Playgrounds

Some times I feel as a deaf mute being able to take in the world but unable to adequately communicate my thoughts and feelings. The analogy breaks down as I can hear clearly what is going on around me. It’s just hard to put into words what is bothering me. To speak would only jumble things up and make matters worse. So I silently carry on with tidbits of understanding crumbling away from this mass of confusion. Relationships are so difficult. Why can’t everything be as easy and complete as mowing my yard? I can see and articulate what needs to be done, do it, and then reap the satisfaction of a job well done. I wish for the blessing of Jack H but not his curse. I could fluently and skillfully articulate my feelings and the nuances of how and why. I could see something wrong and be able to instantly verbalize the detail of its wrongness. Then since I wouldn’t have his curse I could confront it and address those involved in such a skillful fashion that they would be awakened to change – to repent from their error. And the world would once again be right and well and good.

So, here I am, struggling to make sense of a senseless situation. I’m struggling to put it together in my mind while keeping my integrity in tact. I harbor no bitterness or resentment although the situation makes me angry and frustrated and hurt. I want to take my toys and go play somewhere else. But don’t all the playgrounds have their difficulties? Am I not placed in this playground to face difficulties such as these, to make my playground a better place? It reminds me of dealing with a really hard case that I can’t get my mind around. It takes a great amount of energy and time like traversing a difficult path on a journey before finally arriving at my destination. What I do know is that Father is faithful to get me there. He will show me the path of life. However, it’s rarely easy and it will require me to grow.