Developing Our Thought Life

This was the topic my pastor spoke on last Sunday. It is crucial that we think right if we are going to be successful in any endeavor we undertake. It is absolutely essential to think like Father thinks if we are going to be like Him. Father is changing our mind day by day. Father, help us to think Your thoughts after You. The following are some notes I took as Bishop was speaking.

1. We are shaping our children’s life with words – good and bad.
2. God created man in His image and likeness in order that man could think like He does. This implies communion.
3. Christ came to remedy the Isaiah 55:8 problem. We can train and develop our thoughts to think as Father thinks. We use this verse to focus on the negative that we can’t think like God thinks. However, this is not true in Christ. Jesus came to reveal God’s thoughts in order to restore man to think as He does.
4. I am only going to learn God’s ways by developing my thought life.
5. I live beneath my privileges when I don’t think like Father thinks. Thinking carnally robs me of my spiritual privileges. If I’m not responsible in my thinking then I lose the privileges and blessings that are mine in Christ.
6. If I don’t have a proper judgment about my value, I won’t live up to my potential.
7. Spiritual thoughts are more powerful than carnal thoughts. The light that is within us is more powerful than the darkness that surrounds us. Truth is stronger than error. There is more grace in God’s heart than sin in man’s heart. There is more power in one drop of the blood of Jesus than the accumulative sin of man.
8. We grow up/mature by training our minds to think positively as He does.
9. Some thoughts I think, I shouldn’t say. Sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut! Some thoughts are contrary to the truth.
10. Our life is in our thinking – positively or negatively.
11. Fill your mind with whatever is true.
12. The Righteous Judge of the earth is going to do the right thing.
13. In order to glorify God in my spirit and body I have to think positively.

Psalm 138

I will give You thanks with all my heart;

O how my heart can be divided! And how this man can be double-minded. I love David. He knew how to give his heart to Father. He knew how to be intimate. It becomes common-place to only give a portion of my heart, all the while thinking I’m giving my all. Giving the whole heart is a choice that we can make. We don’t have to wait until the wind or season is right before we sail.

I have lunch with my pastor on Thursdays. Often we don’t have an agenda in our conversation but just enjoying each other’s presence in the presence of Father. He gives his heart more than anyone I’ve ever known. He demonstrates this and I’m learning. I used to think I was intimate until I got married and realized what intimacy really was. I am just in kindergarten.

I will sing praises to You before the gods.

At first reading I skimmed over this thinking that we really don’t believe in other gods to praise God before. But after a closer thought, I realized the other gods are my idols that I’ve set up. These are things that I worship by giving my time and energy – things that I place before God. I will stand in allegiance before these things as I worship the one true God.

I will bow down toward Your holy temple
And give thanks to Your name for Your lovingkindness and Your faithfulness;
For You have magnified Your promise together with all Your name.

“For You have magnified (enlarged) Your word according to all (in the same measure) Your name.” “Be it unto you according to your faith.” Father’s name and word are the same which is demonstrated in lovingkindness and faithfulness.

On the day I called, You answered me;
You made me bold with strength in my soul.

I like that, “On the day.” How many times have I called and thought God didn’t answer, at least not in what I would consider was a timely fashion. However, I could have missed it. Looking back, did I not have strength of soul to address the concern? Faith is action. I move out with boldness and the strength of soul is there with each step. My part is moving. His part is giving strength of soul. I just need to be concerned with my part.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will keep me alive;
You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
And Your right hand will save me.
The Lord will accomplish what concerns me;
Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

There is a comfort in knowing that the Lord will accomplish what concerns me. I often think of the Lord as a silent by-stander, passively watching but rarely involved. The truth is that He is intricately involved in my circumstances and will bring about His purposes.

Finally Home

We're finally home. Actually, we arrived late Wednesday afternoon. I had work responsibilities that kept me from giving you an update. C is doing great, better than expected. We give Father praise for this and trust Him for C's recovery and development. Thank you all for praying.

Canaan Update

H called this morning and said that C had a very good night. He slept several hours and was up watching a movie laughing his belly wrenching laugh while waiting on his french fries. How can you say, no?

