Prodigal Grace
My wife brought a tape home of one of the seminars she attended last month. Mark Hamby gives an illustration to demonstrate how we can value our kids. The story is so good at demonstrating valuing verses devaluing that I have listened to it five times. I have typed out the story for your benefit. May we all get this! May we demonstrate valuing with everyone we interact.
Hamby's illustration:
When you devalue something or someone, what you do is you aren’t willing to pay the price and they are unwilling to be motivated to become even greater people of worth. And that is what happens to our children. We devalue them and they lack the motivation become men and women of worth.
There was a mom who wrote this, she said:
Recently the Lord gave me a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate the power and awesomeness to demonstrate grace with one of my sons. I would rather have you understand this in the sense that I had the wonderful opportunity to value him like I had never had before. This son phoned me at the bookstore one day and said, “Guess what Mom, I found $20 in the pocket of one of my shorts.” I immediately discerned that what he was telling me was probably not true. I congratulated him on finding the lost money, and we speculated that it was probably some forgotten birthday money. End of phone call. When I hung up the phone with him I tried to remind myself to check a drawer to see if the $20 was still there. It is a drawer that the older boys know about that Jim and I stash extra money for emergencies. That night I forgot to check but a few days later I remembered and saw that it was missing. Jim had not taken any money from the drawer and money had never been missing before. I knew I had to talk to my son. My son was from my blood for sure but he didn’t have the desperate driving need for money that I thought I had as a child or did he?
I remember the guilt and shame and the loss of trust with my parents as I stole time and again and was caught and disciplined for it. I remembered how it felt, how I lost their trust so I didn’t care after a while. Oh no, I don’t want my son feeling that way or taking that path. I brought him in a quiet room away from his brothers and we sat down together. I told him I wanted to tell him a story. I proceeded to tell him about when I was a little girl and had taken a $10 bill from my mother’s wallet. My mother found the money missing very shortly afterwards and was distraught. It was the only money we had to buy groceries that week. I felt so terrible. I really wanted to return the money but how? I decided to make up a story to cover my sin. I went outside where the sprinkler was watering the lawn, and I pretended the money was under the sprinkler. I went in the house triumphant that I had found the lost money. Eager to hand it over to my distraught mother and make things right again. Much to my dismay I was met with an angry parent who vowed that I was lying, that I stole the money, and I could never be trusted. I sank deeper in my sin believing I might as well be as what she claimed as I was. [That’s called devaluing.]
It didn’t matter anymore I wanted this encounter with my son to be very, very different. So I told him this story while I held him in my arms, rubbing his back. Then I let him know that I was missing $20 and if it was possible the money he had found in his pocket might be mine. Immediately he said, “No Mom, I found that in my pocket!” I was so pleased that God was in control. It was at this point that I got an awesome opportunity to heal a great wrong in my life, simply by treating my son, in his sin, the way I had only dreamed of being treated. I said to him, “I believe you.” I hugged him and sent him on his way.
Later that night I mentioned to him that we needed to put the $20 up on his chart. We keep a running account of our younger children’s money on the refrigerator; then we keep the cash for them so they don’t lose it. They do this by choice and he had already given me the $20 the day he had called me and said he had found it in his pocket. They usually keep smaller amounts in their wallets but the bigger amounts they give back to us and write it on their account. I had joyfully written the $20 entry on his account. [Can you imagine doing this, “I joyfully written.”] I felt such peace, such joy, conviction of sin was up to the Holy Spirit, alone. [Wow, isn’t that amazing that she had this insight, giving God His job back?]
I had done the only job required of me, his mom. I had lavished prodigal grace on my son. I call it prodigal grace because prodigal means reckless, lavish, wasteful. [That’s an amazing definition of prodigal, isn’t it? Reckless, Lavish, Wasteful] The father in the parable of the prodigal son was actually the one who was reckless; he was lavish; he was wasteful. He wasted the fatted calf on his son. He lavished the underserved gift of a robe and a ring. He recklessly ran down the road to meet him – his elderly father. He poured out unconditional love, yes, that is what I lacked as a child. That is what I wanted my son yet in his unrepentant sin to experience.
