Identity

When I was a boy baseball was my favorite sport. My dad coached me through childhood teams. The message I received through my baseball career was that I didn’t measure up. I wasn’t the worst (I didn’t play right field) but I was nominal at best. An honest assessment would reveal that I had a good eye, was fast but was fearful and didn’t hit well because of it, and I didn’t have a strong arm. So at season end each year I would anxiously wait to see the All-Star roster and each year I would leave gravely disappointed and heart broken for not being selected on the team. My season always ended with the last game of regular season. Dad tried to encourage me but I’m sure my disappointment eclipsed all comments of encouragement. I only focused on my failure. One time, my last year of baseball, when I played in Jr. League at age 13 I was selected for the All-Star team because it was an all 13 year old team and there were not enough 13 year olds to comprise the team. The coach called me at home and tried to encourage me to play but I said that all those years being rejected put a bitter taste in my mouth for the All-Stars. I was a No-Star and wasn’t going to be on the team now. I did not want to be wanted out of default. The belief was established that I didn’t measure up. Failure had become my identity. The Peanuts cartoon was my favorite because I could identify with Charlie Brown. There is a great story by Raymond Lovett in Bringing Up Boys by Dr. Dobson that captures this superbly (pp. 152-158).

So all these years later there has been an undercurrent of this negative belief about myself that has tainted my every experience. These are extremely deep roots. Several years ago, Father started working this out of me. Through my church body, the leadership, and several books Father started revealing to me that my identity is Jesus. Everything else is not failure it is only a mirage of the real and a reminder that only a relationship with Jesus can meet that deep need of measuring up and belonging – intimacy. The solution has been and will continue to be renewing my mind to the truth of who I am in Christ.

I woke up this morning with this story and others like it on my mind. I’ve been experiencing a lot of stress lately and have found myself trying to measure up but feel as if I’m lacking. My unconscious solution has been to work harder. I need something to work on to prove my worth – to prove myself successful. Even good things are bad when they lead us away from the awareness of Jesus our identity. But what happens is that the busyness of mind only reveals that life with Jesus is the real thing, the only thing. Everything else is only a pursuit of our heart’s cry which is intimacy with Jesus and others we are in relationship with. This is where “happiness” is found. This is where peace and contentment reside.

The true message that I didn’t get back then was that only valuing intimacy with Jesus counts, everything else doesn’t matter. Everything else only demonstrates our need for it.

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Virginia, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :

1. The season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus. 5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday .

Knitting

We received a gift when me and H were married 13 years ago of three rugs that were hand knitted. (At least I would call it knitting.) I have one still in regular use on the back deck. It’s a little frayed but still in pretty good shape, especially being outside under a covered deck year round. I don’t think that machines knit that good. A Wal-Mart comparison wouldn’t have made it three years. This rug is a testimony for the one who made it. I don’t believe she is still alive but her rug lives on. What a craftsman!

I finished with my casual reading of Psalms last week and now feel my attention turning toward the Psalmist. Today while reading, I Samuel 18:1ff jumped out at me. It says, “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.” Wow! That strikes me. It appears to be love at first sight. The story of David and Jonathan is a story of best friends that extended to their heritage. It really is a beautiful story. It reminds of the song, “I want to be loved like that.”

The One who knit their souls together was God. And we know of His craftsmanship. I believe that we are all spools of material waiting to be knitted with each other. Let me correct myself. We are all being knitted to one another by the hands of time and the tools of common experience. Each interaction is a stitch. We sometimes become frayed and look all a mess but the skillful hands of the Master continues to work. The yarn has no say in what the Master Craftsman does. We think we can resist and get knotted up but He’s more skillful than the most tangled knot.

Who has Father knit you with? Why do you act as if you are knit with no one? This story is not on a different level reserved for only the special people. It is currently taking place with us all. It’s fascinating when you think about it. All the interactions we have is a great fabric that blankets the world. We are all connected through this knitting. This is especially true in the Spirit. It is absolutely true in the Spirit. And really all other human knitting is just an imitation of what the Spirit does with those who are connected in Christ.