Yesterday, he seemed to be in a lot of pain with a head ache and spasms. There have been no spasms since last night but he still has a head ache. We should be out of the PICU today. Pray that C's recovery will be speedy with no difficulty with leaking spinal fluid. Thank you for your prayers.

Peace.

b

Successful Surgery

Canaan's surgery went very well. He is currently recovering in the PICU at St. Louis Children's Hospital with his mother by his side. Me, J, and Grandma are at the hotel for the night. Dr. Park believes that the issue was resolved in a way that will help prevent a recurrence - at least in the short term. There is always the possibility that as C grows the scar tissue will adhere to the spinal column and stretch the nerves. This is what causes the loss in mobility and the leg spasms. The issue at hand now is ensuring that spinal fluid is not leaking from the incision. The goal is that in a few days he will be moved to a regular room and then after another three days of recovery we'll be home. Thank you all for your prayers. Continue to pray that Father will oversee C's recovery and development. C seems more responsive and looks better this time compared to last year's surgery. H figured out that he will sleep better if she leaves him alone a little more than attending to him every time he moves.

Great Peace

Those who love Your law have great peace [שׁלם שׁלום],
And nothing causes them to stumble.
Psalm 119:165

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace [שׁלם שׁלום], whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Isaiah 26:3


Shaw-lome’ Shaw-lome’, Peace Peace, Great Peace, Perfect Peace

Peace, Peace, Wonderful Peace,
Coming down from the Father above.
Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray,
In fathomless billows of love.

This chorus came to mind when I read Ps. 119:165 today. We have a perfect peace. We have a great peace – a peace that passes all understanding. This is our promise from Father. We lose our peace when we don’t trust Him to give us the energy, understanding, and ability to face our difficult circumstances. Sometimes He overwhelms us with His presence and peace. Sometimes we have to consciously roll our cares onto Him. Sometimes we want to sit in our unrest and we refuse His peace.

What a promise! “Nothing causes them to stumble” who love the law of God; who want to do His will. I can’t cause myself to stumble when I have an earnest desire and willingness to do God’s will. I, after all, am my biggest stumbling block.

The feeling I initially had when I got the news that my youngest son would have surgery tomorrow like the after effects of being punched in the stomach is replaced with His peace. There is still some irritability and weariness of soul but there is an unexplainable peace that overrides it all.

Puritan Prayer for Morning

Compassionate Lord, Thy mercies have brought me to the dawn of another day. Vain will be its gift unless I grow in grace, increase in knowledge, ripen for spiritual harvest. Let me this day know Thee as Thou art, love Thee supremely, serve Thee wholly, admire Thee fully. Through grace let my will respond to Thee, knowing that power to obey is not in me, but that Thy free love alone enables me to serve Thee. Here then is my empty heart, overflow it with Thy choicest gifts; here is my blind understanding, chase away its mists of ignorance.O ever watchful Shepherd, lead, guide, tend me this day; without Thy restraining rod I err and stray. Hedge up my path lest I wander into unwholesome pleasure, and drink its poisonous streams; direct my feet that I be not entangled in Satan's secret snares, nor fall into his hidden traps. Defend me from assailing foes, from evil circumstances, from myself. My adversaries are part and parcel of my nature; they cling to me as my very skin; I cannot escape their contact. In my rising up and sitting down they barnacle me; they entice with constant baits; my enemy is within the citadel. Come with almighty power and cast him out, pierce him to death, and abolish in me every particle of carnal life this day.

Help-Mate

Dear Father,

Thank You for giving me such a help-mate. She is more than a help-mate because that sounds so business-like. She does more than help me do but she helps me be. Maybe this is what You had in mind. Thank You for giving me such a Help-Mate. She so touches that part of me that is out of reach to everyone else including myself. I would continue on in ignorance thinking there is no need for growth but she exposes – our relationship exposes – my need to continue to grow in intimacy. Even our relationship doesn’t really expose this like mine and Holly’s. Intimacy is not stagnant. It is not a place you arrive at or an achievement to be attained. She has taught me this. I do so poorly at being intimate. I allow the pressure of the unknown to force me back into the comfortable known and thus miss the riches afforded those who venture out in spite of their fear.

