Looking in the Mirror
You can tell a whole lot about a man by the condition of his garden. Finnis
As I looked out over the back yard and saw the condition of my garden, these words came back to me. It’s not quite time to start planting; however, it needs a lot of work. My mind drifted to what this said about my current state of being. The words are accurate and speak volumes of truth. I didn’t know Grandpa was such an expert on projective testing and glad he’s not around to witness the embarrassing site.
I can hide the shoddiness with hard work and a lot of movement, however, the flaw is still exposed. It almost seems a part of my nature, my character. What is it that starts something but doesn’t complete it to perfection? By perfection I mean to the fullest completion – wholeness – done right. I don’t have the answer, quite yet. I see the flaw. I feel the embarrassment. But, I’m having difficulty articulating. I joke about my laziness, however, is sloth the root here? I don’t think so. The thing I know is when Father exposes something in me it isn’t very long until He starts working it out.
I live with a perpetual to-do-list in my mind that can never be attained. I run on the treadmill, going nowhere. Even as I write these words, there is an uneasiness within me that presses ahead to the next statement before fully completing my current thought. I have difficulty in the moment. I’m anxiously awaiting the next moment and missing the fullness of now. Thinking about it, the only peace I find is in my work. Maybe it is because it’s not my moment but theirs. I can be at ease in their moment – letting them have their moment and sharing it with them. I’m not at unpeace in the big picture; however, the static of my mind needs rest. My untested hypothesis is that rest/peace will come as I allow myself to be in the moment without regard for the next.
As I looked out over the back yard and saw the condition of my garden, these words came back to me. It’s not quite time to start planting; however, it needs a lot of work. My mind drifted to what this said about my current state of being. The words are accurate and speak volumes of truth. I didn’t know Grandpa was such an expert on projective testing and glad he’s not around to witness the embarrassing site.
I can hide the shoddiness with hard work and a lot of movement, however, the flaw is still exposed. It almost seems a part of my nature, my character. What is it that starts something but doesn’t complete it to perfection? By perfection I mean to the fullest completion – wholeness – done right. I don’t have the answer, quite yet. I see the flaw. I feel the embarrassment. But, I’m having difficulty articulating. I joke about my laziness, however, is sloth the root here? I don’t think so. The thing I know is when Father exposes something in me it isn’t very long until He starts working it out.
I live with a perpetual to-do-list in my mind that can never be attained. I run on the treadmill, going nowhere. Even as I write these words, there is an uneasiness within me that presses ahead to the next statement before fully completing my current thought. I have difficulty in the moment. I’m anxiously awaiting the next moment and missing the fullness of now. Thinking about it, the only peace I find is in my work. Maybe it is because it’s not my moment but theirs. I can be at ease in their moment – letting them have their moment and sharing it with them. I’m not at unpeace in the big picture; however, the static of my mind needs rest. My untested hypothesis is that rest/peace will come as I allow myself to be in the moment without regard for the next.
posted by brent at 2:07 PM
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