus. We all have our challenges. Some of Canaan's and our own are easy to identify.

So the melodramatic, raw emotions expressed in the previous two posts are not necessarily accurate in detail but accurately displays my emotional quandary. Emotions, however, do not reign supreme. They are a momentary snap-shot in the greater production. I will damn the emotions but cling to the truth. God has His purposes.

It could be considered ironic that my previous post before finding out about Canaan's need for surgery was on faith. I consider it providence.

The Conclusion

2007-02-07T09:27:00.000-06:00

Scene 2

The clamoring crowd pressed against the man formerly known as the blind beggar. They wanted to hear his story. They wanted to see this anomaly. Jerusalem was in an uproar. Word spread quickly and eventually even the ruling class was made aware of this strange thing. Some scoffed in disbelief while others thoughtfully considered these happenings. The time was at hand for the Messiah to appear which caused excited anticipation.

A few days had passed and they brought the man to the Pharisees who thoroughly questioned him. The Pharisees are skeptical for reasons other than fear. Their skepticism is based on pride. They are the most learned and disciplined in the land and all things spiritual pass through them for their analysis and approval.

They questioned the man and not being satisfied they questioned his parents. His parents had one more opportunity to exercise faith. They feel the pressure once more and question deep within themselves, “Will they deny the son?” And they did. We are not told of other opportunities they had to regain their faith and hope. Hopefully they were able to regain their sight and rise above their insecurities and fear. The tension and pressure in the room was a thick and heavy tension that one feels when he is not among friends. The Pharisees asked for the man’s analysis and then ridiculed him for they did not like what they heard. He was no stranger to ridicule. They degraded him and his parents; and through the hardness of their heart and the blindness of their eyes they cast him out of the synagogue. A man who was familiar with rejection was rejected once more. This time, however, the sting of rejection was as absent as his blindness.

Scene 3

The man formerly known as blind went his way with joy in his heart as if he were dreaming. It all seemed surreal. He took a stand for Jesus and suffered the consequences. This stand equally spread throughout the community and it reached the ears of Jesus. Jesus searched for the man and finding him He said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” Humbly the man replied, "Who is He, Lord, that I may believe in Him?” As awareness rose within his spirit that he was standing and listing and seeing the Son of God, the Messiah, he worshipped. He had given Jesus his life as he stood before the Pharisees, now he gave Him his heart. And once more the former blind beggar became an occasion for others to see. The Pharisees that followed Jesus were as remote anthropologists in the deep jungles of the Amazon following a lost tribe watching but could not see.

Commentary

I am the parent of the one born blind. I have opportunity to exercise or deny faith. Residing within my decision is my son’s faith or lack thereof. What will I do? Cower in fear and condemn my son to the same hardship, training him that the Word of God cannot be relied upon? That God Himself cannot be trusted? Will I have the arrogance of the Pharisees that pretends to have all the answers and thus condemn him to the Law without Grace and the power thereof? The only answer with acceptable results is to have faith – believe in the Word of God and allow that belief to permeate into my thoughts, emotions, and experiences. There will come a day when my son will be of age and have to answer for himself. He will have to have a faith of his own. But what model will I give him until then?

It truly is a fearful thing to be in the hands of the living God. And we are all in His hands. We are all blind, subhuman beggars discarded, avoided, despised until Jesus passes by and notices us. He notices us. We are not a statistic or a theological debate for Him, but people – people of value. His touch makes all the difference and we display the works of God. His works are not generally clean and pretty. His works often produce controversy and conflict. But He is always glorified. And it is always exactly what we need.

The Works of God

2007-02-06T10:33:00.001-06:00

There are ramifications to experience the works of God. This was not a solitary action. This began over thirty years prior when his parents experienced joy with the news of an oncoming child. What hope they experienced. What excited anticipation and dreams they must have enjoyed. And then, when the news, “It’s a male child” came. How they must have praised God for blessing them as such and possibly the first born, an extra blessing from the hand of God. The pride that this father felt welling up within was almost too much to bear. The men in his circle could hear the sense of satisfaction in the tone of his voice as he told them he had a son.

It wasn’t long as the babe grew the parents began to notice something wasn’t right. The mother noticed first and worriedly told her husband. He shrugged it off saying that all would be well. After all, this child is a blessing from the Lord. But time is not dishonest and the inevitable would have to be accepted. The grief these young parents experienced is beyond words. Their shattered dreams were all about them as shards of broken glass that tormented their every step. Others looked at them differently. Most didn’t speak directly to them but they overheard some in the market place as they began their theological discussion of who sinned. And they knew it was because they were there which prompted such thoughts and old debates. What did they tell themselves? Surely they blamed themselves and secretly each other. What was the final conclusion in their mind? Whatever it was it must have included that they had failed.