Striving to Finish the Work

With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan - to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations.

This struck me as I read it today. Do you know who said these words? Do you know the context?

The Great Global Warming Swindle

Here is an interesting piece on global warming that you won't see on PBS.

Eating the Bread

I work with a lot of parents who feel their attempt at parenting is vain. They fear that they will not see the fruit of their labor. Funny. The fruit that they are cultivating is not for themselves but for their children. The fruit is their children. They are not laboring so that they will have a great harvest but that their children will reap a great harvest. That their children will be a great harvest unto themselves.

We are not perfect but we do the best we can. We are learning as we go. We make mistakes but our heart is right. Hopefully, the years that the locusts have eaten will be restored. And one day we will see the fruit of our labor. We cast the bread of parenting – striving, sweating, worrying, playing, giving, sacrificing, loving – on the water and it will return to us at a later time.

The fact is that whatever we cast on the water will return to us – all that we cast will return. This is why it is important to cast love and commitment – all of yourself. Sometimes we cast impatience, frustration, and ignorance. My theory is that if your heart is right and you do the best you can there will be some positive return. If you’re striving unselfishly, pursuing your children then your efforts will not be in vain. I like to hear stories of the bread returning. What a satisfying meal to taste the sweet success of mature, responsible, respectable children who return to demonstrate thanks.

My waters are calm now. I’m on this side of the storm when my children see me as God. I can do no wrong in their sight. I must make the most of these calm waters to prepare for the tumultuous waves ahead. The more I prepare now the easier the waves will seem. And many years after the storms have passed and the waters grow calm again will my bread return unto me. How do I prepare, you ask? I must give them myself daily. Nothing less will do.

The Touch of the Master's Hand

It was battered and scarred,
And the auctioneer thought it
Hardly worth his while
To waste his time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile.
"What am I bid, good people", he cried,
"Who starts the bidding for me?"
"One dollar, one dollar, Do I hear two?"
"Two dollars, who makes it three?"
"Three dollars once, three dollars twice, going for three",

But, No,
From the room far back a grey haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow,
Then wiping the dust from the old violin
And tightening up the strings,
He played a melody, pure and sweet,
As sweet as the angel sings.

The music ceased and the auctioneer
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said "What now am I bid for this old violin?"
As he held it aloft with its' bow.
"One thousand, one thousand, Do I hear two?"
"Two thousand, Who makes it three?"
"Three thousand once, three thousand twice,
Going and gone", said he.

The audience cheered,
But some of them cried,
"We just don't understand."
"What changed its' worth?"
Swift came the reply.
"The Touch of the Masters Hand."

And many a man with life out of tune,
All battered with bourbon and gin,
Is auctioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd
Much like that old violin.
A mess of pottage, a glass of wine,
A game and he travels on.
He is going once, he is going twice,
He is going and almost gone.
But the Master comes,
And the foolish crowd never can quite understand,
The worth of a soul and the change that is wrought
By the Touch of the Master's Hand.

Preparing To Succeed

I don’t think fear of failure is a great way to motivate, because your emphasis is on failure. We need to prepare to be successful. Coach Bill Self

I found this quote today while reading the Jayhawk’s preview for the game tonight. Kansas has lost in the first round in the tournament the last two years and Self was frustrated by all the questions that wasn’t related to this years team. The point is universal. If I continually watch the ditch then I’ll eventually drive into it. It reminds me of a movie I watched as kid where a famous tight-rope walker was going to walk across some tall buildings. It was a true story. This was a routine event but he was overly concerned about falling and as the story goes he fell to his death.

It is important to consider all angles to an issue with a mindset of success. You think about it. You plan for it. I work with kids a lot that have dealt with extreme, gargantuan disappointment. They expect to fail. They don’t believe that things will work out for them so they give up trying. They are paralyzed and cannot face their fears. So I encourage them to be mindful of the challenges and then throw out their exit strategy. The Roman Empire was great because Alexander would redesign his armor when he got injured. But he never put any armor on his back.

