The Art of Valuing Others
“Look at me, Mommy!” “Daddy, watch me!” Our children have an insatiable need for validation. Every second of the day they are constantly watching us for our approval. They feed off of it – nourishment that feeds their soul.
In the daily grind of life it is easy to overlook and take for granted those who are important to us. It is not uncommon for me to think something positive about another and never convey the thought. On the contrary, it is not uncommon for me to represent an opposite thought by my silence. Or worse, by a tone of voice or a preoccupied look that doesn’t truly represent what I intend.
This is particularly important when it comes to family relations. My desire is to convey value to my wife and sons. Too often I am preoccupied or in a hurry and convey a message that they are not important. They will then personalize the message to, “I’m not important” or “There’s something wrong with me.” This works out into their belief system about themselves and God which, in turn, effects what they do and their future success.
Message sent is not always message intended. We must be diligent to let others know we value them. What I think conveys value is not necessarily what others need at that moment. The message may get lost if I don’t present it in a way that they can receive it.
Our example, of course, is the Father. He validates perfectly. Consider Luke 3:22. After Jesus is baptized the Spirit descends upon Him and the Father says, “You are My beloved Son, in You I am well pleased.” The Father’s focus was on Jesus as He validated Him. It was not primarily what You do for Me but, “You are valuable therefore I value You.” It’s perfect because it takes nothing away from the value comment. It is not weighted with ulterior motives or desires. The result being Jesus was valued and felt valued.
The other example is Jesus Himself. Isaiah 42:3: “A bruised reed He will not break and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish; He will faithfully bring forth justice.” The premise to Jesus’ actions is that He valued others. It was out of this deep sense of value that He recognized what others needed. He paid attention to the details. He was not so caught up with His mission that He forgot about what He was there for. He didn’t see people as commodities to His goal. I wonder if this is not why people were drawn to Him. He was approachable. He did not cast a judgmental eye toward others and require them to meet His needs. They did not feel that they had to be a certain way to be accepted by Him. It was out of this that people found the power to change. Remember the woman brought before Him by the religious leaders that wanted to stone her. She was shamed before Him; publicly humiliated. He didn’t feed into their public disgust at her expense. The one who could truly and rightly cast the first stone responded by validating her. Think of the woman at the well. She was a public disgrace that had to come in the middle of the day to get water. He started a conversation with her. I suppose He looked her in the eye and spoke her name. She felt shame by the scores who shamed her. Funny isn’t it, how we who have no ground to shame another get some since of self-validation from our judgments? How we attempt to validate ourselves by devaluing others.
Father God empowers us by always believing in us. I wonder what would happen in our lives if we acted on this in our relationships with others.
In the daily grind of life it is easy to overlook and take for granted those who are important to us. It is not uncommon for me to think something positive about another and never convey the thought. On the contrary, it is not uncommon for me to represent an opposite thought by my silence. Or worse, by a tone of voice or a preoccupied look that doesn’t truly represent what I intend.
This is particularly important when it comes to family relations. My desire is to convey value to my wife and sons. Too often I am preoccupied or in a hurry and convey a message that they are not important. They will then personalize the message to, “I’m not important” or “There’s something wrong with me.” This works out into their belief system about themselves and God which, in turn, effects what they do and their future success.
Message sent is not always message intended. We must be diligent to let others know we value them. What I think conveys value is not necessarily what others need at that moment. The message may get lost if I don’t present it in a way that they can receive it.
Our example, of course, is the Father. He validates perfectly. Consider Luke 3:22. After Jesus is baptized the Spirit descends upon Him and the Father says, “You are My beloved Son, in You I am well pleased.” The Father’s focus was on Jesus as He validated Him. It was not primarily what You do for Me but, “You are valuable therefore I value You.” It’s perfect because it takes nothing away from the value comment. It is not weighted with ulterior motives or desires. The result being Jesus was valued and felt valued.
The other example is Jesus Himself. Isaiah 42:3: “A bruised reed He will not break and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish; He will faithfully bring forth justice.” The premise to Jesus’ actions is that He valued others. It was out of this deep sense of value that He recognized what others needed. He paid attention to the details. He was not so caught up with His mission that He forgot about what He was there for. He didn’t see people as commodities to His goal. I wonder if this is not why people were drawn to Him. He was approachable. He did not cast a judgmental eye toward others and require them to meet His needs. They did not feel that they had to be a certain way to be accepted by Him. It was out of this that people found the power to change. Remember the woman brought before Him by the religious leaders that wanted to stone her. She was shamed before Him; publicly humiliated. He didn’t feed into their public disgust at her expense. The one who could truly and rightly cast the first stone responded by validating her. Think of the woman at the well. She was a public disgrace that had to come in the middle of the day to get water. He started a conversation with her. I suppose He looked her in the eye and spoke her name. She felt shame by the scores who shamed her. Funny isn’t it, how we who have no ground to shame another get some since of self-validation from our judgments? How we attempt to validate ourselves by devaluing others.
Father God empowers us by always believing in us. I wonder what would happen in our lives if we acted on this in our relationships with others.
posted by brent at 12:32 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home