The Three F's
Last night I had a student ask me, “What was the one coping skill that helped me the most.” In all the years conducting a coping skills group, I’ve never had anyone ask me that question. It was a great question on a couple of levels. First, the question itself: if you want to know how to do something, ask someone who appears to know what they are doing. Second, it shows the humility of the one asking. Most kids this age want to find out how to do something on their own – to ask for help is a sign of weakness and un-independence. (I know it’s not a word but just play along.)
It took me off guard for a minute and so I told her we would finish with a peer who was talking at the time and I would finish the group out with my answer. And I pretended she wasn't just trying to distract from the issue so as to take the pressure off herself.
I gave her three of the things that has helped me cope with every difficulty I face. I also told her and the group that they would have to internalize their own answer to that question. There would be similarities and there would be differences. The key is to make something their own instead of just practicing what others do or say. This is why they are often unsuccessful in the challenges of life. We can know something intellectually but without internalizing it is just useless, dead orthodoxy. I see this all the time. (In case you’re wondering, I’m not a big word person when I’m with them.)
The three things that have helped me cope with my life-challenges:
1. Friends – I’ve got friends that have been there for me at my moment of challenge (without being asked) time after time. I include my wife in this number.
2. Father – not my biological father, though he has always been supportive, but a spiritual father, a mentor. I had prayed that God would give me someone who could show me how to get it done – to show me how to live fully. We’ve been meeting about weekly for 13 years now.
3. Faith – My relationship with Father has been the most sustaining thing in my life. It is He who has directed my life and worked out my issues in a supportive way.
I believe that there are other things that can help one cope and have helped me cope, but these are the foundational issues that support my life. (I slipped back into preaching mode with the 3 F’s. If there were an organ playing I might have started hoopin’.)
We all need support – those people and skills to help manage when the pressures of life start to temp us to revert back to unhealthy ways of releasing the pressure.
Peace.
It took me off guard for a minute and so I told her we would finish with a peer who was talking at the time and I would finish the group out with my answer. And I pretended she wasn't just trying to distract from the issue so as to take the pressure off herself.
I gave her three of the things that has helped me cope with every difficulty I face. I also told her and the group that they would have to internalize their own answer to that question. There would be similarities and there would be differences. The key is to make something their own instead of just practicing what others do or say. This is why they are often unsuccessful in the challenges of life. We can know something intellectually but without internalizing it is just useless, dead orthodoxy. I see this all the time. (In case you’re wondering, I’m not a big word person when I’m with them.)
The three things that have helped me cope with my life-challenges:
1. Friends – I’ve got friends that have been there for me at my moment of challenge (without being asked) time after time. I include my wife in this number.
2. Father – not my biological father, though he has always been supportive, but a spiritual father, a mentor. I had prayed that God would give me someone who could show me how to get it done – to show me how to live fully. We’ve been meeting about weekly for 13 years now.
3. Faith – My relationship with Father has been the most sustaining thing in my life. It is He who has directed my life and worked out my issues in a supportive way.
I believe that there are other things that can help one cope and have helped me cope, but these are the foundational issues that support my life. (I slipped back into preaching mode with the 3 F’s. If there were an organ playing I might have started hoopin’.)
We all need support – those people and skills to help manage when the pressures of life start to temp us to revert back to unhealthy ways of releasing the pressure.
Peace.
posted by brent at 11:01 AM
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