I am not talking about unrealistic and idealistic mish-mash. Wisely preparing for success is the key. It is an attitude – a shift in focus that makes all the difference.

Asking For Stones

May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace; may our granaries be full, providing all kinds of produce; may our sheep bring forth thousands and ten thousands in our fields; may our cattle be heavy with young, suffering no mishap or failure in bearing; may there be no cry of distress in our streets! Blessed are the people to whom such blessings fall! Blessed are the people whose God is the LORD! Psalm 144:12-15

Sometimes when I’m reading Scripture in the mornings I get stuck on a passage and can’t move on. It’s like Jacob holding onto the Lord until He blessed him. I’ve been on this passage for several days now and it won’t let me go until I give it my blessing of understanding. It’s hard to describe. I don’t have a peace to move on. So I meditate on this before the Lord while waiting for the revelation of the passage for me.

Psalms 139 and 143 affected me the same way. I wrote them in my journal but didn’t process here. Even with those passages I felt I moved on too early.

The passage struck me because of how David was asking for prosperity. It seems he wasn’t shy about it. You know, beating upon his chest, piously explaining how unworthy he is and asking that God would somehow see fit to grant this one measly request, like he was putting God out. Remember when you would interrupt your dad while he was doing something and he would gruffly respond, “What do you want!” Or worse yet, when you have done this to your children.

I find that I approach Father this way. Maybe that is the bit of revelation I’m waiting to sink in. Father doesn’t respond in frustration or exasperation. He wants to bless us. He wants to love on us. But we in our attitude of “unworthiness” won’t allow it. I think one day in the future we’ll look back over our lives and realize just how much we missed out on. Not because of a stingy god but because of our own unwillingness to believe in a loving Father.

My wife has been sick and wanted me to pick some things up from the store last night after work. It was so that I would get there right at closing time. Therefore, she called and asked if they would collect the items and allow me to come and pick them up. When I got there I found out what clerk did the collecting and tried to give her a tip. She refused it. She missed the blessing I wished to bestow upon her. How many times have I done this to Father? I can remember occasions where someone tried to bless me and I refused. “When you’ve done it unto the least of these…” I refused because of my pious feeling of unworthiness, like it wasn’t right to receive a blessing from another. It was an insult to them. I wonder if Father is insulted when we refuse His gifts.

So what have I learned? Pray up! Don’t be shy in asking! The offense is not believing Father would grant such a prayer – not trusting and believing He is a loving Father who would not give a stone when we ask for bread. But why take the chance? So I continue to ask for stones thinking that bread is too much of a request.

Father, help me to take the limits off my thinking. Help me to see You and myself as You do and receive all that You want for me.

Richard Alexander

Occasionally when bored, I like to go surfing. I will look for blog names that jump out at me in hopes to find a good read. I've looked at 100s of them since finding the world of blog. I even bookmark some of them to visit occasionally. One such blog was from an 80 year old conservative who fought in WWII. He started blogging because his local newspaper would only run a letter to the editor once every thirty days. He felt that he had more to say than that.

His son made the last post a few days ago. He died March 4th. March 5th would have been two years to the day when he started blogging. Now he belongs to the ages.

I was saddened by this news when I surfed by his site today. I didn't know him and for the several months I've been reading I only made two or three comments. But I admired him and told him as much in one of my comments. It feels as if we have all lost something. You know how it was when we were kids and something of significance happened yet we were too immature to realize it. There has been a great disturbance in the force. The sad thing is that I'm not sure what it was we lost. His dignity and character? His presence? His contribution to life? His contribution to the country he loved? I feel like a little boy next to him and can't quite grasp the significance of the moment. We have lost a part of a treasure that is slowly slipping away. And before long it will all be gone.

A Psalm of Life

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream! –
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, – act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time.

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
(February 27, 1807 - March 27, 1882)

On the Eclipse of the Moon July 30, 1776

The moon in silver glory shone,
And not a cloud in sight;
When suddenly a shade begun
To intercept her light.