I guess intimacy is more than doing but it is being. It is not so much as a work but a way. How would I have ever known this if You had not given me Holly. As I look at the vastness of the expanse before me my heart is tempted to faint; to give up. But I know that this is what intimacy is. It is enjoying the vastness – exploring the regions beyond – hill and dale, wood and stream, highest mountain and lowest valley. It is enjoying this vastness with Holly. I’m tempted to give up – on intimacy that is – to retreat into business as usual – to retreat into the comfortable ease of being responsible and fulfilling my duty as a husband and father. This is risk free and safe. But to do this is to forfeit the cry of my soul. It is to die. So I will press on and we will press on to explore this mysterious and scary and amazingly wondrous land. And somewhere in the depths of this land we will discover that we were exploring Eden all along. I don’t want to hide in the security of the masses for it appears not many go there. I want to press on. I will not be afraid. I will lean into the cold wind of my fears and press on to see a brighter day – the freedom of heart and satisfaction of soul that only this vast wilderness of intimacy with Holly can provide. And only after all this will I find true intimacy with You.

It is amazing how (I find it bafflingly true.) the level of intimacy I have with Holly is directly and absolutely proportional to the level of intimacy I have with You and visa versa. It’s hard for me to capture in words this mishmash of raw thoughts and emotion. I feel that I’m seriously lacking in intimacy with both of you. I feel there is something missing. That I’m lacking like when in school I was just starting to grasp a math equation but not quite. I could feel something beyond but I couldn’t see it. I am a blind man groping about and stumbling in the darkness when it comes to truly loving You and Holly. Like every other part of my life I’m trying to arrive to where there is no destination and thus missing the journey along the way. I don’t think there are any right answers per se but to continue striving to find the answers. It is the exercise of love – of intimacy that is the goal. I believe I already know what to do; it’s just letting go and doing it. Help me to do it. Help me to be intimate. Amen.

Surety

Be surety for Your servant for good;
Do not let the arrogant oppress me.
Psalm 119:122

Like Judah pledging surety for Benjamin (Gen. 43:9) so God pledges surety for us through Jesus Christ. In fact, He demonstrated surety for us through Jesus Christ on the cross but especially in Gethsemane. It was there that the decision was finalized. It was there that Jesus felt the emotional toll of the price he would pay in a few short hours. If Father would pay such a price for us then, would that not prove out in every circumstance now? We belong to Him and He is responsible for us. Just because we cannot see Him does not mean that He cannot see us. And if He sees then He hears our cries. And if He hears our cries, will He not be moved? He has His purposes. We can trust that they are good regardless of our experiences. Jesus has become our surety for good. We can do nothing but depend upon His word.

Establish my footsteps in Your word,
And do not let any iniquity have dominion over me.
Psalm 119:133

Removing the Dross

You have removed the wicked of the earth like dross;
Therefore I love Your testimonies.
Psalm 119:119

Dross is the scum formed on the surface of molten metal. Key term is “molten metal.” The dross doesn’t come out until the heat is applied. It is a certainty of life that we all experience heat. Not just uncomfortably warm but molten heat burns the flesh away. Our flesh is the fat that drips over the flames of an altar. We want the wicked to be removed but we don’t want to experience the heat so that it can happen. The heat removes the wickedness in us. If we refuse to allow this process to happen, we will be the dross that is removed. What profit is ours if we gain the world but lose our soul? What benefit do we derive from wasting our sorrows?

There are some like Pharaoh who refuse to bend and lose it all. There are some like Moses who must spend forty years tending sheep in the wilderness of Midian to gain his soul. There are some like the Children of Israel who see His works but never learn His ways so they perish in the desert. There are some who are rebellious and wicked of heart and will never understand the purpose of the heat and will thus burn away.

Where does this heat come from? Where does the answer lie? I think the key is in His testimonies.

Grieving Well

One day my sons will be walking down the street and something will remind them of me. They will have that sudden melancholy that overtakes those who have loved and lost to never regain again. They will have regrets mingled with joy, a precious treasure that none can take away.

