Comment to Mike (previous post)
Mike,
As always your "faithful wounds" help keep my focus. I have a tendency to intellectualize as a defense mechanism - I'm sure to protect me from exposing my weakness. My perfectionistic tendency cringes at exposure. This is the way "I bury my head in the sand." I act as if everything is ok but internally all the while worrying that my image will be tarnished - that is to appear weak. The context of my post was my 4 year old son's surgery (last Thursday) where there is a lot of uncertainty and possibility for things to go wrong. If I dwell on the negative things that could go wrong, I am robbed of peace. If I don't think about it at all or superficially say everything will be all right, or have a Que sera sera (Spanish for whatever will be will be) attitude, I am still no better off - I have no peace. When I have had active faith, I haven't ignored my worries but addressed them with Father. My experience is that I have peace to the degree I honestly and continually give my worries to Him. What is weird, sometimes I have peace and wonder why. I haven't jumped through the hoops but He is still faithful. It was like when Canaan was in the hospital after birth. We had an incrediable inexplainable, sustaining peace. So much so, they sent a social worker to talk to us. I wonder sometimes if I have grown so accustomed to His peace that I fail to recognize it and wonder what is wrong with me. After all, anybody in their right mind would be a nervous wreck about a four year old's back surgery.
Sometimes I am passive because I don't want to hear the Lord. If I hear Him then that makes me responsible. Currently, me and Holly are talking about having another child (well, she is talking about it). I have no specific word from the Lord, nor am I actively seeking it. It's not a matter of hearing so much as a matter of not listening. The bottom line is that Father is working on my handicap of having another child with a disability (back to the perfection issue). Now I've experienced complete grace for my son's spinabifida to the point others see and send a social worker. However, there is fear (opposite of faith) about having another child. There is the internal questioning of "do I have what it takes". My emotional programing feels weakness despite the truth. Father is dealing with me at core programing levels that require active faith - me seeking the word with a responsive attitude. Peace.
By the way, Canaan's surgery went very well and the doctors expect complete recovery of lost mobility. We are now safe and sound at home.
As always your "faithful wounds" help keep my focus. I have a tendency to intellectualize as a defense mechanism - I'm sure to protect me from exposing my weakness. My perfectionistic tendency cringes at exposure. This is the way "I bury my head in the sand." I act as if everything is ok but internally all the while worrying that my image will be tarnished - that is to appear weak. The context of my post was my 4 year old son's surgery (last Thursday) where there is a lot of uncertainty and possibility for things to go wrong. If I dwell on the negative things that could go wrong, I am robbed of peace. If I don't think about it at all or superficially say everything will be all right, or have a Que sera sera (Spanish for whatever will be will be) attitude, I am still no better off - I have no peace. When I have had active faith, I haven't ignored my worries but addressed them with Father. My experience is that I have peace to the degree I honestly and continually give my worries to Him. What is weird, sometimes I have peace and wonder why. I haven't jumped through the hoops but He is still faithful. It was like when Canaan was in the hospital after birth. We had an incrediable inexplainable, sustaining peace. So much so, they sent a social worker to talk to us. I wonder sometimes if I have grown so accustomed to His peace that I fail to recognize it and wonder what is wrong with me. After all, anybody in their right mind would be a nervous wreck about a four year old's back surgery.
Sometimes I am passive because I don't want to hear the Lord. If I hear Him then that makes me responsible. Currently, me and Holly are talking about having another child (well, she is talking about it). I have no specific word from the Lord, nor am I actively seeking it. It's not a matter of hearing so much as a matter of not listening. The bottom line is that Father is working on my handicap of having another child with a disability (back to the perfection issue). Now I've experienced complete grace for my son's spinabifida to the point others see and send a social worker. However, there is fear (opposite of faith) about having another child. There is the internal questioning of "do I have what it takes". My emotional programing feels weakness despite the truth. Father is dealing with me at core programing levels that require active faith - me seeking the word with a responsive attitude. Peace.
By the way, Canaan's surgery went very well and the doctors expect complete recovery of lost mobility. We are now safe and sound at home.
posted by brent at 9:22 PM
3 Comments:
I really needed this line -"Sometimes I am passive because I don't want to hear the Lord. If I hear Him then that makes me responsible." That hits som nay of us (read ME) right between the eyes. If yo udon't mind, I will borrow that line for an upcoming lesson.
On a different thought... If I may share on your blog site... I have been pondering lately... "what is it that occurs that leads me to feel seasons of dryness, if not drawing away from our Father?" for me, personally, I spend more time in confessional prayer. I need to tighten the moorings so to speak by examaning my heart. Am I ignoring / living in unconfessed sin? Have I developed and attitude (usually pride) that does not please my God?
If I sit quietly, my Lord always opens my heart to ....whatever I need.
mike c
For several days following my comment regarding your "Active Faith v. Passive Acceptance" posting, I agonized (to myself and to God)about the comment. What was I thinking to say those things? After all, one of your young sons was going under the knife. Wouldn't you need encouragement more than critique? Was my motivation pure while saying such things? Wasn't it a bit harsh?
Every time I was troubled by those thoughts, I was taken back to your article and to my comment. Each time I read them, I knew (believed by faith) that the Lord was speaking through me to you about the content of your blog.
We hear from time to time that faith and fear are incompatible as if somehow faith is diminished and rendered ineffective by any hint of fear or doubt. I'm sorry, but that is bogus (however well intentioned) teaching. It would be true if faith were only how one thinks or feels about something and the inward peace or unrest such thinking produces.
True faith is action. What one actually does in a situation regardless of what thoughts (or endless navel gazing) accompany the action. There simply is no substance or evidence of faith apart from behavior.
In more situations in my life than there is room here to describe, it was faith (the very actions or behavior actually being produced)triumphing in the presence of doubt and fearing, rather than this sterile "ain't I a great believer" kind of robust faith that is often alluded to as the high mark of achievement.
Peace within as a goal can become overrated, especially to those who have suffered greatly with chronic unrest. Real growth and Christ-like character building comes from action whether or not there is any inward peace reward given or not.
That is what James is trying to say (however poorly, given his own level of growth at the time) in his epistle.
God is not some kind of Seinfeld "Soup Nazi" character (as James would have us think) saying, "Oops, I see a speck of doubt there, no soup for you!"
Good grief, Michael! Does your critique know no limit? Knocking the Lord's own brother who got his name in the Bible? Cut us all some slack and go back to bed.
Mike,
I really didn't take what you said as harsh. I recieved it as from the Lord and felt no pressure or self-conciousness from it. It did make me think (and still does) with how I view experiences and impressions from the Lord. It is easy to present a sterile gospel without life. I can give you a lesson learned in completed, neatly packaged version. I need to be able to present myself in such a way as to appropriately share the detail of the sweat and stinkiness along the way. I appreciate your honesty and genuine confrontation. This is what this blog is about. I am being perfected (which implies imperfection along the way) and without honest dialog how can I ever get there. Thanks.
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