They learned to look at life differently, through the eyes of fear and skepticism. Years of training their thoughts to reason by fear took its toll. They gave that to their son. So now some thirty years later he barely raises his voice in hopes some passer by might have pity on him. He never suspected he was being watched by anyone.

For over 30 years he knew nothing but darkness. He had no concept of light or beauty. His staff was his eyes and at times he would craw and grope until he found his place. He had no hope save that extended by a compassionate hand. He was totally dependant on others for life – without them he would die. Fear was a constant companion, his closest friend. It was a dear family friend. His parents introduced him to fear for they knew him all their lives. His hopeless existence was shrouded in loneliness and aloneness. Not many will stop and converse with a beggar; and a blind one, steeped in sin, none would. This man was subhuman – malnourished, poor, alone, ridiculed. Not even dogs would stop and lick his wounded hands and knees. There was no hope for this man . . . until He passed by and noticed.

They were walking along the busy, crowed Jerusalem streets. The disciples tried to catch Jesus’ every word. They noticed Him stop at the gate. What was he looking at so intently? Ah, a blind man. But why was He looking at him? They ask, “Who sinned,” seeking answers to an age old theological debate? They looked and saw a theological equation. Jesus looked and filled with compassion saw a man. Others would see an animal but Jesus saw the value in this human.

Jesus wasn’t much into debating questions that mattered little in the scheme of life. He only looked to see the truth in a man’s pitiful situation. He must have sensed the Spirit’s prompting to notice. As Moses heard God say centuries before that the cries of His people has come before Him. Now Jesus hears the secret, silent cries of one born under the covenant and answers.

What radical change was in store for this man. A subhuman stood before Him as He made clay and gently applied it to the man’s eyes. The man was sent stumbling, groping along searching for the pool of Siloam. So what did he see? As he washed the mud out of his eyes, what did he see? Did he see his ruddy reflection in the pool? Did he pause, taken back by first sight and first light? Did he squint and close his eyes, retracting into familiar darkness? Did mud stained tears run down his cheeks? He went away blind and came back seeing. Others had difficulty recognizing him. He looked different – a transformation of body and spirit. He came back a new person.

Living By Faith

2007-02-02T10:36:00.000-06:00

I care not today what the morrow may bring,
If shadow or sunshine or rain,
The Lord I know ruleth o’er everything,
And all of my worries are vain.

Refrain:
Living by faith in Jesus above,
Trusting, confiding in His great love;
From all harm safe in His sheltering arm,
I’m living by faith and feel no alarm.

Though tempests may blow and the storm clouds arise,
Obscuring the brightness of life,
I’m never alarmed at the overcast skies—
The Master looks on at the strife.

I know that He safely will carry me through,
No matter what evils betide;
Why should I then care though the tempest may blow,
If Jesus walks close to my side.

James Wells 1918

This was the hymn I was looking for. A quick research gives me little of the hymnist so I don’t have much info on him.

I woke up this morning with a terrible dream on my mind. I usually don’t remember my dreams. This one was me and my family being kidnapped by people who separated us and brainwashed us so we couldn’t remember our former lives. The details are not important. As always there were some really strange details. I’m more interested in my feeling of utter helplessness, powerlessness and devastation that I had no control over the events. What is going on in my life that I would feel this way? What vomit is my subconscious trying to puke up? Or is it the peanut butter I had at 8:30 last night? (I know, I know, it goes straight to fat. Stop nagging.) So this hymn came to mind during my morning quiet time. No matter what ever happens to me, it is Jesus who covers me.

LIVE OUT THY LIFE WITHIN ME

2007-02-02T10:02:00.000-06:00

Live out Thy life within me, O Jesus, King of kings!
Be Thou Thyself the answer to all my questionings;
Live out Thy life within me, in all things have Thy way!
I, the transparent medium, Thy glory to display.

The temple has been yielded, and purified of sin,
Let Thy Shekinah glory now shine forth from with within,
And all the earth keep silence, the body henceforth be
Thy silent, gentle servant, moved only as by Thee.

Its members every moment held subject to Thy call,
Ready to have Thee use them, or not be used at all,
Held without restless longing, or strain, or stress, or fret,
Or chafings at Thy dealings, or thoughts of vain regret.

But restful, calm and pliant, from bend and bias free,
Awaiting Thy decision, when Thou hast need of me.
Live out Thy life within me, O Jesus, King of kings!
Be Thou the glorious answer to all my questionings.