I want my sons to grieve well. They won’t know how to do it until the time comes and will stumble at it. Father will come along side and teach how to rely on His grace that will carry them through that experience and replace me with Him.

It is a very common prayer of mine that asks to survive my kids’ developmental years. I consider grief and trauma specialties and have worked with a lot of kids experiencing loss. You never do it well. Our minds are programmed to believe that our parents will be there forever in spite of our rational understanding and knowledge that they won’t. I have come to believe that it is only by God’s grace that we can endure such reprogramming that reality hands us.

I often go to the cemetery alone to stand over Dad’s grave, somehow trying to feel his presence that I haven’t experienced in the 3 ½ years since he’s died. There is a solace there standing in the presence of his grave. I like to do this alone but often, Mom, when finding out where I’m going wants to come along. It’s not the same. I drive slowly through the small town of my upbringing. (For those of you who know me this speaks volumes.) The streets are familiar with me. They knew me from of old when I traveled them on my bicycle. The buildings are dilapidated. Many of them do not seem to have changed from those many years ago. What am I looking for? I think I’m drinking in the nostalgia that included my dad. I’m searching for his presence. This too is a part of the grieving process. I am learning to let go and be reprogrammed.

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 90% The Flash 70% Supergirl 60% Wonder Woman 60% Robin 60% Green Lantern 60% Spider-Man 55% Iron Man 50% Hulk 45% Catwoman 35% Batman 25%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

The Faithfulness of God

Your hand made me and fashioned me;
Give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments.
I know, O Lord, that Your judgments are righteous,
And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
O may Your lovingkindness comfort me,
According to Your word to Your servant.
May Your compassion come to me that I may live,
For Your law is my delight.
Psalm 119:73, 75-77

His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.
Psalm 91:4

Not long ago I was feeling external pressure from conflict at work. I know, that’s my business but this pressure was from someone I supervise. Pressure is my co-therapist when I’m working with clients. But I like things to flow with people I work with. And for all the conflict I deal with, I really don’t like it in my personal life. This was the first time that I can recall having an enemy without cause simply because of the position of authority I was in. I like to get along. I’m easy to get along with…as long as you are walking in integrity.

So I had to address this personal attack. It was a very humbling experience not because I felt threatened but because for the first time I looked into an arrogant, intentional rebellion that was evil – evil in the since of total unwillingness to humble himself. (I don’t consider this person “evil” but deceived and building a total paradigm on that deception.) I struggle to articulate this because it is still a very raw experience. It caused me to see myself and be broken before an awesome and holy God. I had done nothing wrong. I was confronting wrong in others. But it shook me to see how a person could get so far off as to call evil good and good evil. And “but for the grace of God go I.”

The passage that came to mind is Ps. 91:4. Father’s faithfulness is my protection regardless of what I face. It is something completely outside of myself. I cannot conjure it up or speak some incantation to summon it. It is totally His doing and it is marvelous in our sight.

Currently I am experiencing an internal pressure. Father is equally involved with internal pressures. My experience with Father is that He is not wasteful. He uses every smidgen of time, energy, and resources to complete the circumstance for His glory. His word does not return to Him void. What is working in those around me is equally working in me to burn away the flesh. Some are vessels of wrath prepared for destruction and some are vessels of mercy prepared for glory. Pharaoh was raised up to demonstrate the power and Name of God. So was Moses. Each felt the affliction of God equally. Each had a choice to make. Each made their choice. Each ate of the fruit of their choice.

We all have choices. I’m looking from this side of the mosaic and not addressing the sovereignty of God in our choices. This is not a theological debate. The point is that affliction is a raw commodity that we all have. We all go to the mines of personal experience and work. Some work out of drudge and regret wasting their sorrows, while others recognize the precious ore they are mining. David was able to say, “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes.” I doubt he said this while mining the ore. On second thought, being familiar with his writings and his heart, he probably did say it while in the depths of the mine. These comments were made in context of feeling the pressure of a personal attack and external circumstances. Yet in Ps. 119:75 he identifies the faithfulness of God in his affliction. He is faithful to inflict affliction. But for what purpose? Maybe it’s because we are the ore.