How fast across her orb it spread,
How fast her light withdrew!
A circle, ting'd with languid red,
Was all appear'd in view.

While many with unmeaning eye
Gaze on thy works in vain;
Assist me, LORD, that I may try
Instruction to obtain.

Fain would my thankful heart and lips
Unite in praise to thee;
And meditate on thy eclipse,
In sad Gethsemane.

Thy people's guilt, a heavy load!
(When standing in their room)
Depriv'd thee of the light of GOD,
And fill'd thy soul with gloom.

How punctually eclipses move,
Obedient to thy will!
Thus shall thy faithfulness and love,
Thy promises fulfil.

Dark, like the moon without the sun,
I mourn thine absence, LORD!
For light or comfort have I none,
But what thy beams afford.

But lo! the hour draws near apace,
When changes shall be o'er;
Then shall I see thee face to face,
And be eclips'd no more.

John Newton.

I saw this here and thought it pretty good. I liked the third stansa. My eyes will be "unmeaning" if I don't allow Father to assist me to understand. The initial thought on the last stansa is that he is talking about death. But after futher thought, I believe that it is the passing of what seems like seperation from God. He always beholds our face even when we cannot see his. The eclipse it seems is of our own perception. The moon has not moved. We have only gotten in the way of its light.

Wilberforce

Tonight H and I went to see Amazing Grace, the story of William Wilberforce. It was entertaining. There were some historical misrepresentations but the movie was not bad overall. It is amazing how Hollywood has to get their digs in about the war and other social issues. The one thing I don’t like is how they will portray the story from our eyes today instead of telling the story of history in its historical context. They did portray him as a religious man and a man of faith. I tend to want more of the spiritual side of the story but was impressed with how they didn’t downplay the role his relationship with God on his convictions. This is pretty impressive for Hollywood.

Overall, the most impressive thing about the story to me was that Wilberforce obviously had a calling on his life and the conviction to carry it out. It kind of made me feel small but everyone isn’t called to be the point man. For almost 20 years he submitted bill after bill to abolish the slave trade. He stuck to his convictions even when others were telling him not to. He lived to see the abolishment of the slave trade and saw the beginnings of the abolishment of slavery which occurred shortly after his death. The man was an inspiration. It causes me to consider my own life and what purpose God has for me. One line that I liked was when Wilberforce was consulting with his mentor, John Newton. Newton said that God doesn’t always speak with the mighty thunder storm but with slow, light drizzle, one drop at a time. What I take from this that I need to listen and be obedient daily. And out of this my purpose and calling will be manifest. Another thought I had was that my greatest purpose is that of being a father. As I invest in my children, they will in turn invest in the people God puts in their lives, as well as their children. The investment will grow and the stone will become a mountain. When it comes down to it, the only thing that really matters is what does Father think and is He pleased.

My Hope

My hope as a parent is that my children grow up. (I was going to add "to be..." here but I feel that this captures it.) I want them to mature as responsible adults. That means they are not emotionally reactive to the winds of our fickle society. It means that they stand for what is right in spite of who is telling them to sit down. May they lead by word and example. I hope they will have a heart for the Truth regardless of the glamour of the lie. They will raise their families in selfless dedication. They will be men of substance. They will love Jesus, their family, and their country. They will be students of the Word. I hope they demonstrate what it means to be citizens in the Kingdom of our Lord. I want them to have compassion on the needy yet help the needy learn responsibility and self-sufficiency. I want them to be happy but not at the price of their soul. I hope they experience and maintain true joy. May they never waste their sorrows. May they never shrink back from their responsibility of being men. I want them to know love and friendship as I have. I don’t want them to be afraid of intimacy. I don’t want them to be afraid of risk or challenges. May they grow up to be men of God, having Him as their hearts desire. May they seek first His kingdom and righteousness. May they learn to trust Jesus in every circumstance of life – living by faith and not by sight. To sum it all up, may they learn to fear the Lord and allow His wisdom to rule their life. If they can do this, can grow in this, they will have a full, successful life. I want them to have it better than me in everyway. May they stand on my shoulders and reach new heights.