A few hours later I was preparing to read aloud a book to the boys. My heartbroken son came into the room and burst into tears at my side. [It is amazing when our children understand how much we value them even in their unrepentant state. It is amazing of what that does in their heart rather than our forceful “you must do this.” It’s amazing what a child will do when a mom or dad will come along side and help them to pick up their toys. Rather than say, “You go back and do what I told you to do.”]
I hugged him. I asked him if he would like to tell me something. “Yes,” he stammered, “I…I did take the money out of your drawer, Mom.” What joy in my heart to see the Holy Spirit bring about the work of repentance totally unhindered by me. [I love that statement, “Totally unhindered by me.”] Oh my dear son, I love you, I am so proud of you for telling the truth. That took so much courage. I believed you when you told me that you didn’t take the money because I really trust you. I’m so glad I can trust you to tell me the truth. [She didn’t say, I trusted you and you betrayed my trust. She did say, I believed you, now I’m glad you told me the truth and I’ll believe you even more.] I know that was a hard thing to do. I do want you to know something; all that I have is yours. [That’s beautiful. That’s what God told us before He left this earth: all that is mine is yours, I’ll never leave you or forsake you.] If you ever feel like you need money, you come and tell me. I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to steal. I want you to keep that money, I don’t want it back. I’m just so glad that you let the Holy Spirit work in your heart. Yes, I wanted him to keep the money [this is what you call lavish, wasteful, reckless. This is what you call grace.] and no one else in our household knows what happened. I covered over his sin for a very good purpose so that he will never forget what that kind of love feels like. I don’t believe I’ll ever deal with this issue with him again. For that very reason it was worth to be a prodigal mom. God’s love is so radical toward us, so incredibly unbelievable. We were ungodly, yet, we were sinners, we were enemies. “One will hardly die for a righteous man but though perhaps for a good man someone will even dare to die but God demonstrates His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
That was an amazing story! How many times have I been the recipient as well as the perpetrator of devaluing? The immediate question is won’t people take advantage of you if you operate like this? God operates this way. How does He manage? I guess we will manage the same way. Some will devalue us for being a sucker. Even in the face of being devalued, Father operates out of His character for His sake. Romans 2:4 says that the kindness of God leads us to repentance. And Psalm 117:2, Father’s lovingkindness prevails over us, and His faithfulness is everlasting. His ways win out in the end. May we learn His ways.
Hamby's illustration:
When you devalue something or someone, what you do is you aren’t willing to pay the price and they are unwilling to be motivated to become even greater people of worth. And that is what happens to our children. We devalue them and they lack the motivation become men and women of worth.
There was a mom who wrote this, she said:
Recently the Lord gave me a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate the power and awesomeness to demonstrate grace with one of my sons. I would rather have you understand this in the sense that I had the wonderful opportunity to value him like I had never had before. This son phoned me at the bookstore one day and said, “Guess what Mom, I found $20 in the pocket of one of my shorts.” I immediately discerned that what he was telling me was probably not true. I congratulated him on finding the lost money, and we speculated that it was probably some forgotten birthday money. End of phone call. When I hung up the phone with him I tried to remind myself to check a drawer to see if the $20 was still there. It is a drawer that the older boys know about that Jim and I stash extra money for emergencies. That night I forgot to check but a few days later I remembered and saw that it was missing. Jim had not taken any money from the drawer and money had never been missing before. I knew I had to talk to my son. My son was from my blood for sure but he didn’t have the desperate driving need for money that I thought I had as a child or did he?
I remember the guilt and shame and the loss of trust with my parents as I stole time and again and was caught and disciplined for it. I remembered how it felt, how I lost their trust so I didn’t care after a while. Oh no, I don’t want my son feeling that way or taking that path. I brought him in a quiet room away from his brothers and we sat down together. I told him I wanted to tell him a story. I proceeded to tell him about when I was a little girl and had taken a $10 bill from my mother’s wallet. My mother found the money missing very shortly afterwards and was distraught. It was the only money we had to buy groceries that week. I felt so terrible. I really wanted to return the money but how? I decided to make up a story to cover my sin. I went outside where the sprinkler was watering the lawn, and I pretended the money was under the sprinkler. I went in the house triumphant that I had found the lost money. Eager to hand it over to my distraught mother and make things right again. Much to my dismay I was met with an angry parent who vowed that I was lying, that I stole the money, and I could never be trusted. I sank deeper in my sin believing I might as well be as what she claimed as I was. [That’s called devaluing.]