Remembering

The previous two posts were borne out of my opportunity to face the circumstance in faith. While reading Psalm 119 and contemplating my youngest son's upcoming surgery, the words of vv. 49-50 came leaping from the page.

Remember the word to Your servant,
In which You have made me hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction,
That Your word has revived me.

I remembered when shortly after hearing that our youngest son had spina bifida Father impressed on me John 9. We were in shock. The next day while reading Scripture I came across John 9:3

It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

That word took me and is still taking me a long way. It gives purpose to a difficult situation. I feel a sense from Holy Spirit that this entire situation is and will be a demonstration of the covenant. Early in the pregnancy we came to the name "Canaan" because we felt he would be a demonstration of the covenant. When we found out, our thoughts were, "How can this be?" "How can this situation demonstrate the covenant?" It hasn't been clean nor easy. There is no name-it-and-claim-it here. There is a listening and walking out of our relationship with Jesus that demonstrate the benefits of the covenant. More than benefits. Benefits are the by-product of a life lived with Jesus. We all have our challenges. Some of Canaan's and our own are easy to identify.

So the melodramatic, raw emotions expressed in the previous two posts are not necessarily accurate in detail but accurately displays my emotional quandary. Emotions, however, do not reign supreme. They are a momentary snap-shot in the greater production. I will damn the emotions but cling to the truth. God has His purposes.

It could be considered ironic that my previous post before finding out about Canaan's need for surgery was on faith. I consider it providence.

The Conclusion

Scene 2

The clamoring crowd pressed against the man formerly known as the blind beggar. They wanted to hear his story. They wanted to see this anomaly. Jerusalem was in an uproar. Word spread quickly and eventually even the ruling class was made aware of this strange thing. Some scoffed in disbelief while others thoughtfully considered these happenings. The time was at hand for the Messiah to appear which caused excited anticipation.

A few days had passed and they brought the man to the Pharisees who thoroughly questioned him. The Pharisees are skeptical for reasons other than fear. Their skepticism is based on pride. They are the most learned and disciplined in the land and all things spiritual pass through them for their analysis and approval.

They questioned the man and not being satisfied they questioned his parents. His parents had one more opportunity to exercise faith. They feel the pressure once more and question deep within themselves, “Will they deny the son?” And they did. We are not told of other opportunities they had to regain their faith and hope. Hopefully they were able to regain their sight and rise above their insecurities and fear. The tension and pressure in the room was a thick and heavy tension that one feels when he is not among friends. The Pharisees asked for the man’s analysis and then ridiculed him for they did not like what they heard. He was no stranger to ridicule. They degraded him and his parents; and through the hardness of their heart and the blindness of their eyes they cast him out of the synagogue. A man who was familiar with rejection was rejected once more. This time, however, the sting of rejection was as absent as his blindness.

Scene 3

The man formerly known as blind went his way with joy in his heart as if he were dreaming. It all seemed surreal. He took a stand for Jesus and suffered the consequences. This stand equally spread throughout the community and it reached the ears of Jesus. Jesus searched for the man and finding him He said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” Humbly the man replied, "Who is He, Lord, that I may believe in Him?” As awareness rose within his spirit that he was standing and listing and seeing the Son of God, the Messiah, he worshipped. He had given Jesus his life as he stood before the Pharisees, now he gave Him his heart. And once more the former blind beggar became an occasion for others to see. The Pharisees that followed Jesus were as remote anthropologists in the deep jungles of the Amazon following a lost tribe watching but could not see.

Commentary

I am the parent of the one born blind. I have opportunity to exercise or deny faith. Residing within my decision is my son’s faith or lack thereof. What will I do? Cower in fear and condemn my son to the same hardship, training him that the Word of God cannot be relied upon? That God Himself cannot be trusted? Will I have the arrogance of the Pharisees that pretends to have all the answers and thus condemn him to the Law without Grace and the power thereof? The only answer with acceptable results is to have faith – believe in the Word of God and allow that belief to permeate into my thoughts, emotions, and experiences. There will come a day when my son will be of age and have to answer for himself. He will have to have a faith of his own. But what model will I give him until then?