Frances R. Havergal (1836-1879).

Daughter of hymnist William Havergal, Frances was a bright but short lived candle in English hymnody. She was baptized by hymnist John Cawood. She was reading by age four, and began writing verse at age seven. She learned Latin, Greek and Hebrew, and memorized the Psalms, the book of Isaiah, and most of the New Testament.
Born: December 14, 1836, Astley, Worcestershire, England.
Died: June 3, 1879, Caswall Bay, near Swansea, Wales.
Buried: Astley, Worcestershire, England, the city of her birth. On her tombstone was the Scripture verse she claimed as her own:
The blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth us from all sin.1 John 1:7

I was looking for another hymn when I found this one and information on the author. Quite fascinating, wouldn’t you agree?

Psalm 117

2007-02-01T11:03:00.000-06:00

Praise the Lord, all nations;
Laud Him, all peoples!

For His lovingkindness prevails over us,
And the faithfulness of the Lord is everlasting.

Praise the Lord!

Romans 2:4

Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?

I Timothy 1:5

But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure hear and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

Why is it that Father has to pursue us with His love? “Stop loving me! I don’t want You to give me something my soul longs for with all its being!” It would be like saying, “Thanks anyway, but I don’t really want that billion dollars your trying to give me.” I’m reminded of Aunt Ruth trying to give me another piece of pie after I’m stuffed and can’t move, pleading with me to have one more bite. In her mind she was giving me her love. Why do we run from such a loving Father? Still we run and He pursues.

That’s what David was saying. How is it that love has to prevail against/over anyone? Isn’t that what everyone really wants? Oh, there I go again hiding in obscurity. Isn’t that what I really want? And, if so, why is it that I fight against the love of God. But alas, it is that great demon fear within me. (We all have our demons to slay, you know.) In a previous post, I commented on 1 John 4:18, “perfect love casts out fear.” A closer look assists in our understanding of Ps. 117. The word “cast”:

bal'-lo – A primary verb; to throw (in various applications, more or less violent or intense).

I believe Father’s love toward me is active, violent, intense. He overwhelms me with his love. Rom. 2:4: “the kindness of God leads you to repentance.”

Father is a fearless lover and He models that for us. I need to let Him love me.

2007-01-31T11:32:00.000-06:00

The cross was a pulpit in which Christ preached his love for the world. Augustine

Forgotten No More

2007-01-31T11:04:00.001-06:00

I don’t watch much TV. I have replaced TV time with internet time. I like reading but the internet does not always bode well with my OCD. There are a few programs that I watch frequently but my favorite is Forgotten Prophets. The star is Jack H and he writes his daily adventures with obvious ease and skill. I covet his ability and mastery of English and sentence structure. He can say something very common in a way that hooks your mind around it and you are there.

This exercise of mine is just that an exercise. I almost flunked Freshman English in college. It’s more than sentence structure here. My exercise and purpose has been to not let seed thoughts go unplanted. My thoughts for the most part are very surface and this requires me to explore my thoughts and develop them with hopes that they will grow and become more thorough. Another motivation is that someday when I am gone I hope my children and grandchildren will read and know my heart. I suppose a deep, secret motivation is that you, dear reader, would want to read and know me, to pursue me. My writing is in code – a surface meaning with a deeper meaning underneath but you have to dig and think. If someone understood then it would somehow give me value. I’m important enough that someone gave a second look. Someone wants to know my heart. This is in reality my craving for God and need for Him to pursue me. I want to be wanted. “I want you to want me” and all that.

Anyway, this Jack H guy. I really like him. I like his heart. He has gone through some great trials and his heart has known bitterness but even in his ranting and self-pity there is an undeniable light of hope. I don’t know that he sees this for the darkness is so great right now. All his writings display this. It’s like watching a movie when you catch on as to how it will most likely end. I’ve seen it from near the beginning.

I’m not sure as to why I have been compelled to watch. I’ve read some good stuff on the web but none like him. The writing is way past superb but that isn’t it. The humor completely connects with mine but I can go many places and find sarcasm. And I don’t need to people gather those with the same political bent to feel validated. So what is it? Why do I like this program so much? It has to be his heart. For some reason I think I get it. Maybe it’s projection on my part. This guy presents himself in such a way that many could identify with him and connect. I would think this would be necessary of an author. Maybe it’s me. I feel I’m looking into a mirror when I read his pages. What a gifted writer to make me feel this way. That he could display himself in such a way that I could see my heart in spite of the differences on the surface. Thanks Jack for such a gift.