It didn’t matter anymore I wanted this encounter with my son to be very, very different. So I told him this story while I held him in my arms, rubbing his back. Then I let him know that I was missing $20 and if it was possible the money he had found in his pocket might be mine. Immediately he said, “No Mom, I found that in my pocket!” I was so pleased that God was in control. It was at this point that I got an awesome opportunity to heal a great wrong in my life, simply by treating my son, in his sin, the way I had only dreamed of being treated. I said to him, “I believe you.” I hugged him and sent him on his way.
Later that night I mentioned to him that we needed to put the $20 up on his chart. We keep a running account of our younger children’s money on the refrigerator; then we keep the cash for them so they don’t lose it. They do this by choice and he had already given me the $20 the day he had called me and said he had found it in his pocket. They usually keep smaller amounts in their wallets but the bigger amounts they give back to us and write it on their account. I had joyfully written the $20 entry on his account. [Can you imagine doing this, “I joyfully written.”] I felt such peace, such joy, conviction of sin was up to the Holy Spirit, alone. [Wow, isn’t that amazing that she had this insight, giving God His job back?]
I had done the only job required of me, his mom. I had lavished prodigal grace on my son. I call it prodigal grace because prodigal means reckless, lavish, wasteful. [That’s an amazing definition of prodigal, isn’t it? Reckless, Lavish, Wasteful] The father in the parable of the prodigal son was actually the one who was reckless; he was lavish; he was wasteful. He wasted the fatted calf on his son. He lavished the underserved gift of a robe and a ring. He recklessly ran down the road to meet him – his elderly father. He poured out unconditional love, yes, that is what I lacked as a child. That is what I wanted my son yet in his unrepentant sin to experience.
A few hours later I was preparing to read aloud a book to the boys. My heartbroken son came into the room and burst into tears at my side. [It is amazing when our children understand how much we value them even in their unrepentant state. It is amazing of what that does in their heart rather than our forceful “you must do this.” It’s amazing what a child will do when a mom or dad will come along side and help them to pick up their toys. Rather than say, “You go back and do what I told you to do.”]
I hugged him. I asked him if he would like to tell me something. “Yes,” he stammered, “I…I did take the money out of your drawer, Mom.” What joy in my heart to see the Holy Spirit bring about the work of repentance totally unhindered by me. [I love that statement, “Totally unhindered by me.”] Oh my dear son, I love you, I am so proud of you for telling the truth. That took so much courage. I believed you when you told me that you didn’t take the money because I really trust you. I’m so glad I can trust you to tell me the truth. [She didn’t say, I trusted you and you betrayed my trust. She did say, I believed you, now I’m glad you told me the truth and I’ll believe you even more.] I know that was a hard thing to do. I do want you to know something; all that I have is yours. [That’s beautiful. That’s what God told us before He left this earth: all that is mine is yours, I’ll never leave you or forsake you.] If you ever feel like you need money, you come and tell me. I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to steal. I want you to keep that money, I don’t want it back. I’m just so glad that you let the Holy Spirit work in your heart. Yes, I wanted him to keep the money [this is what you call lavish, wasteful, reckless. This is what you call grace.] and no one else in our household knows what happened. I covered over his sin for a very good purpose so that he will never forget what that kind of love feels like. I don’t believe I’ll ever deal with this issue with him again. For that very reason it was worth to be a prodigal mom. God’s love is so radical toward us, so incredibly unbelievable. We were ungodly, yet, we were sinners, we were enemies. “One will hardly die for a righteous man but though perhaps for a good man someone will even dare to die but God demonstrates His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
That was an amazing story! How many times have I been the recipient as well as the perpetrator of devaluing? The immediate question is won’t people take advantage of you if you operate like this? God operates this way. How does He manage? I guess we will manage the same way. Some will devalue us for being a sucker. Even in the face of being devalued, Father operates out of His character for His sake. Romans 2:4 says that the kindness of God leads us to repentance. And Psalm 117:2, Father’s lovingkindness prevails over us, and His faithfulness is everlasting. His ways win out in the end. May we learn His ways.
posted by brent at 3:06 PM
1 Comments:
Very moving.
J
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