It truly is a fearful thing to be in the hands of the living God. And we are all in His hands. We are all blind, subhuman beggars discarded, avoided, despised until Jesus passes by and notices us. He notices us. We are not a statistic or a theological debate for Him, but people – people of value. His touch makes all the difference and we display the works of God. His works are not generally clean and pretty. His works often produce controversy and conflict. But He is always glorified. And it is always exactly what we need.

The Works of God

There are ramifications to experience the works of God. This was not a solitary action. This began over thirty years prior when his parents experienced joy with the news of an oncoming child. What hope they experienced. What excited anticipation and dreams they must have enjoyed. And then, when the news, “It’s a male child” came. How they must have praised God for blessing them as such and possibly the first born, an extra blessing from the hand of God. The pride that this father felt welling up within was almost too much to bear. The men in his circle could hear the sense of satisfaction in the tone of his voice as he told them he had a son.

It wasn’t long as the babe grew the parents began to notice something wasn’t right. The mother noticed first and worriedly told her husband. He shrugged it off saying that all would be well. After all, this child is a blessing from the Lord. But time is not dishonest and the inevitable would have to be accepted. The grief these young parents experienced is beyond words. Their shattered dreams were all about them as shards of broken glass that tormented their every step. Others looked at them differently. Most didn’t speak directly to them but they overheard some in the market place as they began their theological discussion of who sinned. And they knew it was because they were there which prompted such thoughts and old debates. What did they tell themselves? Surely they blamed themselves and secretly each other. What was the final conclusion in their mind? Whatever it was it must have included that they had failed.

They learned to look at life differently, through the eyes of fear and skepticism. Years of training their thoughts to reason by fear took its toll. They gave that to their son. So now some thirty years later he barely raises his voice in hopes some passer by might have pity on him. He never suspected he was being watched by anyone.

For over 30 years he knew nothing but darkness. He had no concept of light or beauty. His staff was his eyes and at times he would craw and grope until he found his place. He had no hope save that extended by a compassionate hand. He was totally dependant on others for life – without them he would die. Fear was a constant companion, his closest friend. It was a dear family friend. His parents introduced him to fear for they knew him all their lives. His hopeless existence was shrouded in loneliness and aloneness. Not many will stop and converse with a beggar; and a blind one, steeped in sin, none would. This man was subhuman – malnourished, poor, alone, ridiculed. Not even dogs would stop and lick his wounded hands and knees. There was no hope for this man . . . until He passed by and noticed.

They were walking along the busy, crowed Jerusalem streets. The disciples tried to catch Jesus’ every word. They noticed Him stop at the gate. What was he looking at so intently? Ah, a blind man. But why was He looking at him? They ask, “Who sinned,” seeking answers to an age old theological debate? They looked and saw a theological equation. Jesus looked and filled with compassion saw a man. Others would see an animal but Jesus saw the value in this human.

Jesus wasn’t much into debating questions that mattered little in the scheme of life. He only looked to see the truth in a man’s pitiful situation. He must have sensed the Spirit’s prompting to notice. As Moses heard God say centuries before that the cries of His people has come before Him. Now Jesus hears the secret, silent cries of one born under the covenant and answers.

What radical change was in store for this man. A subhuman stood before Him as He made clay and gently applied it to the man’s eyes. The man was sent stumbling, groping along searching for the pool of Siloam. So what did he see? As he washed the mud out of his eyes, what did he see? Did he see his ruddy reflection in the pool? Did he pause, taken back by first sight and first light? Did he squint and close his eyes, retracting into familiar darkness? Did mud stained tears run down his cheeks? He went away blind and came back seeing. Others had difficulty recognizing him. He looked different – a transformation of body and spirit. He came back a new person.

Living By Faith

I care not today what the morrow may bring,
If shadow or sunshine or rain,
The Lord I know ruleth o’er everything,
And all of my worries are vain.

Refrain:
Living by faith in Jesus above,
Trusting, confiding in His great love;
From all harm safe in His sheltering arm,
I’m living by faith and feel no alarm.

Though tempests may blow and the storm clouds arise,
Obscuring the brightness of life,
I’m never alarmed at the overcast skies—
The Master looks on at the strife.

