Happy Halloween
Didn’t the month fly by? I haven’t posted much because typically October is one of my busier months in every area. For whatever reason it seems that people seek out help more in the fall than other times of the year. This presents a dilemma for me since it is also the start of hunting season. I love to be in the woods in the fall. Turkey season is all month long and can you believe that the only time I saw turkey was while deer hunting in Arkansas. The only time I saw a legal buck was while turkey hunting. I hope this isn’t how the rest of the season will go.
My primary meditation was Philippians 4 early in the month during muzzle loader season in Arkansas. I may spend some time detailing my meditations but lately I’ve revisited a common theme of how to raise kids successfully. I believe that there are some common principles that must be maintained throughout the developmental cycles our children go through. Each developmental cycle is important in its own right and must be pursued with diligence. Simply put, we must give our all as if we would have our children in no other stage of their development.
Here’s what I was thinking the other day while sitting in the woods.
1. Presence. This means not only being there for you child but they must have your undivided attention. You must play with them and do things that they want to do on a regular basis. They must have your energy and heart as you play with them. If you placate them during any developmental stage they will know it and mirror that in future interactions. What you teach them is that it is ok to be selfish and people aren’t important. How they internalize this is that you don’t care and they are not important.
2. Respect. This means that you have genuine value for your child. You listen to their thoughts and opinions without the need to correct. This doe not mean that you don’t instruct but you give them freedom to express their opinion and help them come to appropriate conclusions. There is a reason the truth is the truth. We don’t need to worry that they will miss it. If we force our anxieties onto them by requiring them to parrot what we believe we convey the message that they are untrustworthy and incompetent.
3. Value. We subtly devalue others in our verbal and nonverbal conveyances. It starts with an overwhelming belief of our child’s value and importance to us. The rest will take care of itself.
Moments. This is a moment by moment investment. Each experience is packed with meaning and instruction. We teach what we believe but we reproduce who we are. Because this is a brick at a time project we must rely on Holy Spirit in the moment. There are no cookie-cutter, one size fits all answers in raising our children. I believe that we will have a knowing in the moment as the Holy Spirit gives us grace to raise our children.
4. Intimacy. We must connect with our children. We must give them our hearts. We must push past our uncomfortableness in a proactive way. We must stare into our children’s eyes and give them our heart. We must put fear aside and talk and spend time with and laugh and love.
5. Example. If we do not face our dragons then they most certainly will have to. We pass on those things that are not conquered in us. We pass on our victories as well. We must work on ourselves if we want them to be successful.
6. Time. This is a long term process. A lifetime process. We must face the intensity. We must meet the challenge. Our children’s lives rest in the balance.
My primary meditation was Philippians 4 early in the month during muzzle loader season in Arkansas. I may spend some time detailing my meditations but lately I’ve revisited a common theme of how to raise kids successfully. I believe that there are some common principles that must be maintained throughout the developmental cycles our children go through. Each developmental cycle is important in its own right and must be pursued with diligence. Simply put, we must give our all as if we would have our children in no other stage of their development.
Here’s what I was thinking the other day while sitting in the woods.
1. Presence. This means not only being there for you child but they must have your undivided attention. You must play with them and do things that they want to do on a regular basis. They must have your energy and heart as you play with them. If you placate them during any developmental stage they will know it and mirror that in future interactions. What you teach them is that it is ok to be selfish and people aren’t important. How they internalize this is that you don’t care and they are not important.
2. Respect. This means that you have genuine value for your child. You listen to their thoughts and opinions without the need to correct. This doe not mean that you don’t instruct but you give them freedom to express their opinion and help them come to appropriate conclusions. There is a reason the truth is the truth. We don’t need to worry that they will miss it. If we force our anxieties onto them by requiring them to parrot what we believe we convey the message that they are untrustworthy and incompetent.
3. Value. We subtly devalue others in our verbal and nonverbal conveyances. It starts with an overwhelming belief of our child’s value and importance to us. The rest will take care of itself.
Moments. This is a moment by moment investment. Each experience is packed with meaning and instruction. We teach what we believe but we reproduce who we are. Because this is a brick at a time project we must rely on Holy Spirit in the moment. There are no cookie-cutter, one size fits all answers in raising our children. I believe that we will have a knowing in the moment as the Holy Spirit gives us grace to raise our children.
4. Intimacy. We must connect with our children. We must give them our hearts. We must push past our uncomfortableness in a proactive way. We must stare into our children’s eyes and give them our heart. We must put fear aside and talk and spend time with and laugh and love.
5. Example. If we do not face our dragons then they most certainly will have to. We pass on those things that are not conquered in us. We pass on our victories as well. We must work on ourselves if we want them to be successful.
6. Time. This is a long term process. A lifetime process. We must face the intensity. We must meet the challenge. Our children’s lives rest in the balance.
posted by brent at 10:30 AM
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