There

I strive to “be there” for my children everyday. When I come home tired after a long workday, I am not always there for my children. They want me there. They will clamor for my attention to get me there. And if I’m not there for them, there will be a day that they will not let me be there for them when more is on the line. I need to be there in times that I would consider insignificant if I want to be there during significant times. You may ask, “Where is there?” and “How do I get there?” Your children have the answer – ask them.

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I wrote this sometime back when I did some advertising in the monthly family addition to the local paper. It was a small add that had my picture and information with a thought. I’ve been thinking of this thought lately because my oldest son is going through a developmental shift and is changing. His ways of thinking and relating are changing and if I don’t re-relate and change with him then I’ll miss the bus and he will be gone.

It’s funny how I can sense the change and feel apprehension about what to do. Come on, this is what I do for a living. In fact, I probably wouldn’t recognize what’s going on and miss it as so many parents do if I hadn’t been trained to be aware of it.

So, what do I do? When he was younger he liked to play talking dinosaurs. I would get in the floor with him after work and sometimes before work and play with him. I didn’t particularly find this mentally stimulating. However, it was emotionally stimulating. Now he’s in to “fight time” where he pretends he knows karate and attacks me. He has to ask me to play this way too much. I need to take the initiative here because I know it’s what he likes. Recently he started focusing on tickling more. He loves to be tickled. It’s his touch. He is not as affectionate as he used to be. He doesn’t like to be held as much. But he likes the physical stimulation of tickling. Just so you know, if you didn’t already, I hate tickling. It is torturous to me. I would rather play talking dinosaurs.

Communication is so subtle that I’ve learned that if I raise my hand and pretend to be a horse and say, “Wilbur, I’m hungry! How ‘bout some corn?” He will run out of the room so I don’t tickle his leg. Then the game is over. I think I need to chase after him.

Someone said, “But for all that there are people around you, you go home and spend so much time alone.” Whether directly intended for me or not, these words were as words from Father. These are not the kisses of an enemy but the gentle wounding of a friend. We are talking about intimacy here – connection. A theme I infer throughout every post. It is written between every line. To the point, how will my son learn how to be intimate if I don’t demonstrate intimacy? How will I learn if I’m unwilling to be there?