I know that He safely will carry me through,
No matter what evils betide;
Why should I then care though the tempest may blow,
If Jesus walks close to my side.

James Wells 1918

This was the hymn I was looking for. A quick research gives me little of the hymnist so I don’t have much info on him.

I woke up this morning with a terrible dream on my mind. I usually don’t remember my dreams. This one was me and my family being kidnapped by people who separated us and brainwashed us so we couldn’t remember our former lives. The details are not important. As always there were some really strange details. I’m more interested in my feeling of utter helplessness, powerlessness and devastation that I had no control over the events. What is going on in my life that I would feel this way? What vomit is my subconscious trying to puke up? Or is it the peanut butter I had at 8:30 last night? (I know, I know, it goes straight to fat. Stop nagging.) So this hymn came to mind during my morning quiet time. No matter what ever happens to me, it is Jesus who covers me.

LIVE OUT THY LIFE WITHIN ME

Live out Thy life within me, O Jesus, King of kings!
Be Thou Thyself the answer to all my questionings;
Live out Thy life within me, in all things have Thy way!
I, the transparent medium, Thy glory to display.

The temple has been yielded, and purified of sin,
Let Thy Shekinah glory now shine forth from with within,
And all the earth keep silence, the body henceforth be
Thy silent, gentle servant, moved only as by Thee.

Its members every moment held subject to Thy call,
Ready to have Thee use them, or not be used at all,
Held without restless longing, or strain, or stress, or fret,
Or chafings at Thy dealings, or thoughts of vain regret.

But restful, calm and pliant, from bend and bias free,
Awaiting Thy decision, when Thou hast need of me.
Live out Thy life within me, O Jesus, King of kings!
Be Thou the glorious answer to all my questionings.

Frances R. Havergal (1836-1879).

Daughter of hym­nist William Havergal, Frances was a bright but short lived can­dle in Eng­lish hym­no­dy. She was bap­tized by hym­nist John Ca­wood. She was read­ing by age four, and be­gan writ­ing verse at age se­ven. She learned La­tin, Greek and He­brew, and mem­o­rized the Psalms, the book of Isai­ah, and most of the New Test­a­ment.
Born: De­cem­ber 14, 1836, Ast­ley, Wor­ces­ter­shire, Eng­land.
Died: June 3, 1879, Cas­wall Bay, near Swan­sea, Wales.
Buried: Ast­ley, Wor­ces­ter­shire, Eng­land, the ci­ty of her birth. On her tomb­stone was the Script­ure verse she claimed as her own:
The blood of Je­sus Christ cleans­eth us from all sin.1 John 1:7

I was looking for another hymn when I found this one and information on the author. Quite fascinating, wouldn’t you agree?

Psalm 117

Praise the Lord, all nations;
Laud Him, all peoples!

For His lovingkindness prevails over us,
And the faithfulness of the Lord is everlasting.

Praise the Lord!


Romans 2:4

Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?


I Timothy 1:5

But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure hear and a good conscience and a sincere faith.


Why is it that Father has to pursue us with His love? “Stop loving me! I don’t want You to give me something my soul longs for with all its being!” It would be like saying, “Thanks anyway, but I don’t really want that billion dollars your trying to give me.” I’m reminded of Aunt Ruth trying to give me another piece of pie after I’m stuffed and can’t move, pleading with me to have one more bite. In her mind she was giving me her love. Why do we run from such a loving Father? Still we run and He pursues.

That’s what David was saying. How is it that love has to prevail against/over anyone? Isn’t that what everyone really wants? Oh, there I go again hiding in obscurity. Isn’t that what I really want? And, if so, why is it that I fight against the love of God. But alas, it is that great demon fear within me. (We all have our demons to slay, you know.) In a previous post, I commented on 1 John 4:18, “perfect love casts out fear.” A closer look assists in our understanding of Ps. 117. The word “cast”:

bal'-lo – A primary verb; to throw (in various applications, more or less violent or intense).

I believe Father’s love toward me is active, violent, intense. He overwhelms me with his love. Rom. 2:4: “the kindness of God leads you to repentance.”

Father is a fearless lover and He models that for us. I need to let Him love me.